To be a bit pissed off at how alot of us have this "Oh I don't think he/she is really that ill" type of attitude

[nobodyspecial]

I've been guilty of this in the past.

I have a terrible chest infection. So bad I'm on two antibiotics and have been told that if it hasn't cleared by Tuesday then I need to have a chest x-ray incase I have something more serious.

My husband last night was pissed off at me for handing our 6 week old baby over to him at 12am so I could have a hot shower to help relieve the coughing and wheezing.

I drove myself to the out of hours doctor (not angry at him about this, as we have 2 children at home and couldn't have taken them with us) at 2am. Turns out I had a temp of 39 degrees along with the cough and the doctor seemed quite worried and told me to take it easy and keep taking paracetemol and ibuprofen for the raised temperature.

I came back at 3.30 and he didn't even ask me how I was or what happened. So I said to him "don't you want to know what thE doctor said" His reply? "No one's ever died of a cough".....

I am SO angry at him I can't even face looking at him. Instead of taking a day off work today to help lookafter the children (I keep getting a fever every few hours) he pissed off to work at 6am this morning after changing DS's nappy.

I've noticed on alot of threads here that if someone is ill, the general consensus is that they're either lying or just want attention and that's how I felt DH felt about my breathing problems last night.

He's never done this before, because I've never reacted so badly to a chest infection before. I had a similar thing about 3 years ago, and even with the coughing, I coped. Maybe because I've had a baby recently and my immune system is really down I can't combat this crap thing, so he thinks I'm overreacting...I don't know.

Sometimes what we perceive as a sniffle, may not be a sniffle at all. It might be something really painful for the person suffering. Like yesterday, if the doctor hadn't taken my temp, I would never had known I was in a fever as my head and face felt cold and I was shivering.

Very long post. I know I am not being unreasonable. Please people, have a heart.

Thanks verycherry...I don't want to be ill. I don't know why anyone would like to "milk it".

Also, if anything, I want to get better quickly for my son. It's not fair I'm coughing throughout the time he's on my breast or when he's trying to sleep at night.

You poor thing. I am amazed at some of the posts.

I have no idea how ill you are. The point is you and your DH are a team and if you are feeling like crap he should support you. You feel he isn't so he isn't IYKWIM. From your post I'd say you are feeling really unsupported at the moment. You need to have a calm chat with your DH. It's rubbish to be feeling like you,do.

Some people just have a different perception of illness. My DH is lovely but he really did not get it in the early years. However after diagnosing an arm as not broken (it was mine, it was! ) and saying DD had a bit of a cough (it was croup, we got to AE, at my instence, in the nick of time, DDs lips were blue) he is much more responsive. I think growing up he was lucky that his parents and brothers just were not ill that often so he just did not get it.

I can remember only too well how tough those first few weeks are with a new child. The lack of sleep and you did not say in you are breastfeeding but it can take time time to establish and it's still such early days for you.

Your DH needs to take over for a day or two so that you can get back on your feet.

I have a cold at the moment and a fever. Am in bed feeling crap. If I HAD to I'd get out of bed and look after the DCs but DH is on the case so I can get some rest and get better. That is the point. I could but I don't have to as DH has my back...

Hope you feel better soon.

FOR, I can barely read your post without rage about your boss. People really don't understand about extreme about morning sickness at all.

OP, I think if you may have to have a chest xray and you needed a nebuliser, then you are very ill. Obviously respiratory problems, especially wheezing need to be taken seriously.

this is about your dh being useless with new baby
the illness has drawn to your attention to him being useless and make his whingeing more apparent to you

so no this isn't a mn Aibu
it's def a have a sharp word with your dh.pronto

fullofregrets My manager was just like that. Just because he thought he looked good coming into work soldiering through his bloody flu, he thought he was setting an example and that everyone should do it. Stupid people.

hope this resolves satisfactorily for you
eat well,try sleep,get dh to run about after you

I sympathise, OP. My DH is incredibly unsympathetic when I am ill. I had a chest infection about 18 months ago and was so ill yet he wouldn't do a thing to help and seemed to think I was making it up. When I had a bad flu and gastic bug he went out with his friends.

I hope you are feeling better now

Totally with you.
I have been nursing a chest infection for about 4 weeks now, with a lot of cough the past week. The type that you almost feel your guts coming out too.
On antibiotics and they are doing very little. :(
I soldiered on the first three weeks, which may well have made it worse. Or not, who knows?
Feeling very tired, even to talk and can't concentrate properly. No fever, though, which makes me feel a bit silly too.

Unfortunately there is no OH around now, but, at the same time, it's a good thing because I know he would have made me mad with his typical attitude. I know that whatever I had, he would be worse...

Hmmm, have a feeling this might be a dig at me after my post yesterday. However, I can assure you my dp was not wheezing or coughing up phlegm. He had a head cold, pure and simple. I have seen him very ill a couple of times over the years and he has always received the appropriate sympathy on those occasions. This time was a complete pisstake and I am fuming over it.

hope you feel better soon, doesnt matter if your dying or have nasty virus, you feel like crap and you have a tiny baby, that is enough reason for sympathy. and for the record I had to get myself to the doctors when I had tonsilitus and quinsy a couple of years ago, doctor sent me straight to hospital, dh felt awful, he said if he had realised you could end up hospitalised from tonsilitus he would have got me there much sooner.

The problem is that some people can dramatise a mild cold into sound like they're at death's door. Dd2 is a master at that. She even manages to look pale and wan.
And other people tend to keep going and play down how bad they're feeling/ Dd1 is like that. She did 2 dance performances, a swimming party and was half way walking to school before she realised she wasn't going to make it. She'd complained of a "sore shoulder". Turned out to be pneumonia that the doctor reckoned she should have been struggling to stand up. Took 3 lots of antibiotics before it started clearing at all.

So from your op you could be bu, or nbu because none of us can tell how ill you really are. Ime those who tend to over dramatise tend to make more fuss, so that's probably what you're seeing.

Is your DH a human resources manager? In my experience they always assume illness to be faked.

In all seriousness, I used to work somewhere that HR dished out disciplinaries to people who were off work having chemo etc on the grounds that their absence was unjustified . It would be funny if it wasn't so awful.

fedup I can assure you this isn't a dig at you! I have been guilty of the same thing with DH too. But this bout of illness has made me much more sympathetic towards people with this type of illness. Also, I shouldn't have laughed at my brother, who had a similar thing a few weeks ago. I did laugh at him for having a chest infection. I guess karma got me.

I had a chest infection a few years ago, it took 2 courses of anti-b's, steroids and 6 weeks with an inhaler to clear it. For all but 2 weeks of it I was able to work/look after the kids - I shouldn't have though. I felt rotten for about 3 months. You have my sympathies OP.

I think that people who talk about 'just getting on with it' usually haven't experienced the level of illness that necessitates going to bed and feeling like misery. They go all martyr-like and talk about when they struggled into work through their terrible flu, when in reality they had a heavy cold/slight virus or whatever it was.

I have a constant chest infection and on top of that get nasty further chest infections every 2-4 weeks or so, and a particularly nasty one renders me completely out of it, no way able to drive, not even to get out of bed - can't even MN So OP I sympathise because it can be the most horrible thing, especially when coping with a baby, I'll never forget trying to cope with pneumonia and pleurisy when ds was a few weeks old, horrendous. Your dh sounds unsympathetic and unhelpful, perhaps you should show him this thread! Or explain exactly how it makes you feel, and how exhausted you are. It's hardly just a cough. Chest infections can be serious and can be life threatening, so yes, people can 'die of just a cough.'

I hate this whole attitude of people thinking those who are ill are wussing out and weaklings. It just goes alongside the whole thing of making disabled people work for nothing to be productive. But that's a whole other thread

I remember getting the whole "you'll be fine, its just a cold, you sure you're not ok for work, you don't look that ill, a bit of fresh air will help, your temperature isn't that high, ......"

...and tbh for a day or two I did feel like I had a heavy cold and not much more...but I still felt dreadful, but it just kept getting worse.

Was actually pneumonia and resulted in me going to hospital for 4 days, 4 types of antibiotics, 7 weeks off work and still lingering problems with my chest in cold weather some two years later.

I listen a bit more carefully now when any of us are feeling a bit poorly.

valiumredhead - for me 39 is a high temperature, as my normal temp is a fair bit lower than that. 40 is definitely a high temp. My temp never reaches that though even when very ill.

Yes, a temp of 39 is high, and in hospital would warrant taking a septic screen to ascertain where the source of infection was.

OP, YANBU and your DH should be supporting you far more. Small children and. Being ill is not a good combination.

I have had the flu for 2 days now. It's knocked me off my feet but I am also 36 weeks pregnant too and recently had pleurisy. DH has told me to stay in bed, has looked after DS and even ran the Hoover through! However, that's what being a partnership is all about. Picking up after the other one when they need it.

Hope you are on the mend soon.

I would hazard a guess that the real problem here is that both you and your husband are probably feeling tired and run down as you have a new baby in the house.

It would have been nicer if your husband had shown a little more sympathy for you but, tbh, I think you are over-reacting a little. A temperature of 39 is certainly raised, but not massively high, especially for an adult. Besides, if you're feeling well enough to be whinging about it online then, in my book, you can't be too ill.

Ouch, Librarian! That was rather harsh to the OP!

Really?

There have been plenty of harsher posts. Mine was pretty tame in comparison.

i agree with the posters who state that people who are never sick dont understand what it feels like to be sick and have no sympathy. or they expect everyone to have the same needs as themselves

My DH, on the rare occasion he is ill, wants to be left completely alone, whereas i like to 'tend to him' when he's sick.

on the other hand he wants to leave me to 'get on with it' when i'm sick, and really i want a big cuddle.

unfortunately i'm always ill at the moment, and never seem to be completely well. his sympathy has totally run out. pisses me off royally!!!!

I've not read all the replies but I did think yours was harsh. Just because the OP is online it doesn't mean she isn't ill. She might be on her phone or her laptop or ipad in bed. She's got a chest infection, and as far as I know her hands and fingers are fine and not affected by this so I can't see why being online equates with not being that ill in your opinion.

If only there was a way to detect when someone is 'really' ill. You never truly know what someone else is going through.

My husband tends to whine more when he has manflu than when he is seriously ill. I get a bit impatient when he comes home and announces he has a sore throat and needs cold and flu tablets, whereas I'm a lot more sympathetic when he just throws out that something is troubling him!

OP - I feel for you, you must be feeling very rough and I think people are forgetting you have a six-week-old. It's horrid trying to sort out constant nappies and feeds when you feel like shit.

I remember last year when I got the flu and couldn't think straight. I ended up calling my husband home from work because I didn't feel able to look after the baby. I know lone parents don't have this option, but I just couldn't keep awake/aware any longer, my temp was 40 (am sure some here would say that isn't high) and I felt like my brain was melting. That time it was a case of couldn't go out, couldn't really do anything. At the same time, don't be too quick to doubt people who manage more. The only other time I've had proper flu I did still get into work because it was only a five minute walk away and it wasn't until I started walking that I realised how bad I felt.

Op you obviously have a chest infection. you feel ill and are ill

My MIL had carers who were told to "encourage" to get be mobile after her husbands death. So what she'd had a broken ankle the previous winter
They totatlly ignored she had been diagnoses with cervical cancer.

and as it turns out also had bone cancer and cancer in the pelvis