Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most people are unsympathetic about addiction?

155 replies

Ilovedaintynuts · 13/02/2012 13:57

Within minutes of her death being made public my facebook was full of tributes to Whitney Houston but also people saying they have no sympathy as she only has herself to blame..blah blah.

I find addiction and what it does to individuals, families and society tragic.

My occupation is Oncology and I still find extreme addiction as tragic as dying from cancer.

Whethers it's drugs, alcohol, smoking, spending, gambling it's an illness, isn't it?

Why do people think that these addicts should just stop and that it's their fault they are making themselves ill?

OP posts:
ConstanceChatterley · 13/02/2012 17:50

Viva

Constance Tbh you sound like a horrible person, Starting a sentence with "I'm sorry to say" followed by a load of narrow minded bs because you are "Alright Jack" and haven't ever felt so desperate and low as other people.

That's a bit of an assumption to make - feeling desperate and low isn't a competition. I've felt desperate and low especially when I nearly lost my life at the hands of an addict (that's a whole other thread tbh) but I picked myself up off the floor and sorted myself (and him) out.

I'm all for free speech but If people don't have any empathy or experience with this and they make comments like yours it just makes you look like an arsehole not very nice individual

I think I made it quite clear in my post that I do have experience of addiction, whilst not my own, it is experience nonetheless so I'm entirely qualified to make comment. I don't need to be called names simply because I have an opinion that is wildly different to yours.

I disagree massively with the pseudoscience I've seen you spouting on various threads about drug use/addiction but I'm not going to insult you because I have a different opinion. I though AIBU was a place for healthy, adult debate?

SinisterBuggyMonth · 13/02/2012 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 13/02/2012 18:44

Agree with sinisterbuggymonth, not that I care one way or the other about Whitney Houston, she wasn't my friend, I never met her.

MeltedChocolate · 13/02/2012 19:17

Er, no sorry. Cancer very often can't be helped.

Addiction on the other hand is a choice at some point.

No one starts drinking without knowing it can be addictive. I quickly realised I could easily become addicted and so wont drink a drop.

XH chose to take drugs again and relapse. He did not have to. He risked ruining our families lives.

My sympathy is incredibly limited.

YABU

MyNameIsNotSusan · 13/02/2012 19:28

Addiction isnt a disease but it is strongly linked to - and in some cases, a form of - mental illness.

tinkertitonk · 13/02/2012 19:56

My sympathy for addicts is limited; others deserve it more. When a student I spent time volunteering for a charity that housed down-and-out alcoholics. At the start I took it for granted that I was doing something worthwhile; at the end I was disgusted by their selfishness.

TwoIfBySea · 13/02/2012 20:01

The lack of sympathy comes from people who have struggled through life and not made the choices to go down the road of drugs or alcohol.

It also comes from people who haven't been there, haven't been to the end of the road and faced that choice and who don't understand.

I'm of the former group, I can see where it would have been easy to give up and let some form of addiction rule life but it all boils down to personal choices, even when you think you have none.

OTheHugeManatee · 13/02/2012 20:09

There's been a lot of 'compassionate' posturing on this thread by people who presumably see addiction a a legitimate target, like obesity, for displaying what nice human beings they are in not condemning 'these people'.

I'm struck by the way a more nuanced view has generally come from people with experience of addiction in loved ones, and by the (as far as I've read) general silence on the question of whether sympathy is appropriate or otherwise from any actual recovering addicts.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 13/02/2012 20:11

Addiction is not classed as an illness.

duffedup · 13/02/2012 20:23

as other people have stated with addiction you can stop, saying its like cancer is a bit much because people dont choose to have cancer.

ConstanceChatterley · 13/02/2012 21:47

Manatee I think that's very interesting point - would be good to see out of the two camps - sympathetic and unsympathetic - the percentage of each who had experienced addiction within close family/relationship. I'd imagine it to be a lot higher in the unsympathetic group. Would be interesting to hear the perspective from actual addicts also.

Molehillmountain · 13/02/2012 21:52

Yanbu. People have fewer actual choices than we think and having mental clarity to make the right choice is not something we are all fortunate enough to possess. Cancer and addiction are both tragic. They don't need to be pitted against each other in some bizarre contest.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 13/02/2012 21:58

There's been a lot of 'compassionate' posturing on this thread by people who presumably see addiction a a legitimate target, like obesity, for displaying what nice human beings they are in not condemning 'these people'.

What a nasty thing to say. I have experience of addiction, both within my personal life and professionally, and I do think many addicts (although perhaps not all) do deserve compassion. What is the alternative? Tell them to fuck off and get on with hurting themselves and others? Pah. Its so easy living in a black ad white world, isn't it?

ChickensGoMeh · 13/02/2012 21:58

Manatee, it's like, we're brain twins

FreudianSlipper · 13/02/2012 21:59

yes far too many seem to think addicts have a choice in becoming an addict

they may have chosen to drink (most of us have), chosen to try drugs (no one had not had a single drug in their life, prescription drugs and over the counter drugs can be addictive too) but no one makes the choice to become an addict

luckily many of us are able to have a drink, may even take more than prescription or over the counter drugs and not become an addict i am thankful that i appear to be one of these lucky people

MyNameIsNotSusan · 13/02/2012 22:01

I have smoked crack. I am not and have never been an addict. I smoked crack a couple of times as a teenager, because I was coerced by an older, abusive boyfriend.

If I had become an addict, would I have 'deserved it? Thank God not all of humanity thinks like that.

TheParanoidAndroid · 13/02/2012 22:03

People do choose to drink large amounts, to drink every day, or to take certain drugs. It feels like too much of a cop out to say oh no-one chooses to be an addict, its not their fault. Its not just luck that means I'm not a drunk or a drug addict, and its not random.

FreudianSlipper · 13/02/2012 22:14

of course they do not choose to become an addict

how many have started off having the odd drink after work.uni just to relax and it has turned into i shall stand around drinking with anyone as i need to drink

who really wants their life controlled by drink or drugs no one does how pitiful and tragic have the pictures been of amy winehouse and whitney houston, both women had so much going for them, had love and support around them but nothing could save them from their addiction really does anyone choose to end up that

FreudianSlipper · 13/02/2012 22:15
  • that way
TheParanoidAndroid · 13/02/2012 22:20

They might not choose to end up in such a bad way, but that doesn't mean they didn't conciously make some very bad choices along the way that landed them there.
I'm one of the experienced unsympathetic types. I've seen concious decision making to be selfish, to purposefully put your own needs and wants above everyone elses. Of course no-one wants to end up in a pitiful state, but absolving all responsibility just doesn't work for me.

MeltedChocolate · 13/02/2012 22:22

"yes far too many seem to think addicts have a choice in becoming an addict"

They do!

I was drinking a lot. I knew I was starting to rely on it. I stopped at that point. I know I can't drink now. I would not dare risk it.

People who are sympathetic forget that there is a middle point when you know you are drinking a lot and it is becoming important to you. That point when you think 'what? i have no money for a drink?! ' There is a little voice that tells you it has become too much. You chose whether or not to be in denial about that.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 13/02/2012 22:28

I dont think people should necessarily be sympathetic to drug addicts, but we can have some humility and grace and humanity, rather than taking the 'dirty, selfish crack head' approach, surely?

FreudianSlipper · 13/02/2012 22:32

starting to rely on something is not having an addiction

who has not thought they are drinking too much and or taking too many drugs i think the majority of peopel have felt this way at some point, thing is when you have an addiction once you get to that point it is not easy to stop, you may stop going out so much, seeing different friends but the wanting or maybe by that time needing a drink/drug does not go away

yellowraincoat · 13/02/2012 22:41

There's an awful lot of people putting labels on here. If you have sympathy for drug addicts it's not the same as saying "oh God the poor darlings, let's set up charity funds to buy drugs for them. Let's shove the coke up their noses ourselves!"

Honestly. It doesn't. It also doesn't mean you're a naive little twit. To suggest otherwise is just to stifle debate.

I try to have sympathy for everyone I meet. How the hell do I know what they've been through or what their reasons are for starting something?

People make bad choices. We ALL do that. It is horribly smug and patronising to look down on people and say "well, I've no sympathy, it was their choice".

Bunnyjo · 13/02/2012 22:43

Whatever your take on her death, maybe people ought to step back and remember that she was a mother, child, sister, aunt and friend to many people. I've seen comments calling her anything from a crack whore to a dirty tramp and that is just horrid.

As MyNameIsNotSusan says, we do not have to be sympathetic, per se, but we can show humility, grace and humanity, surely?

Swipe left for the next trending thread