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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or ungrateful to think that a present of 2 nights B&B is a thoughtless present.

124 replies

LizziePizzie · 14/02/2012 15:45

Please don't get me wrong here, it is at a VERY nice posh spa hotel, but here in lies the problem. My husband and I are going to have to pay for food and any spa treatments. Its like a brilliant present but with a financial burden attached to it. We are being forced to spoil ourselves when we would rather just save money.

We wouldn't have chosen to spend money on ourselves in this way at all, but now booked, (over mothering sunday weekend so an excuse to spoil me!) we are looking forward to it!

OP posts:
Tmesis · 14/02/2012 16:49

I don't think I've ever paid for any extra treatments at a spa hotel. Generally the swimming pool, steam room and sauna are free and I am very happy with those.

Having to sort out dinner is more of a pain, but if you have a big breakfast then you'll only really need one more meal. And you can explore the local area (you'll have time to do that if you're not buying extra treatments) and have a nice pub dinner somewhere close with a roaring fire.

Blu · 14/02/2012 16:50

I understand your dilemma!
It is likely that lunches and dinners in the hotel would come to a considerable amount and if it isn't necessarily what you would have chosen to do, AND you are counting pennies, of course it is a bit of a dilemma.

And giving something like this is very prescriptive - generous, but not necessarily tactful.

Treat it like an adventure. Find out what else there is nearby to visit or do in place of expensive spa treatments (Personally I would HATE being fiddled about with and smeared with stuff), have nice sandwich lunches out, and treat yourself to a drink in the bar. I am sure it will be in a lovely location, with nice grounds - and hopefully a lovely luxurious room.

frankie3 · 14/02/2012 18:48

Yabu

My dh and I went to a spa hotel with hardly any money but had a great time. We used the pool, relaxation rooms, sauna etc. we sat in the lovely lounge areas and read the magazines that were provided. We found a nearby county pub for dinner and took some snacks to have in the room.

We did this for our 10th wedding anniversary and had a wonderful time. So Yabu as this is a gift.

BrianButterfield · 14/02/2012 19:01

I actually find the nicer the hotel, the easier it is to do things for free! So drinks in the bar will be expensive...but they might provide nice complimentary nuts or nibbles with them. There are magazines and newspapers lying around for you to read, large grounds to walk in, relaxing communal areas with comfy chairs, a gym and pool to use, and the breakfast will no doubt be lavish and lovely.

hermionestranger · 14/02/2012 19:06

I'll have it off you, but is has to be tomorrow. The kids are going to my mums all day Wednesday AND Thursday including over night! Yahoo!

shewhowines · 14/02/2012 19:08

YANBU

GrownUp2012 · 14/02/2012 19:15

I'd take the opportunity to sleep, read and bathe if someone booked me a hotel away somewhere for a weekend and looked after the kids for me. Even without extras it would be idyllic, I think you are maybe being a tad ungrateful.

Take a romantic room picnic with you the first night, made up at home and enjoy it after loads of rumpy pumpy. Take snacks and drinks with you to save on expensive purchases there. Swim in the pool. Go for a nice walk.

It needn't cost you that much and would still be a very fun time.

NorksAreMessy · 14/02/2012 19:20

Sex is free.

But please don't bonk in the jacuzzi, it upsets the Colonel

halcyondays · 14/02/2012 19:33

Yabu. I'd be over the moon if we could have a weekend break without our dds in a hotel and somebody else was paying for us to stay there. absolutely no chance of that happening for us, Envybut if there was we'd not be moaning about needing some spending money. Shock I hope your friends don't read this thread.

NervousLaugh · 14/02/2012 19:54

You've been given a voucher for a free nights stay in a posh hotel and presumably breakfast included as well.

You said you've been 'sitting on it for 9 months' and have to use it within the next 3.

Yabu, you technically had a year to put away a few pounds each week to save for travel fairs, plus food and any extras you want!

If this had been thrown on you the week before and you are skint i'd sympathise. But it wasn't, you've had ample time save so it doesn't leave you short for the month. You could have had a brilliant weekend, with the major expense paid for you!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/02/2012 20:02

YABU

Bogeyface · 14/02/2012 20:02

Its not a thoughtful gift if the recipients cant use it or are struggling to use it because of the associated cost.

OP YANBU, any gift that includes you having to spend a not insignificant amount of money (unless you had asked for it in advance) is not something I would want to recieve! If I was in your position I wouldnt be able to use it as I could justify the extra expense!

Bogeyface · 14/02/2012 20:03

couldnt justify the expense

ImperialBlether · 14/02/2012 20:05

Maybe she can't afford to save, NervousLaugh? Maybe if she could save, she'd rather spend the money on something she would enjoy.

I'm sure the givers' intentions were good, but actually the OP is right - it's not much of a present when it involves you spending a lot of money on something you don't really want.

Don't go if you don't want to. Just because they choose to give it, it doesn't mean you should choose to go.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 14/02/2012 20:08

Of course you are being unreasonable. Next?

AnyFucker · 14/02/2012 20:09

OP, I'll give you 20 quid for it

featherbag · 14/02/2012 20:10

We booked a V expensive hotel/spa for our 1st wedding anniversary. We were a bit poor, but it was our last chance for a romantic break before DS arrived. We didn't book any 'treatments', we bought fish and chips and ate them in the room. Naked. And then entertained ourselves for free. Wink

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/02/2012 20:11

OP DP and I haven't had a childfree weekend in over 7 years for various reasons. I would be extatic if someone did this for me.
I'll give you £35 quid for it.

OrmIrian · 14/02/2012 20:11

YANBU. If you can't afford it, its not a gift, it's a burden.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/02/2012 20:13

"A burden"
It's not compulsory, if it's that big a deal don't go Hmm

StealthPenguin · 14/02/2012 20:14

Do you have to pay for food and spa treatments? No.

Should you be grateful for the lovely gift? Damn straight.

Have an indoors picnic, bring something sexyful for a bit of play time, bring bubble bath, a bottle of somethingorother and your favourite book. Job done!

And besides, if it's on Mothering Sunday then you've got about a month to think "If we downgrade from [pricey stuff] to [cheaper stuff] then we'd save [£00.00] which can go towards our weekend away."

You'd be surprised how much you may end up with. Even £100 on a weekend away goes quite far unless it's £75 per massage!

lisad123 · 14/02/2012 20:15

Me and dh had a spa night a few years back. We ended up eating pot noddles in our room because we could afford lunch there Blush
But spa itself was free, we didn't have treatments and it was lovely, relaxed and so nice to sleep.
You are ungrateful and really should think before you post

OrmIrian · 14/02/2012 20:16

Well if they don't go, it's no gift at all.

Point being if you are broke,a gift that will cost you money you don't have is a thoughtless gift.

Hoolet · 14/02/2012 20:16

Right. 40 quid and the bidding is with Hoolet.

Seriously, OP you are being a bit brattish. You could have saved, you could pass it on to someone else, you could take sandwiches. Basically, if you wanted a way round this and were committed to being positive or having fun then you could do.

But you want to be negative, so what's the real reason? Are you jealous of/humiliated by the friends who gave it to you?

Antidote · 14/02/2012 20:18

Well, I am going against the grain and saying YANBU.

I understand it is a generous and well meant gift, but it would piss me off. The gifters (?) are making an assumption that you can get childcare, that you would want to go away and that you can afford the extras.

A gift like this would cause massive issues for me and DH. He would loathe the whole thing and ruin the weekend moaning. I would probably do some sulking. Romantic? Not so much!