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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give dd loads of sympathy when she fell down stairs?

112 replies

mrsshears · 19/02/2012 15:22

Dd1(14) has just fallen down about 5 stairs with the hoover,which she was dragging rather than carrying,when she fell i went over and calmly said "oh dear dd are you alright?" que lots of screaming and crying "aarrgghh i can't walk or stand up" and rolling around the floor.
At this point i said "come on your ok" which resulted in more screaming and crying and refusing to try to move,at which point i'm afraid to say i said "ok well you will have to stay there then"(dd is know to be very dramatic)
Dh then shot me a look of disgust and went over and took over,he says i was far too harsh and should have given dd more sympathy,obviously dd was hurt and a bit shocked but i did feel the whole thing was all a bit dramatic and didnt want to encourage dd to carry it on,what do you think AIBU?

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 19/02/2012 16:18

ds fell down stairs(not at home)and broke 3 bones in his foot,trouble was he didnt make a fuss till next day,you dont sound very nice,esp to be that bothered and to come and post on here,how do you know she has really hasnt hurt herself?

GoingForGoalWeight · 19/02/2012 16:18

Do you think you were BU? I think you must do!

I slipped last week and it hurt like hell :(

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 19/02/2012 16:20

I can sympathise with the dramatics. My DD has a low pain threshold and gets a bit very dramatic when she hurts herself, even slightly.

But YABU because I bet it bloody hurt. Having fallen down half a dozen stairs last winter and really hurt my bum and back if my DH had been as unsympathetic as you I would be cross too. Oh and I had a massive bruise right across my bottom and had to have a scan as I had a huge lump there for months, almost a year.

Go give her a hug and some calpol.

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/02/2012 16:21

actually i fell down the stairs a couple of months ago - i rolled about and was dramatic too.

i had broken my coccyx and it fucking well hurt. i think you sound horribly cold op. so yes - YABU

marthastew · 19/02/2012 16:24

My Mum once did this to me. She said don't make such a fuss and sent me to school. It turned out that I had a broken arm and the school nurse made her come and get me and take me to A&E. She was very embarresed.

GoingForGoalWeight · 19/02/2012 16:26

Vicar oooh my god!! must have hurt like sheer hell xx Shock

How are you now?

LadyClarissaArseQuack · 19/02/2012 16:29

Even if over dramatic, your child was hurt. Perhaps not seriously hurt, but hurt non the less. Some people have a low pain threshold. Just like some people have no compassion or empathy.

WomanDriver · 19/02/2012 16:32

OP my mum never believed I was in pain/ill when I told her. I remember being 10 and going on a skiing holiday, I felt really rough and was meant to go with and spend the day with a ski teacher so my parents could spend the day alone. I begged my mum not to let me go and she accused me of lying. I spent the whole day up and down mountains feeling like shit....the next morning I woke up covered head to toe with chicken pox. That and other occurrences have really affected my relationship with my mum.

Go and make your DD a hot chocolate and give her a hug and a bit of sympathy, it may be she is making all that fuss because that is what she really wants.

comedycentral · 19/02/2012 16:32

Playing devils advocate here, there are many of you telling the OP how your own Mothers missed significant injuries when you were younger. Doesn't this just highlight how difficult it can be at times to know when our children are being serious or not. I hope she is OK op.

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/02/2012 16:36

goingforgoal- thanks im ok now but i was off work for a good 2 months and still cant manage to sit for very long periods of time. my coccyx cushion became a good pal!

i actually had to apologise to my own DD as she slipped in the bath and hit her lower back/bottom on the taps....and i mistakenly thought that it couldnt hurt quite as much as she was making out - She was off school for a few days....i thought she might be swinging the lead a bit though i wasnt unsympathetic - but i got my just desserts i think! i now know exactly how much it hurts!

nobodyspecial · 19/02/2012 16:44

Did she not want to do the hoovering or something? If she was about to carry out a chore, and you have a feeling she was trying to stall, then YANBU.

If she genuinely fell, then YABU.

You're her mother, you know her best.

AllDirections · 19/02/2012 17:28

I don't ever know if 2 of my DDs are really hurt when they have accidents or 'accidents' because they scream over every bloody thing! They could be annoyed because I told them to put something away or they could have broken a bone, the dramatics would be the same. My other DD would only make a fuss if she was really hurt.

You know your DD OP so you know if you were unreasonable or not.

And if my 15 year old DD was dragging the hoover down the stairs in response to not wanting to hoover I wouldn't be sympathetic if she fell down the stairs because of it (unless she really was hurt that is :o )

marriedinwhite · 19/02/2012 18:08

My mother was totally unsympathetic and overlooked a broken ankle and told me off on the way home from the cinema once for being pathetic and making a stupid fuss because (was about 9/10) I felt really really ill. Apparently I had bad breath that day too and she laid into me for that too. I spent the next two weeks in bed with a really bad dose of influenza - one where the GP came out twice in one day because I was delirious and he thought about admitting me to hospital.

DD had an accident at my mum's a year or two ago and my mum phoned me to tell me that she had got her on the sofa from the garden and she thought it was a little sprain but dsd had called an ambulance because of her colour. She had a spiral fracture that required surgical pinning.

My mother is the biggest hypochondriac I have ever met and every time I speak to her I am regaled about a new ailment and what tests she's having. She calls me unsympathetic - I have never known any of her ailments to be serious.

Give the lass a bit of slack OP - sounds like she was doing something helpful if she was dragging a hoover down the stairs. My DC don't know what one is Smile

DressDownFriday · 19/02/2012 18:16

YANBU. Im presuming you can tell what's real and what is being over dramatic. Think Im quite often the same as you Blush. Dd knows what Im like and Will often run to dh for sympathy.

CrunchyFrog · 19/02/2012 18:29

I don't fuss, ever. My kids always get a "come on, you're OK" while I give them a once over.

It has turned into "come on, you're ohhhhhh SHIT you're bleeding" a few times. Grin

rhondajean · 19/02/2012 18:29

I would have reacted exactly the same way, especially with a 14 year old, I don't respond to histrionics and if they have really hurt themselves they can tell me after they have stopped making a scene!

And I don't care if you all think I'm not nice. Ner.

ragged · 19/02/2012 18:51

Those of us who live with Drama Queens Understand, MrsShears.
The problem is that occasionally they really have done themselves damage and you don't take it seriously because it just sounds the usual excessive & unneeded noise. Blush

LeQueen · 19/02/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 19/02/2012 19:01

Well I think that 5stairs is quite a few to fall down tbh.

That said, if she was being dramatic I can understand how you were trying not to make that side of things worse.

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/02/2012 19:07

our hoover is bloody heavy (dyson) and i have to drag it down/up stairs. I do think a bit of tlc is justified if you just fell down 5 stairs with a hoover in tow though.

my kids arent and never have been mollycoddled but a bit of perspective wouldnt go amiss....she fell down stairs with a hoover, accidents happen and i can testify to how much that can hurt! unless you are her then how can you say she was being over dramatic?

its not like she fell over while drunk. it wasnt self inflicted, it was just an accident. i dont see why comforting her is seen as being too soft?

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/02/2012 19:08

btw....im not soft on the pain front - i have a very high pain threshold (natural child birth and all that yadda yadda) but falling down stairs really did hurt - are you sure she hasnt really hurt something? i didnt know id broken my coccyx until the next day.

msjudgeypants · 19/02/2012 19:16

No time for drama queens in our house either. I'm sure you know her well enough to know when she's putting it on.

ThatVikRinA22 · 19/02/2012 19:17

my DH residing memory of his mother is her making him take part in a swimming gala and shouting at him for not doing better.

the following day he found out he had a broken arm.

believe it or not, these things stick in peoples minds....

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 19/02/2012 19:18

Having slipped down a few stairs yesterday I can say it bloody hurts! You seem to be rather harsh towards your dd. maybe in the morning you can soften up and ask if she is okay. She will probably have some bruises.

scottishmummy · 19/02/2012 19:22

why are you being so determined to be nonplussed
frankly it's v bizarre of you
and to post in a har serves her right way