Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

well am I ? ds' girlfriend ...........cats .....feeling smalll

131 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 14/02/2012 10:16

I have moaned alot on here about DS1s grlfriend

They are both 18

her mum as to go to London and ds1 girlfriend said the cats would coming here

Apparently that is now not possible and the cats must stay at her' (the girfriends mum's house

I've never spoken to her ....should I ? And if i should , what aould I say

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 14/02/2012 13:27

No, the time to have spoken to her would have been when her daughter moved in.

The oddest thing is not the cats, but your complete inability to police who is living in your house.

Your posts and reaction to things make you sound like a relative of mine. She drinks..

@obi.. that actully sounds really rude and insulting toward me So you think like I'm like your drunk relative because I'm not chucking them out on street [hmmm]

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/02/2012 13:29

I'm not sure but I think Obi might have been alluding to the erratic typing rather than the actual content IYSWIM?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 14/02/2012 13:35

I'm not good at typing .....or speiling

OP posts:
balia · 14/02/2012 13:35

I think it is probably a reference to the confusing posts, OP, which make very little sense.

The Mum doesn't want her cats to go to your house. It's not a judgement of you (unless she is thinking she'll never see them again and have to listen to you whinging about them making a mess and taking you for granted) she just wants her cats looked after in their own home and thinks her daughter should get her bloody finger out and do it since since she is doing nothing else except sign on. She may feel that she has tried to set boundaries and get the girl moving with her life, and you have hijacked that somewhat by letting her shack up at yours.

BTW, no-one said chuck DS out, did they?

scrablet · 14/02/2012 13:49

I remember when a friend asked my clueless DH to look after his fairly young cat for a week. I thought he meant feed etc and just said to DH ok, but you do it since you agreed. But, no he thought their young cat would stay with us and our old established cat.
I went ballistic at DH at the very thought. Nothing personal (catonal?) about moggy but it is just such a bad idea!!
Be grateful the mother at least has the common sense to realise that cats moving house is best avoided if possible.

ObiWan · 14/02/2012 13:56

Sorry - I was thinking more of your total over reaction to the cat thing, when it's the GF living in your house that I would have thought was the real issue.

You just give the impression that you have lost all perspective, and have become pretty incoherent. I don't think I'm alone in not knowing whether we are supposed to take you seriously or not Confused.

And my sense of humour tends toward the dark side, despite my name..

Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2012 14:00

So...do you want the cats or do you want to exchange a few home truths with the mother?

Only I think, from reading your past threads, that the time is long past to decide whether you'll be tolerating the relocation of your ds's girlfriend to your house or you won't. What I wouldn't be doing is feeling, in some bizarre way, rejected as a suitable cat hotel. Although I recognise that this is ironic given that you appear to be running a hotel for your ds and his girlfriend.

ViviPru · 14/02/2012 15:33

I think a couple of entitled cats will be the least of your worries when your DS's girlfriend finds herself pregnant.

OTheHugeManatee · 14/02/2012 15:35

Creamola, are you seriously feeling upset at losing another opportunity for people to take advantage of you?

Confused Grin
Inertia · 14/02/2012 15:47

Sorry to sound abrupt , but the cats and the GF mother have got bog all to do with you.

If I was GF mother I wouldn't be best pleased to get a phone call haranguing me about my cats. They aren't coming to yours, so no problem.

Kewcumber · 14/02/2012 20:41

Sorry really not familiar with the back story but I'm totally baffled why you give a flying duck about your DS's girlfriends mums cats Confused

And I'm a cat owner there is no way I would let my cat go to anyone elses house for a week - they would be totally traumatised and wouldn't eat all week and it wouldn't be fair on them. You sound 15 being sulky because someone doesn't trust you with their cats!

And if you call her mother to tell her all of this she is going to think you are barking (miawing?) mad.

TheSecondComing · 14/02/2012 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 14/02/2012 23:00

at TheSecondComing ...I'm not forcing my son into anything don't be daft!

I think alot of it has to do as well with the fact the my exhusband and me lived with my mum when we were 18. He properly drove her nuts and if there had been mumsnet back then I imagine she would be posting similiar to me!

I've figured out my latest moan stems from 2 things

a) I am perplexed as to why her mother has never visited

b) I miss my old cats more than I realised

and I do take advice from here, changes have already been made but sometimes , some advice can be a bit odd

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 15/02/2012 13:52

Who is she?
The cats mother?

cory · 15/02/2012 14:05

the gf is an adult; it is her responsibility, not her mothers, to check up on the people she is staying with

as a human adult she is likely to be quite flexible about staying in different places

the cats are cats, that is they are territorial creatures who will not thrive on moving house

you seem surprised that the mother is not treating a human and a cat in the same way and seem to be suggesting that this means a lack of concern for her daughter

I cultivate water fleas to feed my catfish on. My ds doesn't get any of those. Doesn't mean I love them more than him, just that they have different needs.

It may well be that the mother has been uncaring in the past, but the dd is now getting to an age where even the most loving parent would be handing over responsibility to her. But noone would ever hand over responsibility to a cat.

MissMogwi · 15/02/2012 14:31

Grin @ Shutupanddrive

Clownsarescary · 15/02/2012 14:39

Grin at this thread

OP the woman probably doesn't want to burden you with the cats.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2012 14:45

"I'm not forcing my son into anything don't be daft!"
So, Creamola, if your son were to want to split with his GF, how would he go about that - given that his GF lives with you both? 'Force' might be a little strong, but your doormat-impression is definitely predisposing this relationship to continue. Whereas if she lived elsewhere, and they had to actually make an effort to see each other, it might well have dwindled by now.

And what cory said about cats being territorial.

Sorry to call you a doormat, but I seem to remember that you were asking how you could crowbar this cuckoo out of your nest; and now you're not taking the opportunity to get her out of your house for a week.

WHY are DS1 and GF not moving there to take care of the cats?

Birdsgottafly · 15/02/2012 14:50

Perhaps the reason that the GF has deposited herself at yours is to avoid any responsibility.

Her mother may have been putting terms and conditions,such as job seeking or looking into training, for her bed and board. Now you have undone that.

You should have spoken to her mother well before now, if only to checkout her possible reasons for needing to leave home.

If you are a previous cat owner, you should know exactly why you could not allow someone to take the cats to their house to look after them.

My 16 year old DD stays in her friends houses, i wouldn't let any of them look after my dog, the two are completely separate issues.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 17/02/2012 00:54

well spank my ass and call me Judy !!

They are only 18 .......18 by six months ....they are not full fledged grownups

OP posts:
MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 17/02/2012 01:23

Jesus i can't believe i read this thread....

They are 18!!!! ADULTS!!!!! They are only immature if you treat them like helpless babies.

Forget about the frigging cats k?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 17/02/2012 01:40

so what where you doing when you were 18 ?

where completely indpendant from from mum and dad !

Did you have your own home ....did you rent it indepentandly or have a mortgage ....

They are 18 ....not 28

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 17/02/2012 02:07

i rest my case

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 17/02/2012 03:01

At 18 I was living with my DP in a rented flat about 100 miles away from my parents...seeing as the person you asked didn't answer :)

Thumbwitch · 17/02/2012 03:14

Creamola - I think it is a bit daft to be offended that your DS's GF's mum doesn't want her cats to come and stay with you for a week.
It's probably not about your abilities to look after her cats - it's more likely to be worrying that the cats won't know where they are and will try and get back to their own home and possibly run over along the way. I doubt you'd be keeping them indoors the whole time, would you?
She might also have been hoping that her own daughter would consider coming and staying back in her house, to look after the house as much as the cats, and possibly consider staying - i.e. a subtle plan!

Whatever her actual reasons, I would think that bottom of the list of possibilities is that you are "not good enough" for her cats.

In the meantime, I feel for you having your DS's GF living there - my parents allowed both my brother and sister (at separate times, I'm pretty sure) to have live-in partners in late teens/early twenties - don't know how my Mum survived!
My sister did move out with her BF at 19 though - it is feasible, but they both had jobs. No wait, my sis had a job, the BF didn't at the time but he soon got one. But that was long ago when renting was a lot cheaper than it currently is!

Please stop fretting about the cats - it is no reflection on you as a person, honestly.

Swipe left for the next trending thread