AIBU to wonder how on earth WOHPs manage when their DC are sick etc

[wordfactory]

For quite a few years now I have worked from home and flexibly arond the DC. Sickness, holidays etc have rare impacted upon us.

Today, however, I had an important (to me) meeting and DD is ill. She can't go to school.

DH is in NY. Mother is hundreds of miles away and doesn't drive anyway. Friends would happily call in but I can't ask them to spend six hours with DD (it would take this amount of time to get there, have the meeting and get back)...

It has really made me think about how most families cope.

You see, this is the sort of thing that really annoys me. We're all supposed to get on our bikes and go to where the work is (so no family nearby), and SAHMs are a dreadful drain on society and shouldn't be encouraged (no "married man's" tax allowance any more, losing CB if the husband is a HRT payer, losing benefits if you don't work (even if your child is disabled!)), and yet when the inevitable happens and a child of two working parents gets sick then the government are quite happy to leave everyone to work it out for themselves. And small children get sick a lot. In one term, my DD was off sick for 6 days (two incidents) and they were both serious enough that I had no choice to keep her home (one with asthma, one that needed antibiotics). Luckily I am a SAHM, because there is no way that DH could take that much time off, and family is a long way away.

And yes, I was sick for two years straight because I didn't have time to look after myself as a SAHM with two small children. Yet DH moaned when a asked him to take a single day off because I had D&V. Apparently, I was vomiting because I had "let" myself. More willpower, that's what I need.

I work from home on a freelance basis. It's mostly OK, but DD seems to have the knack of falling ill at exactly the point when I'm really busy or have an important meeting. (Of course that can't be true but it feels like it.) If it's a question of having to do the extra work, I just try and manage as best I can, working evenings etc. If it's a meeting, DP has been known to take the day off to look after her. This has only happened once or twice though because usually the fact that she's sick only emerges after he's left for work.

In wordfactory's position I think I might ask if I could do the meeting by phone, depending on what kind of meeting it is/how much care and attention DD is likely to need.

mrstittle it did make me think about what on earth parnets do if their DC have ongoing health issues.

Fortunately mine are quite robust, but I have friends whose DC have various issues that mean their DC are off more.

I really don't like the idea that DC are being sent to nursery, school etc when they are poorly but can quite see that there is little parents can do.

And when the children get sent in sick, they pass it around to the whole class and all the other parents have to deal with the issue too!

(Not blaming the parents here, I can see that sometimes there is literally no choice, but maddening for everyone else).

hackmum my agent will be at the meeting so my interests will be well protected. And he will tell me what happened as soon as it's finished and yes, can call me there's anyhting he needs to ask.

It's an odd situation in that I wanted to be there to get a feel for the other people involved. Not somehting one can do by phone or email...but will just have to trust my agent's judgement, which as DH would say, is what I'm actually paying him a cut to do.

Does anyone know of any emergency nanny services or do you find them through nurseries?

Thinking aloud for my plans to return to wort after mat leave

Return to wort?

This iPad obviously knows something I don't...

handbag - there is a site called emergencychildcare.co.uk or if you google "emergency childcare" it will probably bring up others. I've never used them but would certainly consider it as a back up.

Thanks bramshott Will investigate further :)

We are really lucky that we can usually do a juggling act. Between us, one goes in really early and works til lunch, swops to care for the afternoon at home (maybe getting a chance to do something in quiet times) and doing more later in the evening on laptop. Other does morning at home, goes in for afternoon and somewhat later leaving than usual, and a bit more at home later too. We've done bringing the child in one car to swop over in town rather than at home - to maximise working hours. We've swopped strange hours to cover each other having meetings - occasionally DH can phone in to meetings, or we might be able to rearrange meetings. The very odd time, we've taken time off at short notice (as in, actual leave not flexible working).

But both our bosses are generally understanding once the work gets done. It might mean that we do extra hours the next few days to make sure deadlines are met. Working at home, keeping track of calls and emails on mobile/blackberry.

If we are REALLY stuck, there are family we could call on. But so far, we've been lucky to be able to juggle it ourselves. And we DO know how lucky we are in that respect. (Although, bosses are also really lucky cos we usually do a LOT more than others around us, not just when we feel guilty about taking time out).

My employers are great and I can take a day off with sick kids no problem. DP is also in the same situation re his employer. We can both access emails etc from home.

I have brought DD1 into work with me, plonked her on sofa with DVD's and blanket. Some days there is stuff that just had to be done in the office. It's a small office and colleagues don't mind.

CM took DD1 when she had chicken pox (with other mindees parents permission) as she & other mindees had them already. Luckily DD was sickest with the fever etc over the weekend & felt bright enough to go to CM during the week.

When we have both been unable to take time off due to committments, DP's Mum has taken DD but this involves a long drive across London, through rush hour traffic so isn't ideal. In London sometimes 10 miles feels like 100! It would be lovely if she lived closer as she is happy to step in when needed.

I can also work from home when I need to. Which is great. But on occasions like in your OP wordfactory I would have to call on my mum. She is getting older and she isn't always able to just drop everything and come running. I did once have no options but to say 'Got to go! Sorry!' and leave a meeting (a corporate get together and rah rah opportunity rather than something I couldn't miss IMO). It was embarrassing and needless to say I was later told it was unprofessional by one particular arse! But most people understood.

DH teaches so can't really be hauled out of a class in emergencies. (I don't class a meeting that I didn't really need to be at as more important than teaching a classfull of kids).

we manage because for the past 18 months we've been running our own business from home, and up till September last year DD1 was around to do childcare as and when. Sadly DD2 has health issues and her school attendance this year is around 50-55% I think, plus she can't be left alone for any length of time. Had either or both of us been WOH full/part time, one of us would have had to give up work.

YANBU I wonder how they cope too, it must be very stressful. I did it with DD1 but luckily they were fine with days off as i was training most the time (as long as i caught up). It is part of the reason I SAH with DS3 as DH wouldn't be able to take days off very easily and he already works odd hours and places.

everyone I know just drugs them up and sends them to school/childcare anyway. Only really a problem if they have d and v.

yes, I get the calpol into DS, give him a bloody good breakfast (loads of choc spread on his toast if it cheers him up), promise him something nice after school and off we go, biscuits en-route if I have to. Obviously D&V bugs are different, but for a cold / general under-the-weather feelings I can usually wing it.

I rattle with pills these days just to keep me going. Never took the things before I had kids, this week I'm on a mix of paracetamol / ibruprofen / codeine to ward off a virus this week.

What bugs me is that parents are allowed 13 odd weeks parental leave until their child is 5 . Why only the age of 5??? I'm just assuming my company will still allow me to have to odd unpaid day as my dc's get older. Not to mention school hols.

I work from home and my dh gets five parental/caring leave days a year (he has never not used all five). It's a nightmare. We've just recovered from four weeks of illness and my boss was beginning to wonder who I was, I was working from home so often. It does get easier, they tend to be ill less as they get older.

With difficulty! And we are very lucky to have understanding employers.

Two weeks ago when dd had chicken pox she very conveniently got I'll on a Friday (I work Mon, Tue and Thurs) so I went to work on the Saturday. On the days I worked I got to the office for 7am. Left at 12:30. H was at home with dd so I would take over and he'd get to work by about 1:15. (short commutes thankfully.) He'd then work to 6ish, come home and we'd have dinner and put dd to bed. He'd then do more work in the evening while I dealt with dd. (waking constantly cos of the itching.)

It was pretty hard cos none of us were sleeping much so it was just a case of put head down, get through it.

Happened to me today. d/v so no nursery. dH refused to get his lazy arse out of bed so I had to stay and look after ds2. Meanwhile was the busiest day of year at work, I mean today of all days, it really couldn't have been a worse day, I have now missed all my deadlines, because am part time and don't have thurs and fri to catch up. I will be now brought in to discuss why I didn't complete my stuff on time. Also let down colleague who is bursting at seams.

Ended up getting loads of stuff emailed, reworked some documents, forwarded some stuff, fielded calls, considered reports and got some papers delivered so I can work on my days 'off' to catch up. I don't get paid for today, despite the fact I ended up working from home to fight the worst of the fires, I had to pay for nursery and he didn't go. So today I spent approx £150 of my hard earned cash, looking after my own son in lost fees and wages. That is really shit. And my employers are understanding!

Have been sure to recoup £80 from DH. But still it's the general lack of commitment to work he can't compensate. Bless ds2, no one could have looked after him quite like me though.

Have already taken one other kiddy sick day this year and it's not even March!

Your kids get so much less sick once they are slightly older (Y1 above) and they are through all that chicken pox/croup/D&V stuff, which is awful. DD1 missed weeks and weeks of school in Reception but now, in Y2, has 99% attendance.
I have no family nearby and wouldn't ask a friend to look after a sick child with anything infectious (I guess if they have broken something it might be different) but I rely heavily on my or friends' nannies/childminders etc who can cover me for a few hours (expensive option, however). Otherwise DH & I weigh up who can afford to miss work the least eg, DC3 has chicken pox so DH is working from home tomorrow morning and I was only due to work a half-day anywya tomorrow so will cover the afternoon. My employers are excellent but I also don't take the piss - I work part-time so the children are not allowed to be ill on a work day...

Oh, and I'm never allowed to be ill...

I tried telling the baby the dam the rivers of poo as it was a work day. Little brighter didn't get the MSG!

We've never had a problem with this - only one dc who is reasonably healthy. DH or I decide who can take the day off, or occasionally we have split the day half and half. I would usually take this as annual leave but my boss is quite happy for me to just make up the time elsewhere. If dd doesn't need a lot of attention, I might also try to work from home but not feasible if she needs caring for.

I manage a number of parents who have two or more kids, and some seem to be ill quite frequently. They do have to take leave at short notice, and it isn't ideal, but we always find a way round it.

Obviously, it's harder in some jobs than others, but enlightened employers know that employees have lives outside of work, and that a little bit of flexibility goes a very long way. Committed employees don't take the piss and do everything they can to compensate for any unplanned absences.