To Get Pissed Off At the Bride to Be?

[0FrillyKnickers0]

Right.

I am Maid of Honour (pah) for my best?friend at the end of March.

She asked me before I was pregnant and now I am 13 weeks and will be 18.5 by the time of the wedding.

The reason for this post is because I am still expected to arrange the hen night and organise the bridal shower (me, me, me much?). When I asked for help from the other bridesmaids (I've had hyperemesis) people got a bit pissy with me. Please bear in mind that I'm already paying half for my bridesmaid dress and for DH's groomsman suit!

Also, when the B2B showed me a photo of the shoes she wants ALL bridesmaids to wear, I nearly choked. They are (no joke) 6 inches high! I suggested that I could wear them in the church and for the photos but said I would have to buy flats (don't worry, I'll match the colour) for the rest of the time because it's not advisable for me to wear such heels at that stage (plus I get terrible back ache already)! The response was stony, pissed off silence.

I'm sorry, but I've about had enough of this now. Am I being unreasonable or do you think that my fed up-ness is justified?

Just resign

Why is the hen night making you feel that she's "me, me, me"? Is that not pretty traditional?!

Six inch high shoes? What's she marrying? An insecure giant who fears towering over everyone else? Or does she just want to see her pregnant friend fall ass over elbow?

Screw that, I'd turn up in DMs just to piss her off. YANBU.

Maybe because she's having a hen night and a bridal shower? Whatever the fuck a bridal shower is?!

Newbie...Hen night AND bridal shower. Two separate things! Oh, and she wanted to see a show in London.

Yes, what exactly is a bridal shower?

I feel awful for moaning now.

I will be glad when it's all done and dusted though!

She sounds like a right bridezilla. Hen night and bridal shower! Just tell her no, you are not prepared to risk your baby and if she doesn't like to find another maid of honour, she will soon change her tune.

Bridal shower is a big gathering of lots of people giving gifts to the B2B. This one 'needs' to be themed...grumble.

Tell her she can only have a hen do or a bridal shower or all her friends will get pissed off with her.

Agree to the heels and then just change into flats at the reception. She probably won't even notice.

Then just take a deep breath and suck it up for the next 5 and a bit weeks if she really is your best friend.

She was BU about the shoes, you would be doing the right thing getting some flats.

I don't think you can complain about paying half for the outfits, as long as you knew you would have to when you were asked. Presumably you get to keep them.

YABU about organising the hen night. Drop out of being MOH if you don't want to do it, but there is no reason why you couldn't do it just because you are pregnant. YANBU about having to organise a hen night and a bridal shower! Why does she need a fecking bridal shower?? Horrible concept.

I think both of you need to consider each other a bit more. Her wedding is as special to her as your pregnancy is to you. That's not to say a wedding is as important as a baby, that would be ridiculous. Just that her wedding is avert important event in her life and you should give it as much effort as you would if you weren't pregnant. if you feel you can't do that, you should drop out of being MOH.

At 18.5 weeks I was dancing around a club (sober) in Menorca. No one would even have guessed I was pregnant. I'm assuming this is your first baby? You'll hardly be showing at stage, the heels shouldn't be an issue if you're normally able to manage them.

As maid of honour it's your duty to arrange the hen night, that's normal. If you don't want to do it, resign.

Resigning was an option a while ago.

Bless her, she is really stressed with it all and I am doing all I can to help, but it's hard when you feel like crap!

She has no idea I feel this passionate(!) which is good. At least I'm not adding to her worries...or am I because I refuse to wear deathly shoes?!

She will look back and cringe when she is pregnant herself.

There is no way I'd be wearing 6' heels though and who is paying for those ?

Oh right - we used to call them a 'show of presents' (I am ancient. And Scottish.) But that was always given by the bride's mother, and was a pretty low-key affair. Tea, cakes, sandwiches and chat.

The shoes are lunacy. Just wear matching flat shoes. And don't bother asking her permission- she will not even notice on the day.

Perhaps having both a bridal shower and hen do is a bit much but I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect you to organise them. It's also perfectly reasonable for the other bridesmaids to help. I'd explain to them that your pregnancy makes it really important for them to give their time/effort to muck in and how much you'd value it.

Re footwear, definitely wear the flats for non-photos. I think you should stick to your guns on this one!

So YA and YANBU!

Do you know what? I'd resign, make it about her to make it less awkward, eg 'as I'm so ill I'm not going to be able to do you justice etc'

Although now that I think about it, if she's getting married in just over a month aren't you leaving it a bit lateanyway? And certainly too late to pull out of organising duties? She might be me, me, me, but. Presumably you should've started organising this ages ago

Re the shoes, if you do it, flats all the way. Fuck it, you wouldn't get me in 6 inch heels if I wasn't pregnant!

So YABU AND YANBU

I don't mind organising one (hen or shower), it's just both that is a bit much!

Her sisters are bridesmaids so I am going to ask them for a bit more help.

Re paying for the dress...I had no idea, it was just sprung on me. Same re DH's £100 suit!

Hey ho.

Feeling guilty now. Must stop moaning!

YANBU in my opinion but I was a bride that could not be bothered with most of the now expected extravagances. I was so nice to my BMs although one was totally rubbish on the day!

You definitely need to get more support from the other BMs and you are totally right about the shoe situation. Once the ceremony and photos were over I didn't feel that my BMs had to wear the shoes I'd chosen - especially as I was wearing pumps under my dress!

I'm sorry it's turning into an uncomfortable situation, do you know her mum/sister? Is there anyway you can talk to someone else who might make her see sense - maybe your DH can talk to the groom?

We only just got told she wanted both Hen and Shower!!

Re resigning...never really an option. I just wanted to vent!! My bad!

WTF is a "bridal shower"? Unless you are American or living in the USA this just comes across as grabby. Presumably guests are also being furnished with a gift list/request for money/dodgy pome? So why hit them twice? If you actively assist in this, you become entitled by association and definitely U.

Wear your flats and don't even tell her.

I don't think you should have to pay for either the dress or the suit, unless you get to choose them.

I wouldn't make anyone wear 6in heels, pregnant or not.

The hen night is your responsibility but that and a shower is too much.

So YABabitU wrt the hen night but not the rest.

Thanks Impatient :)

I am probably making a bigger deal of it than it is...I am just stressing cause I've been ill for so long. I will have a word with her sisters and I'm sure they'll understand.

DH spoke to her DP a while ago because she had stopped talking to me and it turned out that she was annoyed because she expected me to be more involved. I explained that she needed to talk to me in order to get that across though!!

She wasn't up front re you paying for your own bm dress?

Wtf is a bridal shower?