To not give dd loads of sympathy when she fell down stairs?

[mrsshears]

Dd1(14) has just fallen down about 5 stairs with the hoover,which she was dragging rather than carrying,when she fell i went over and calmly said "oh dear dd are you alright?" que lots of screaming and crying "aarrgghh i can't walk or stand up" and rolling around the floor.
At this point i said "come on your ok" which resulted in more screaming and crying and refusing to try to move,at which point i'm afraid to say i said "ok well you will have to stay there then"(dd is know to be very dramatic)
Dh then shot me a look of disgust and went over and took over,he says i was far too harsh and should have given dd more sympathy,obviously dd was hurt and a bit shocked but i did feel the whole thing was all a bit dramatic and didnt want to encourage dd to carry it on,what do you think AIBU?

Falling downstairs with a heavy hoover is not 'nothing'.Even if she has no serious injuries I would imagine she would be pretty shaken!

scottishmummy i'm not denying that it was not a nice experience for her but it did not warrant the screaming crying and general hysterics that came with it,which is always the same story unless,oddly she really has something to complain about and then she tends to handle things well.
She has actually be walking around singing this past hour so i think its safe to say she is fine now,as i thought she would be.

if you want to live by the chin up nae blubbing thats up to you
a wee are you ok woukdbrt surely have dented your no nonsense nae greeting mammy veneer

I bet the OP knows the difference between her daughters cries of pain and her daughters cries for attention. They are pretty different
BTW how did you get her to do the hoovering in the first place?

Amateur psychologist moment: maybe she acts so dramatic because it's the only way she can get any attention/sympathy out of you?

Like about a million other people here, I still have scars from falls my mum said 'oh just get up and stop yer whining' about. Don't see how it would hurt to be sympathetic unless they were doing something really stupid to cause the accident (or actually even then, but you're ok to be angry with them too under those circumstances).

I'd go for the empathic approach - after all I'm sure you want her to be an empathic adult. Yes she could be hurt and upset about that OR she might be upset about a whole range of things and falling down the stairs was the cherry on the cake/final straw.

given op isn't coming across as empathic maybe she sees it as too much fuss
maybe she's trying to teach her teen to stop gurning.interesting that the dad/dh looked disgusted at the op and he consoled the girl. so clearly two parents did not see it same way, not as clear cut dramatic for effect as op infers

it is hard though when you have kids who are very over dramatic. dd is a huge drama queen, we had tears and screaming once when she was on the trampoline. she was rolling around saying she'd cut her foot.

she'd actually trodden on a plum. what she thought was blood was actually just plum juice.

A bit hard on the OP to call her "Not nice" or "not a nice mum". Her DD was fine and the OP clearly cares about her.

I am a bit of a drama queen myself and so are both my DCs - much better to ignore the howls and wails. Don't encourage it - adults who haven't grown out of that are a PITA. When they really are hurt you know, it's entirely different.

I think by the time your child is 14 you know whether they're doing the drama thing or whether it's genuine - cut the OP some slack.

One of my DCs acts like he's been shot through the heart when he so much as stumbles and I do the ignoring thing too. I can detect the difference in the screams when it's actual pain.

dd2 is dramatic and used to do dramatic rolls around the floor i dont think you were harsh it sounds harsh written down iyswim , and if she is dramatic then maybe she cried wolf a bit to many times , I hope she is ok cos it can hurt and she wouldve been embarassed too , dont give yourself a hard time , i I once shook dd2s arm after she fell off a bike said oh your fine was in casuality a day later with a broken arm

One of my DCs acts like he's been shot through the heart when he so much as stumbles and I do the ignoring thing too. I can detect the difference in the screams when it's actual pain.
Or just a cry for a bit of attention. Notice me. Please.
It's one of your DC's Hassled. No criticism implied, "but you do the ignoring thing".
We are not all the same and all have different needs.

My Mum once made me go to work (in a pub) when I said my foot really hurt. It turned out I had a needle stuck in it and needed an operation to remove it.
Another time I had a rash and she made me go to college. My lecturer took one look at me and whisked me to A and E. I ended up staying in with suspected meningitis.
OP, I think you and my Mum would get on. :)

LadyClarissa - with all due respect, you know nothing whatsoever about my family dynamics so you can fuck the fuck off. Shot through the heart Boy is the youngest of four and can barely move for attention. He has attention coming out of his ears. He also happens to be a drama queen.

I realise he's one of my DCs. I am aware that I have children.

"No criticism implied" - is that really true? What did you mean to imply?

I've fucked the fuck off. no criticism was implied at all.

Bloody hell do you all KNOW the op and her daughter?! Some very harsh replies here. Op said her daughter has form for over-reacting and for some posters to say she is not a nice mum is really stupid. I'm not sure How she should have reacted but she knows her daughter and if she is very dramatic maybe it is very difficult for the op. The over the top Abuse to the op here is silly

interesting family dynamic,the op dh thinks she is harsh
that speaks volumes

Not necessarily Scottish. I think we should listen to what the op is saying as she knows her daughter

I fell down the stairs last week. I was a little sore the next day, but fine the day after. But at the time I felt dizzy, went green and threw up. No idea why, but I was a bit surprised by my own reaction.

yes,read the op she's saying dh thinks she's harsh
he gave her look of disgust (op words not mine)
so IMO not as clear cut as wel if op says so.....given her dh doesn't seem to concur

sometimesmy DH can sound a bit harsh i will throw him a look that happens in families , sometimes , The op only gave us a snapshot maybe her dd whinges when she doesnt need to whinge rolls about when she bumps herself , doesnt mean the op is heartless ,

however op initiated post of how she won't give sympathy
how peculiar

But she asked her if she was alright she asked her a few times and then the girl started wailing by the sounds of it , i dont know how much sympathy she needed ,

Being dramatic doesn't equate to being a liar, unfortunately dramatic people are often more dismissed than liars, because, well they're so bloody dramatic and its irritating (and no, there's not always a need to be so dramatic).

I am dramatic - it used to be refered to as articulate when I was younger, or expressive, then dismissed as 'drama' with the implication I was in some way lying. Meh, I learned over the years to pull back a little thanks to kindness and patience of adults other than those who labelled me.

My son is dramatic too.

YABU Mrsshears in that you dismissed your dd when she'd actually really had a bit of a shock. You could have still told her to calm down, or helped calm her down whilst showing concern.

YANBU to have found it all very irritating.

Its sometimes hard to judge in situations though and mistakes and misjudgements can be made no parent is perfect and can judge things wrong , If your teenagers wails at everything do we give sympathy everytime they wail and roll about It baffles me sometimes ,