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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother's Day - how does is work when you are a mum too?

92 replies

swooby · 17/02/2012 15:51

Hi Everyone,
This is my second mother's day. For the first one what happened was that my husband made me a breakfast and then took his mum out to lunch whilst I went to my mum's and cooked a lunch for her.
But now that he is suggesting that the same thing happens again this year I am starting to feel a bit disgruntled! Am I being unreasonable? Shouldn't I also get taken out for lunch/made lunch by him (seeing as my son is only 18 months and is not up to much cooking yet!).
I suggested that we all (my mum, me and his mum) have a lunch together either out or at my home, but mother-in-law is not happy with that, she is insiting that she be taken out by her son and no one else be there. Does this sound selfish to anyone else?

I am new to being a mum on mother's day and wanted to know how you all deal with keeping all mums happy??? What do you do on the day? Thanks

OP posts:

EauDeLaPoisson · 17/02/2012 15:53

She sounds like a selfish possesive odd bod.

FourEyesGood · 17/02/2012 15:54

I send my mum a card. DH sends his mum a card. My DS and DD scribble in a card for me (bought by my DH) and we all (me, DH and DCs, that is) go out to a cafe for cakes.

JustHecate · 17/02/2012 15:54

I do bog all.

I am one of those really unreasonable joyless buggers who doesn't buy into the mothers day / valentines day / fathers day hype.

If it was me in this situation - I'd say these are the choices - we all have a meal together or we do nothing. aka like it or lump it.

Gumby · 17/02/2012 15:54

Blimey she sounds hard work

FourEyesGood · 17/02/2012 15:54

Oh and yes, your MIL is being totally unreasonable.

EauDeLaPoisson · 17/02/2012 15:54

I have spent many years fussing over mothers day for my mum now I have my own family she needs to take a back seat for a while and imo I should be fussed over (which tbf rarely happens most of the time im at work!)

valiumredhead · 17/02/2012 15:55

What do I do? Ds gives me a card and flowers. When he was little dh bought them for him to give to me. We have my mum up for lunch which I cook.

Is she really insisting that no one else is involved? What does your dh think about it? Why can't you all go out together?

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2012 15:55

I don't understand

He is your Husband...not your child so why wouldn't you both just do things for your Mothers until your child is old enough to do something for you?

DavidaCottonmouth · 17/02/2012 15:56

For us, it is simply the fourth Sunday in Lent. We treat it much the same way as any other Sunday in Lent. If we lived closer to where I grew up, we would visit, but that isn't really an option for us.

We don't do the secular cards, daffodils, breakfast in bed stuff.

Yama · 17/02/2012 15:57

On the day I phone my Mum - unless we are visiting that weekend. My Mum certainly does not put any pressure on any of us in any way.

I, as a parent, expect nothing for Mother's Day. Certainly nothing from dh. I think I always get a card. Plans do not change merely because it is Mother's Day.

What am I trying to say? I guess it's that I see Mother's Day as commercial and I am a daughter and parent all year round, not jsut on one day (a day not chosen by me).

Pootles2010 · 17/02/2012 15:57

I agree with you actually OP. To me its a day to say thank you for all the hard work mothers do. She is not exactly working hard at being a mother at the moment is she?

So yes you should definitely be involved! She sounds hard work.

EauDeLaPoisson · 17/02/2012 15:58

Why should they have to do things for their mothers seperatley though? They are adults and they have their own family now...surely its all about kids spoiling and fussing over their parents/making them a card with their handprints on...why does that parent of a grown up child need anything more than a nice thoughtful card and bunch of daffs?

nickelDorritt · 17/02/2012 15:58

Mothering sunday.

It works by you give your mum a card/pressie/flowers and visit her for tea (afternoon tea)
You get cards/pressies/flowers from your DC (done by your Dp/DH if the DC is too young) and you get waited on hand and foot by your family.

nickelDorritt · 17/02/2012 15:59

I kind of agree with your MIL, personally.
It means you get to spend time with your mum on your own too.

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2012 15:59

But the OP's child isn't old enough yet to say 'thank you for all that mothers do'

I agree the MIL does sound like a nightmare though

I think I'd offer to take them both out to together and if either or them refuse, they can make do with a card.

pommedechocolat · 17/02/2012 16:01

Flowers sent to dm and mil.

Card/pressie for me from dh and dd. Lazy day for me as dh will do the cooking.

I would be very unimpressed if I was left minding a toddler by myself on mother's day so he could take a demanding old boot out for lunch.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 17/02/2012 16:01

Your MIL is being incredibly unreasonable. She sounds selfish in the extreme.

EauDeLaPoisson · 17/02/2012 16:01

I remember my first mothers day. All I wanted was to spend some time with 4 month old DD and have a chinese takeaway for dinner. We went round to MIL's so DH could see her and give her gifts etc and she had put on a grand tea and took umbridge when I said sorry I am eating at home later- i'd already discussed with DH what I wanted to do and he said fine. But shes the kind of person who wants to do things her way and to hell with anyone elses plans. Grrr, just grrr at MIL's

SarahBumBarer · 17/02/2012 16:02

I am always astonished at just how much people care about Mothers Day.

I do think it is odd when people expect their other halfs to do things that their children are actually too young today so YABU for that. But your MIL is still also vv unreasonable.

EauDeLaPoisson · 17/02/2012 16:03

Why not? My kids are too young to go to the shops choose a suitable card and present for their Dad's birthday- doesn't mean his birthday should go unacknowleged by his children does it?

defineme · 17/02/2012 16:04

Go to a spa for the day, dh can take kids with him to lunch with mil.
She's a controlling sod for insisting on anything, but why is she like that?
Is she always attention seeking/controlling or is she lonely and doesn't see her ds the rest of the time?
My dh and kids will be cooking me and my mum lunch, mil will be at her other son's house receiving the same treatment. A card will be sorted at school and I will by my Mum one.

Iggly · 17/02/2012 16:05

Why not you and your mum go for lunch with your DS?

sittinginthesun · 17/02/2012 16:06

I hope to get a card and flowers from dcs.

I buy my mum a card and plant (sometimes visit, but she lives a bit of a distant, so it depends).

DH always forgets his mum. His brother buys a card and puts his name on it. Family tradition.

I assume your mil is demanding at other times if year too? I would be careful which battles you pick - personally, as long as I get a card, I'm not bothered about anything else.

SarahBumBarer · 17/02/2012 16:06

But the card is not the children acknowledging his birthday - it is you doing it for them which to my mind makes it meaningless. As you point out they are too young so it is entirely pointless that you do that. The children *acknowledging" his birthday is perhaps wishing him a happy birthday, making a card if old enough etc etc. You doing things entirely on their behalf is ridiculous. IMO. Each to their own.

worldgonecrazy · 17/02/2012 16:06

YANBU. Mothers Day is for all mothers and I think MiL is being a bit selfish. We all go out as a family, so that all the mothers can feel special, not just the eldest ones.

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