Mother's Day - how does is work when you are a mum too?

[swooby]

Hi Everyone,
This is my second mother's day. For the first one what happened was that my husband made me a breakfast and then took his mum out to lunch whilst I went to my mum's and cooked a lunch for her.
But now that he is suggesting that the same thing happens again this year I am starting to feel a bit disgruntled! Am I being unreasonable? Shouldn't I also get taken out for lunch/made lunch by him (seeing as my son is only 18 months and is not up to much cooking yet!).
I suggested that we all (my mum, me and his mum) have a lunch together either out or at my home, but mother-in-law is not happy with that, she is insiting that she be taken out by her son and no one else be there. Does this sound selfish to anyone else?

I am new to being a mum on mother's day and wanted to know how you all deal with keeping all mums happy??? What do you do on the day? Thanks

... and the 'motherly status' wrangling makes me shudder. There's no such thing... your partner is your partner, not your child...

When is mothers' day?

I tend to get nothing although I do eventually manage to find out and remember what the date is and give my mum a card and pressie the day before

OP your problem isn't mothers' day it's your mil and quite possibly your dh. You need to get him to realise that your mil stamping her foot to get her own way isn't normal and he needs to put you and your dc first. This seems a good place to start. Book a meal out somewhere and invite both your mums. If she refuses and throws a tantrum ignore it and go without her.

I absolutely agree that mils deserve respect just as we all do. This mil is being demanding and controlling because she has been enabled by her family and possibly matriarchal extended families were the norm when she was growing up.
It's complicated isn't it?
If Passover is very special (so like Christmas?) then what was dh thinking booking that holiday?
Your child's birthday very very different. I appreciate the urge for an easy life, but what were you thinking? Celebrate together a few days later. Ring her up on the day, but come home early-you and your dh deserve each other for being such doormats!
She may well fight against your first refusals but, if she's got any sense, she'll realise that she still sees her ds and dgs and the worldhasn't collapsed with a compromise.
With my dh I had to have a lot of conversations where I said 'This makes me feel like crap and I appreciate and love your parents, but I also love our family and cannot live my life entirely for their benefit'. He took a step back and was able to draw the necessary boundaries -we now all go on holiday together without simmering resentments and see each other weekly without upset.
Your family is still young change is possible.

Agree with definime. The problem isn't your MIL, she can huff and puff all she wants, she can't blow your house down. The problem is you and your husband deciding on your priorities together and being prepared to let his mother not get her own way. I would be angry with my husband not his mother if he sided with his mother rather than me.
Jewish mothers do have a reputation for this sort of thing though, no idea if deserved or not as few Jews in my area of Scotland. If I had ever had a Jewish boyfriend though I would have wanted to make sure he was not a mummy's boy before marrying as I wouldn't tolerate this sort of crap.
We usually pay minimal attention to mothers day anyway but once I was a mother I felt if any mother was to have an easy day of it in our family it should be me as I primarily see it as a day to treat mothers of children, not mothers of adults. Once I had my kids we tended to just phone and send cards to our own mothers. as a child we always fussed over mum, the grannies just got cards from my parents.
I think expecting a mothers day fuss from a baby is a bit much, but an 18 month old should be able to understand a bit about a special day for mummy and giving her a bunch of flowers or some chocolates you can then all eat together (unless you are one of those mothers who thinks chocolates poison preschool children)

We do nothing, we get token gifts and maybe have a bit of tea & cake if I am not working.
My mum knows she is special and appreciated anyway. She is the one who buys a pressie for my wee ones to give to me! Sounds like the husbands/partners mothers are being quite unreasonable, esp if they are the grannies of their sons children!

Well this year we've moved to a different part of the country so I wont see my mum. She will get a card though and an M and S gift card in the post If I still lived near her we'd probably go round her's for lunch- me and DC anyway, and go get my gran from the nursing home. Then we'd all fuss over my gran.

DP never remembers mothers day so his mum probably gets nothing. But, hey neighter do I unless DD has made me a card at nursery.

I think your MIL is being rude, weird and very ungrateful and posessive.

YANBU my view is that the grandmas have had their time being a hands on Mum, running self ragged etc and they should take a back seat to the Mums who are doing all the running around now and therefore would really appreciate a bit of a treat. Plus they've had 30 odd years to be a Mum for us it's new, exciting and bloody hard work.
My first Mums day was a big family lunch, which sucked as it was completely impractical with young kids. MIL made out it was all about her and we ended up footing an expensive bill.
Last year was much better we just went out for a picnic, lovely day out and my DH went to see his Mum another day. My Mum is overseas and Mothers Day is not even on the same day so I just about remember to call her.

We've always had DM and DMIL round for lunch which I cook (but I love cooking ). My DM passed away 4 months ago and I'm dreading Mother's Day this year I'd like to have a day on my own with DH and DSs but DMIL is on her own so it wouldn't be fair. Will just have to put a brave face on.

Aww footballmum... I hope the day is gentle on you. :(

I have two teenagers and a full time job. I am being expected by my mother and siblings to spend Mother's Day with them, on my own (my husband and children are not invited), involving a 5 hour round trip. Am I alone in thinking this is odd and unreasonable?

DH and I both have DC from previous relationships. Mine are grown up. We now have DD aged 14 months together. Before we had her, I would meet my DTS's for lunch and he would sometimes take his own DM out, or pop round with a card and flowers. My own mother is dead.

Last year, without any prior discussion, MIL arranged a family lunch at her home, on Mothers Day. Definitely not like her-I think she just thought it was a good excuse to get everyone together.

My DH wanted me to attend with DD as his DB, SIL and their DD were attending. I wanted to spend it separately with our DD and my DTS's. However, I was willing to concede the point on THIS occasion. As it happened, I got really sick a few days before, so wasn't in a fit state to spend it with anyone. I was more than happy for DH to take DD and leave me to my dying swan routine!

I have already outlined to him, that this year, I will be going out for a lovely lunch with DD and DTS's. I don't expect him to be there-he may want to spend it with his own DM.

The fact that you are now a mum doesn't mean you don't both still have mums - you have many years of Mother's Days ahead of you. Also, it changes as the years go by. When ours were elderly and disabled we used to bring them to ours and I would cook a family meal. Bit of an effort, granted, but it was a nice family occasion.

The best way at the moment is to all go out for a meal together. Your MIL is being selfish insisting on a meal out with your DH on their own.

My mum already has her Mothering Sunday present and I will be haunting the shop where I can get Brit cards until they have one saying Mothering Sunday on it. As we are not in UK we won't see either of our Mums, but we will ring mine, and send a card - not sure what we are doing about dh's, as none of her children are speaking to her at present.

I am hoping that I'll get tea in bed and a card and perhaps get taken out to breakfast which would be nice.

All those messages withdrawn, sounds like hubby saw them and has had a strop. hope things are OK.

Its also my second mothers day. Last year Dh made a fuss on ds' behalf and probably Will again. I don't agree with the whole "your not his mother so why should he" arguement as you are the mother of his kids and its about having some respect shown for this, I do the same on fathers day. We so respect eachother the rest of the year (before anyone pipes up about needing a day to do so) but its just nove

In our family Grandma wins. She gets a card from everyone (3 kids, 10 grandkids, 10 great-grand-kids) and all those currently in the country visit on pain of Disapproval.

Then my mother and I will drink wine and watch the children run feral. Good times.

Hope all is OK, OP.

If I had ever had a Jewish boyfriend though I would have wanted to make sure he was not a mummy's boy before marrying as I wouldn't tolerate this sort of crap.

I would find a mummy's boy of ANY religion a bit of a pita as it goes, and judging by the plethora of MiL based issues on these boards I am far from sure that any religion has a monopoly on demanding mothers! Just saying.