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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I didn't say anything to this new Mum, and now I wonder if I should have done...

379 replies

lurcherlover · 19/02/2012 12:51

In Starbucks, a couple came in with their baby (brand new - no more than a couple of weeks old). Dad goes to get coffees, Mum sits down opposite me and starts to make a bottle up. She got a bottle of water out, mixed formula powder in it then proceeded to feed it straight to baby. Obviously therefore the water had been boiled at home, but allowed to cool while they were out. I assumed she didn't realise the bacteria are in the formula, but believed the widely-held myth that it's the water that's dangerous. I nearly said something - I wasn't at all going to be rude, I was going to say something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind me saying, but you'd be better keeping a flask of water straight from the kettle with you, mixing the powder in a bit of that and then topping it up with cooled boiled water so baby can drink it" - but I held off and didn't say anything because I'm a wimp I thought it wasn't my business. But afterwards, I thought, if it had been me and I was doing something (however unwittingly) that might be putting my baby's health at risk, I would want another Mum to tell me so in as non-threatening a way as possible. So I wonder if I should have said something. What do you think?

(Disclaimer: this is in NO WAY intended to be an anti-FF thread - I just wanted to point out to her the safest possible way to formula-feed her baby, not in any way to judge, so please don't think that comes into it)

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 13:44

It used to be you could carry it around but use it within the hour maryz iirc

MaryZ · 19/02/2012 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 13:45

Exactly what the mum is the OP did Grin

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 13:46

did in the OP

GrahamTribe · 19/02/2012 13:46

I understand now why all the BF-ers claim that it's easier and that FF-ings a faff what with making up bottles continuously. I always thought that was a lame argument before. Making up bottles means to me that you boil the water for a whole day's feeds late in the evening, let it cool a little, add the formula and store in the fridge overnight, using the microwave to warm each one as required the following day. Simple.

DoMeDon · 19/02/2012 13:46

You are supposed to make each bottle fresh and let it cool. There is a bug found - rarely- in some formula which can kill. Preparing the correct way gets rid of the bug and the risk. I made it with cooled bolied water- like most on this thread. I was told of the risk as DD was coming off formula and am glad I didn;t have to make it the 'right' way - lot of faff. Mind you the guilt if you are one of the very few would stay forever.

The mum may or may not have known of the risk. I find it hard to see why it would have been awful for OP to say so. Surely people aren't so sensitive and irrational to go off on one just because someone tries to help!?!

Chandon · 19/02/2012 13:46

Sorry OP I have no idea what you mean. I have even mixed bottles with evian if I did not have boiled water to hand.

I taught my kids to drink their milk at room temperature too btw.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 13:47

Also the couple might live very close to Starbucks and be only 5 mins away in which case the water would be just the right temp! Grin

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 19/02/2012 13:47

What do you do if you are out for the day, then?

I either used to use ready made or carry the sterilised water in the bottle and add the powder when I was ready

MaryZ · 19/02/2012 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amicissimma · 19/02/2012 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryZ · 19/02/2012 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 19/02/2012 13:49

My mother knew a lady who never sterilised her bottles - no-one told her she had to! (more than 40 years ago, mind)

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 13:50

Do how convenient for the makers of ready made cartons of FF Wink

CrashLanded · 19/02/2012 13:51

So I wonder if I should have said something. What do you think?

IMO, you did the right thing by saying nothing.

GrownUp2012 · 19/02/2012 13:53

My DS was fed on cooled boiled water mixed straight up with formula and survived. I never could wait for the kettle to boil and then the water to cool for my DS, so I'd pre-prepare the day's bottles by doing six bottles at once, letting them cool and then popping in the measured out formula in little containers that sat in the bottle ready to mix up when needed.

DoMeDon · 19/02/2012 13:53

There is a difference between bacteria about the home, on hands and from normal day to day living and a killer bacteria found - rarely- in formula though.

DC don't need medical type sterilisation of all things but a bit of care. The formula bug is hardly found but can kill - I wouldn't have wanted to knowingly risk that.

This thread alone shows that many are unaware of the risk - maybe imparting this factette would have been helpful after all.

When out and about I used cartons - DD had room temp milk from birth. I'm a least faff kind of parent.

MrsAmaretto · 19/02/2012 13:54

Good thing you didn't say anything as your advice is not what is recommended by formula manufacturers, midwives, health visitors or the WHO.

IMO the official advice on how to make up formula is totally impractical, but that's a different thread.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 19/02/2012 13:54

oh i would have said something. the risk of getting the e salazakii or whatever it's called bug is low, but if your kid gets it, they pretty much die.
although the good thing is that she was using it straight away, so the bug, if it was in there, wouldn't have time to duplicate much (i think). the WHO directive does say that using immediately is second best to doing it at the right temp, so i think it's bottles made up using cool water and then given later that would be more problematic.
i don't get the problem with saying something, it seems rather patronising. i'd rather have known.

EdnaClouds · 19/02/2012 13:56

How do you know she was a new mum? The baby could have been her 6th for all you know.

DoMeDon · 19/02/2012 13:56

i don't get this - I did it and mine were fine thing. Things change.

I was put in a moses basket and driven around country lanes to sleep- after my DF had a few beers. Now he'd be up for neglect or some such nonsense.

My friend has 7 DC - slept all of them on thier tummy from birth. the rules changed during her time but she was happy with what she was doing.

We make our choices and weigh up the risks. It's not madness to pass on info when guidelines change though!!

handbagCrab · 19/02/2012 13:56

I read a study that off handy mentioned the number of deaths attributed to deathly bacteria in formula was 50 worldwide in 40 years iirc.

I'm anxious though so I buy ready made sma bottles with sterile teats for out and about, apparently I'm lazy...

startail · 19/02/2012 13:57

We all did bottles like that, the risks to a full term healthy baby are minuscule.

3boysandagirl · 19/02/2012 13:57

I'm so glad you never said anything, I would have been really annoyed if you'd said it to me. There is nothing worse then getting advice when you haven't asked for it!

3boysandagirl · 19/02/2012 13:58

And I still make up my formula in advance!

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