To not give dd loads of sympathy when she fell down stairs?

[mrsshears]

Dd1(14) has just fallen down about 5 stairs with the hoover,which she was dragging rather than carrying,when she fell i went over and calmly said "oh dear dd are you alright?" que lots of screaming and crying "aarrgghh i can't walk or stand up" and rolling around the floor.
At this point i said "come on your ok" which resulted in more screaming and crying and refusing to try to move,at which point i'm afraid to say i said "ok well you will have to stay there then"(dd is know to be very dramatic)
Dh then shot me a look of disgust and went over and took over,he says i was far too harsh and should have given dd more sympathy,obviously dd was hurt and a bit shocked but i did feel the whole thing was all a bit dramatic and didnt want to encourage dd to carry it on,what do you think AIBU?

You know you're own child better than us but it did seem a little harsh. Falling down staris with a heavy houselhold appliance is not fucking around, she could really have hurt herself. But if she was rolling around on the floor I would not be concerned that she had crakced her back or she would not have been able to move at all. Perhaps instead of eing patronising you should just have ignored her completely. She'd get up eventually when she got bored.

You also sound a little like my mother. If anything is wrong with me I'm making it up or thinking myself into it. She actully said those things to me. But if it was her with something wrong with her she's dying and deserves utmost sympathy and everything affects her so badly as she's so sensitive and fragile.

I think there are some drama queens on this thread aswell.

OP maybe you should of tried to give get a cuddle b4 walking away. But I understand how frustrating when trying to help a child and they refuse to try and stand etc to see if anythings broken etc

This does not make you a bad mum as some people have said

That statement is completely uncalled for

I'm the opposite!!

When I had an accident or was hurt or grazed my knee my dear old nana would practically wrap me up in cotton wool for a week. I wouldn't be allowed to get out of bed except for the toilet and school, even when I insisted I was fine.

I moved in with my mum when I was 12 and my nan's treatment has had completely the opposite effect on me - I now absolutely hate people fawning over me and taking care of me. I fell out off the top bunk of a bunkbed at 15 and broke my arm, my wrist and gave myself a concussion. My mother (who was in the middle of her nursing course) practically had to restrain me to take me to A&E, with me insisting that I'd just bruised it and that I'd be fine if people left me the heck alone.

I'm still like it now... it drives DP mad!

I don't think you were that unreasonable to be honest. Maybe a little bit, but if she has previous form, then no. She needs to learn that when she isn't hurt she doesn't get the fawning treatment. Otherwise she'll just end up a hypochondriac!

If you'd have nipped her over dramatic behaviour in the bud at an earlier age she perhaps wouldn't still be acting like it at 14...

My ds screams the place down at every bump and twinge. Though he coped surprisingly well with a broken arm, shock perhaps.

The other day I walked into the hall to see him arrive at the bottom of the stairs headfirst. It was quite comical. And I have to admit I don't usually believe he is in as much pain as he makes out. But I do try to wait to ascertain injury first.

Glad she's okay :)

how can you nip dramatics int he bud a drama queen is a drama queen sometimes they cant be stopped , sounds like the OP has tried everything to stop her being over dramatic ,

Of course you can nip it in the bud, nowittynamehere. Ignore them as a little child when they are over-dramatic about things, don't pander to them, don't give them attention when they're making a drama out of something. Its not rocket science. It's generally spoilt children that seem to be over-dramatic anyway, in my experience.

I did all this with my own drama queen she still makes a mountain out of a molehill , i certainly never pandered to whims and whinges , yet she she can tell me a story and when its finished its a saga .

I think there's a difference between a spoilt brat drama queen and someone who just elaborates on a story though, nowittynamehere.

Someone I know has a child who is a drama queen and she panders to her constantly. the child is 5 and is quite horrible really. For example at a childrens' party recently this girl had a mega tantrum as she had to wait her turn for something and the mum just sat there. I would have taken her home from the party for behaving like that. It's things like that, showing zero tolerance for spoilt brat behaviour from an early age, that stop children behaving like the OP's child behaves at 14 (14!!!! ) years of age

You know your daughter better than any of the other posters Mrsshears. I would probably have reacted in the same way. It's like innocence and guilt - you're fine unless, after due examination demonstrably not!

My dd is 14 and will flab about a papercut but yes there is a difference I dont think the OP is a spoiled brat just over dramamtic , most of these children are fine when they are actually ill or hurt , my dd is quiet when she has really hurt herself or is ill , and just moans and whinges when she is getting better

But if from an early age you had told her to stop being so silly over things like papercuts you could have nipped it in the bud, nowitty. If at age 3 or 4 one of mine was making a fuss for ages after something had happened, for example a minor fall or not getting their own way, they would be sent to their rooms to calm down. As I said, pandering to them only results in them being attention seeking.

I did all that though I never paid attention to silly whinges , I guess all children are different sometimes its in the nature to be OTT about things maybe i didnt give her enough attention so she rects like this , baffles and annoys me although she is much better than she used to be ,

I've fallen down the stairs, it hurt like hell but it was also a massive shock, completely knocked the wind out of me. I was on my own and I remember not being able to move, then crawling into the next room and lying on the floor crying with the shock.
Perhaps if you were excessively fussy and overbearing to the point of embarrassment, she might not feel the need to seek your attention unless she really needed it or just let DH deal with her.

Then punish her now if she annoys you, nowitty. You don't have to put up with bad behaviour like that from a teenager unless you want to. If she starts going off on one, confiscate her computer, or phone, or ground her for a few days.

I am not looking for parenting advice hex i do know how to discipline children i managed to bring an adult up fine i was just casually commeneting no child is perfect and mine are fine maybe a little dramatic but there is a lot of adults who are dramatic , I am not going to confiscate anything for a 10 second drama that i tell her to stop which she usually does ,

Clearly you don't know how to discipline your child, nowittyname, as she acts like a toddler over a papercut! Whilst that might be fine behaviour to you, it isn't to 99% of the population and you need to stamp down on it. Will she act that way when she goes to uni if she gets a papercut in a lesson? Or at work, if she scratches her finger? She'll certainly get a lot of raised eyebrows if she does, that's for certain

a papercut was an example but im sure she will be a fully participating member of society thanks for the advice though as im clearly a terrible parent , I guess your children are well behaved all the time , what age are your children hex ?

Mine are nearly 14, 7 and 2. My teenager doesn't behave like that. My kids aren't perfect and aren't well behaved all the time, but we have firm boundaries and they know what I will and won't tolerate. I won't tolerate attention-seeking behaviour or diva behaviour, generally most parents that have high standards of behaviour won't accept that kind of thing and as such put a stop to it in early childhood.

I'm sure your daughter will be a fully participating member of society, but she may not be very popular if she throws tantrums!

Can I ask what exactly is wrong with giving someone a bit of sympathy even if they are being a bit of a drama queen. It does no harm, unlike yur rather harsh approach.

And actually my Dh fell down only about 5 stairs the day before yesterday and did really hurt himself, only brusing but he was really shocked for a while afterwards. And a few years ago I fell down a couple of stairs and twisted my ankle, it hurt so much I was sick, much worse than having a baby imho

The problem though, brandysoaked, is that the OP has let her child get away with diva-ish behaviour for 14 years, hence then in situations like this it is like the boy who cried wolf. The OP's daughter probably spends a lot of her time whinging and screeching so how was the OP supposed to know if she'd hurt herself or not?

Sounds as if it might be the husband who´s the problem with the giving in!

Especially if he also berated OP in front of the daughter.

My children will all tell you I am a bit short shrift about stuff. I think it comes from me being a bit medical and being raised by a nurse too so unless a head is hanging off by a string we never ever go to a and e or even the docs. With 4 children we have been to a and e twice (and one time was for a fit taken in blue light) - The reason for this is I have a dd with diabetes so making a fuss about things is not on the menu as we have real dramas do deal with. However, the diva like behaviour is most likely in reaction to being ignored - she should have been a bit kinder when the incident occurred then her dd would not have felt the need to carry it on. My children too are nice well behaved children but I would never with hold a bit of sympathy when something a bit chocking like falling down the stairs happen. No wonder her child makes such a fuss.