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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off at how alot of us have this "Oh I don't think he/she is really that ill" type of attitude

111 replies

nobodyspecial · 19/02/2012 16:40

I've been guilty of this in the past.

I have a terrible chest infection. So bad I'm on two antibiotics and have been told that if it hasn't cleared by Tuesday then I need to have a chest x-ray incase I have something more serious.

My husband last night was pissed off at me for handing our 6 week old baby over to him at 12am so I could have a hot shower to help relieve the coughing and wheezing.

I drove myself to the out of hours doctor (not angry at him about this, as we have 2 children at home and couldn't have taken them with us) at 2am. Turns out I had a temp of 39 degrees along with the cough and the doctor seemed quite worried and told me to take it easy and keep taking paracetemol and ibuprofen for the raised temperature.

I came back at 3.30 and he didn't even ask me how I was or what happened. So I said to him "don't you want to know what thE doctor said" His reply? "No one's ever died of a cough".....

I am SO angry at him I can't even face looking at him. Instead of taking a day off work today to help lookafter the children (I keep getting a fever every few hours) he pissed off to work at 6am this morning after changing DS's nappy.

I've noticed on alot of threads here that if someone is ill, the general consensus is that they're either lying or just want attention and that's how I felt DH felt about my breathing problems last night.

He's never done this before, because I've never reacted so badly to a chest infection before. I had a similar thing about 3 years ago, and even with the coughing, I coped. Maybe because I've had a baby recently and my immune system is really down I can't combat this crap thing, so he thinks I'm overreacting...I don't know.

Sometimes what we perceive as a sniffle, may not be a sniffle at all. It might be something really painful for the person suffering. Like yesterday, if the doctor hadn't taken my temp, I would never had known I was in a fever as my head and face felt cold and I was shivering.

Very long post. I know I am not being unreasonable. Please people, have a heart.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 19/02/2012 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 19/02/2012 16:44

It pisses me off a lot

I get so fed up of reading 'well I had it last week and had to get on with it'

  1. how do you know it's te same bug
  2. people react to the same bugs differently
  3. well frickin done for being a martyr, no one asked you to and holding it over a sick persons head makes you a bit of a knobber

Lol

BluddyMoFo · 19/02/2012 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chilihotdog · 19/02/2012 16:45

YANBU, everyone needs a bit of TLC when they're ill, esp if they are a new mum. Do you have a friend or relative close by who can give you a few hours respite? I know you'd prefer it to be DH but ignore him for the moment.
I sometimes wonder about the kids of some of these mumsnetters, a bunch of colder hearted bitches you couldn't meet. It's very unbecoming. Take care of yourself.

LilacWaltz · 19/02/2012 16:46

Why especially if they are 'a new mum'?? Hmm

JaneMare · 19/02/2012 16:47

i think you're feeling a whole lot of shit and it's not all to do with having a chest infection/cold.

it's hard to take to your bed when you've got children, but the way you described 'handing our 6 week old' over speaks volumes...

and tbh, if you managed to drive yourself to the OOH surgery, you aren't really that ill. real 'flu will render you bedridden for a while...

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2012 16:47

YABU

Some people simply can't handle being even slightly ill and give up at the slightest sign of a sniffle.

Hope you get better soon.

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 19/02/2012 16:47

YANBU. As an asthmatic I know just how serious a chest infection can be.

Get well soon OP!

Having said that I recall a conversation with a colleague a few years ago about what child actors are up to these days and it turned out the kid who played Dandy Dan in Bugsy Malone committed suicide due to ME. Now, me having Fibromyalgia I can completely see how he coudl get to that low a point that he would do that, however, said colleague insisted that "oh it's only ME it's nothing serious why on earth would you kill yourself over something so minor..."

Needless to say I nearly lamped him one.

chilihotdog · 19/02/2012 16:47

Because it's the toughest time of your life, and nigh on impossible if you're unwell!

Heyyyho · 19/02/2012 16:50

I really agree with you. I am not English and always find the attitude to be very "well I had double pneumonia and I just had to get on with it, go to work, take the babies swimming and organise a joint birthday party" very bizarre and quite unique to the uk.
Also same goes for children "well she had a 40 fever and vomiting last night but woke up and she was fine so I sent her in she's got to learn after all.."

Theas18 · 19/02/2012 16:50

Just to

LilacWaltz · 19/02/2012 16:50

It isn't the toughest time of your life!! Get a grip!

startail · 19/02/2012 16:50

UANBU
DHs really don't want to look after DCs without prior warning and long written instructions.
Mines perfectly capable if I take myself off to bed and leave him to it, but I have to make it quite clear he's in charge and that's that.

I can't get very cross because I get very inpatient with him or the DDs if they are ill.
Ill people are just inconvenientWink

I found myself very annoying when I managed to sprain my ankle 3 times in 3 weeks.

I hope you feel better soon, chest infections hurt and that your DH realises he is being Unreasonable!

FeelingsorryforSnape · 19/02/2012 16:51

Hope you feel better soon, Nobody. It's the last thing you need when you're ill.

LilacWaltz · 19/02/2012 16:52

Op... Who is thi ' a lot' of us aimed at? Mumsnet or your husband?

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2012 16:52

Heyyho What does 'not being English' have to do with that? Confused

My Mum was Irish and the biggest martyr going.

Original poster
nobodyspecial · 19/02/2012 16:52

It's not flu because I had the flu jab last October (I was pregnant).

This is a chest infection. I am coughing up phlegm. Yes I was well enough to drive myself because I bloody well had to didn't I? Also, I didn't even feel feverish, just felt like there was cotton wool in my head.

OP posts:
Theas18 · 19/02/2012 16:53

Just to Reply to janemare- I drove myself to the flu centre at the start of the swine flu outbreak to get my swans and medication. I must have thought I was " ok" ...

But I had swab positive swine flu and scant recall of most of that first week of illness now so we clearly do stupid things when " proper poorly" !!

Much sympathy to th op.

Original poster
nobodyspecial · 19/02/2012 16:55

Alot of us, as "us" as a nation. Even at my workplace, if someone took sick leave the whole office used to talk about how the person was a "weakling" etc..

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/02/2012 16:55

Is a fever a 'big thing'? I mean is it really dangerous?

I'm genuinely asking because I don't know

I've had a couple in the past and so has DH and we've just taken paracetemol.

Punkatheart · 19/02/2012 16:55

Parenthood was certainly the toughest time of my life. The exhaustion of that coupled with a chest infection.......must be awful.

Sending you good vibes and a wish that you get better soon. Some people can be so harsh around illness....perhaps your DH is really worried about you and is being dismissive to make himself worry less.

Stiff upper lip is so over-rated. Look after yourself.

Birdsgottafly · 19/02/2012 16:55

OP i would just like to say that YANBU. For those saying that you are not that ill, they don't know that and from what it seems neither does your doctor.

I went to work for weeks, after being fobbed off by my GP with a chest infection. I came off a night shift and had to go to take myself to hospital, i was admitted that day with Pneumonia and nearly died. There were lots of younger people in hospital with the same who because of their age the GP's hadn't suspected anything serious.

I was in hospital for three months, an xray could have easily prevented that.

A GP cannot not always diagnose it.

For anyone asking why a new mum in particular needs to take extra care is because of the loss of minerals and iron that giving birth takes, which takes time to build up again and of course the work load of looking after a baby.

JaneMare · 19/02/2012 16:55

but this isn't 'flu, it's a 'terrible chest infection'

like there's a 'good' sort? Confused

chilihotdog · 19/02/2012 16:57

A fever is a big thing, as it can induce fits and blackouts, it should never be ignored.
The firsdt few months of parenthood were by far and away the toughest time of my life, as it should be, it's the most important job in the world, so I don't think I need to 'get a grip'.

Original poster
nobodyspecial · 19/02/2012 16:57

Oh needed to add - then the manager once came into work for a whole 2 weeks with a bloody chest/sinus infection acting the martyr and passed it onto alot of people who worked in close proximity of him.

OP posts: