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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most people are unsympathetic about addiction?

155 replies

Ilovedaintynuts · 13/02/2012 13:57

Within minutes of her death being made public my facebook was full of tributes to Whitney Houston but also people saying they have no sympathy as she only has herself to blame..blah blah.

I find addiction and what it does to individuals, families and society tragic.

My occupation is Oncology and I still find extreme addiction as tragic as dying from cancer.

Whethers it's drugs, alcohol, smoking, spending, gambling it's an illness, isn't it?

Why do people think that these addicts should just stop and that it's their fault they are making themselves ill?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 13:59

I agree

If she ate herself to death she would probably have had far more sympathy shown by some people.

The truth is, everyone has their demons and if they can't fight them for whatever reason, it's all very sad.

Kayano · 13/02/2012 14:02

I just get pissed off when people was calling bobby brown a murderer etc

How utterly ridiculous.

As of she didn't know risks of addiction. It is tragic but it seems like there is always 'someone else' to blame with celebrity deaths

TheParanoidAndroid · 13/02/2012 14:02

The difference is often in the way addictions impact on others. Dying of cancer is not analogous to being a drug addict/drunk and dying from that, because chances are the latter has shit all over the people in their lives in a way the former has not.
It can make you quite hard-hearted to addictions, and less sympathetic. It is a fact that addicts have hurt themselves, notwithstanding the WHY, which is an entirely different matter.

Clytaemnestra · 13/02/2012 14:03

Where do you draw the line though, between personal responsibility and illness? I can sympathise with the awfulness of people caught up in addiction, but I believe that they, for the most part, made the choices which got them there.

Doesn't mean I don't think they should be helped once they're threre, but I also think that they need to take responsibilty for the choices they made to get them there in the first place.

FunnysInTheGarden · 13/02/2012 14:03

For some reason people like to point the finger in times like these. I think it makes them feel better about themselves. I don't understand it one bit. Empathy anyone? She has died, does it matter who's 'fault' it was

mrspepperpotty · 13/02/2012 14:04

Worra, I was just about to say that I think people are least sympathetic when it comes to food addiction! ('You just need a bit of willpower' etc)

ChickensGoMeh · 13/02/2012 14:05

It can be hard to find sympathy with addicts if you have personal experience of dealing with one.

mojitomania · 13/02/2012 14:06

It's a shame BUT it is self inflicted.

debka · 13/02/2012 14:09

chickens I would say the opposite. The fact that some of my family suffer from addiction makes me more sympathetic towards it. OP YANBU.

heavydutyjudy · 13/02/2012 14:09

I think it's partly because many people believe that there is, at some point down the line, a choice made. And maybe we need to believe that there is some personal responsibility for addictions, if not, we can never cure them.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 13/02/2012 14:09

I think addiction deserves more sympathy than it gets, but it seems to be widely misunderstood.

There is an element of personal responsibilty and control involved with addiction though, that just isn't there with the majority of cancers. Leaving smoking induced lung cancer out of it, there is generally very little that can be done to prevent cancer, and when cancer sufferers get their diagnosis they generally do whatever they can to get rid of it.

The same cannot be said of addictions. I actually think its very insensitive and innacurate to compare the two things.

ChickensGoMeh · 13/02/2012 14:11

Depends on how the addict has treated you, debka, and your relationship I guess. Sometimes you find the only way to live with someone else's addiction is to get a little hard on the outside.

Clytaemnestra · 13/02/2012 14:17

Thinking about it, for me in the Whitney Houston example, when I heard that she had died I thought "Oh dear, what a shame" and then went about my day. I'm NOT hugely sympathetic to her, I am sympathetic to her family as it's not their fault in the slightest, they had no choice in her addiction.

I feel that she made her own choices, and its a shame she went the way she did, but they WERE her choices and she had to live with them. Or not as the case may be. If I knew her I would probably be angry and bitter and upset and all the myriad of other things you feel when someone you know self destructs, but I can't care too much about some one I don't know and would never have known because I'm totally detached from the situation.

mojitomania · 13/02/2012 14:17

My mum was an alcoholic for a quite a few years and I found it to be rather selfish behaviour to be honest. I feel the same about depression. Harsh but it's the way I feel about it. You have to be rather self absorbed.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 14:20

Worra, I was just about to say that I think people are least sympathetic when it comes to food addiction! ('You just need a bit of willpower' etc)

Hmmm maybe/maybe not

I was just thinking of all the anti smokers out there who think nothing of slagging off nicotine addicts.

But when someone's addicted to food, they'll often say "Yes but they might have childhood issues" or "emotional problems"

debka · 13/02/2012 14:21

I agree you have to be hard on the outside, chickens, to protect yourself. However I am sympathetic inasmuch as I have seen first hand how desperate it is to be trapped within an addiction and unable to help yourself.

Kitchentiles · 13/02/2012 14:24

I don't like to generalise or bash Americans but I think they have an issue in their society with prescription drugs. Whitney's cause of death is not yet know but I'd bet my right arm it'll be the wrong combinations and quantities of prescription drugs. Just like Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger (admittedly not American but lived and worked there) and so many others.

It seems to be acceptable in American life to pop anxiety pills, sleeping pills, painkillers and the rest of it like the English drink a cup of tea. And I wonder if for former addicts they become a legitimate replacement for the illegal ones.

yellowraincoat · 13/02/2012 14:34

Think it's a bit off that people are already saying WH died from drugs when you don't even know. Same with Amy Winehouse - in the end, she hadn't taken any drugs anyway.

I do think that people could be more sympathetic towards addicts. It's a horrible disease and it has horrible consequences for lots of people. I can understand people being hard towards addicts in a way, but not like "it's their own fault, no sympathy".

We all have our own shit, least we can do is be kind to each other.

VivaLaSativa · 13/02/2012 14:34

I agree op, Addicts are treated as less than human by many so called people.

It's very sad how people bully vulnerable members of society and its seemingly acceptable to the majority of society(through turning a blind eye).

I only know a few people that will mention this to idiots on fb and the like.

OTheHugeManatee · 13/02/2012 14:35

My dad was an alcoholic all through my childhood. He stopped drinking some time after we'd all left home. So clearly there was an element of choice: having young children around wasn't enough to make him stop. While I know he must have been very unhappy to drink so much I still judge him for the effects his addiction had on all of us.

Obviously no-one sets out to wreck their bodies and their families through addiction. But viewing addicts as somehow passive victims of some impersonal 'illness' denies individuals any agency in their own lives, as though humans are just automata that respond passively to whatever stimuli or influences come their way. This is bollocks, IMO.

yellowraincoat · 13/02/2012 14:37

Also, was thinking about homeless people and addiction the other day. I'm not sure if you can blame someone for getting pissed/taking drugs when you think what the weather was like last week. I wouldn't want to be out in it sober.

I have mental health problems and would like nothing more to block them out sometimes. I am VERY glad I have never fallen in with people who take heroin or whatever, because I honestly don't know if I'd have been able to resist it sometimes. Can totally understand why people want to black things out.

VivaLaSativa · 13/02/2012 14:39

My dad was an alchoholic all throughout my childhood and still is now, Yeah it's a selfish illness to start with, you choose to consume and then you become addicted. The illness starts with addiction.
Not all addicts are selfish.

If you think it's all that simple then you obviously don't understand how complex human beings, their psychology and addiction is.
Addicts don't want to be addicted.

ChickensGoMeh · 13/02/2012 14:40

Indeed, OTheHugeManatee

HipHopOpotomus · 13/02/2012 14:40

YANBU

However in the throes of addiction, people really can be arseholes & display despicable behaviour towards family & friends. It can be REALLY hard to continue to love an addict, and addiction, at its root, is essentially very selfish behaviour.

Mainly I guess, addicts are vulnerable - hence an easy target for people to vent against.

dreamingbohemian · 13/02/2012 14:43

I feel sorry for addicts who have no good options for getting better -- no money, no help, long waiting lists for rehab, etc.

I feel less sorry for addicts who have the money and resources and support to get better but turn their back on it.

My view is probably coloured by the fact I have loads of addicts among my family and friends, I had my own issues with alcohol at one point, and it is so hard to break without help. So if someone can't get help, I find it very hard to judge them for it.