To be upset with dd1 teacher.

[lisad123]

I know this is likely to kick off because it's about religion, but hopefully it won't.

We a family we don't celebrate Xmas or birthdays ect. Both dds have been brought up this way and it's never been an issue to anyone (beside PIL but that's another thread)!

Dd1 is 9 and at Xmas her teacher kept making comments about Xmas being the most wonderful time ever, if you don't celebrate your missing out on something special and wonderful and no child should miss xmas. I let it wash as we were taking girls away over Xmas so dd1 wasn't fussed.

Yesterday, someone in her class was giving out birthday sweets. Dd1 refused as she knows we don't join in celebrating bdays. It's never been an issue, we have plently of sweets. Her teacher made a comment and told her it was ok, she should have one and I would never know! dd1 still refused and told me what teacher had said.
When she came out today she told me her teacher had put sweets in her tray, and told her they weren't bday sweets so she could eat them.
Now Friday is the only day we have sweets because she is a sugar addict and gets ratty and obsessive if we allow too many sweets.

So I spoke to the teacher and he said he felt sorry for her and didn't think it was fair. I explained that I understand that but this is our choice and he told me in future he would try not to say anything but he did feel sorry for her
She wants for nothing and I'm very proud of her for standing up so well to her beliefs.

I'm wondering if she was a religion that didn't eat meat if he would have such a problem.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him?

Yanbu, the teacher should never tell a child to lie or keep secrets.

However I believe that a child should choose there own religion

Yes YABU for inculcating your child into such a horrendous belief system.

Tempest - Rhonda. Right first time :)

Yabu imo. This is exactly why I am an athiest. What is the point in religion? It certainly does not make you a better person. Segregates and controls people and in this case has turned a simple sweetie sharing day into some henious crime where the teacher is under threat of complaint. wtf.

I am not religious in any shape or form but I do not object to my child taking part in school celebrations like valentines, christmas so why should anyone else.

Just MY opinion.

Lucie it does warrant a complaint, to me it is not about the sweets..... But about the teacher telling the child to lie to the parents.

I wouldn't feel too bad, those who've said they got told they'll die in Armageddon. They (Watchtower) officially predicted it would happen in 1914, 1925, and 1975. Spoiler: it didn't.

Aribura true story before I go to bed:
I was born in 76 because the world didn't end in 75.

They were told not to,have children in such a terrible time.

Then when it didn't happen, the men were told they should not withhold from their wives the opportunity to have a child.

It worked out well for me personally...

I suppose so, bit bizarre that anyone stayed, though. How do you come back from something like that?

"Hey guys, the world is ending this very year, don't have any more children!"
midnight on January 1st 1976
"Err...we got it wrong sorry, have children now."

It's like Harold Camping who kept on with the predictions when the end of times didn't happen - it's okay, he just miscalculated before. But it's totally legit this time! The mind boggles.

It's their understanding of the bible being clarified by the holy spirit as the time goes on.

Like I said, worked well personally, can't complain!

I'm a tad confused, you started off sounding almost hostile to JW now you sound rather sympathetic.

I am sympathetic. I don't think ops posts expressed their views. I do. It free with their views. I can tell you what they are, I do not need to add. Y own view, I trust adults to take the accurate information and make their own minds up.

And I am allowed a little gallows humour at one in the morning. I genuinely wouldn't be here except for what happened.

Sorry I don't think ops posts expressed the organisational views.

lisad123 Can I ask if you were born into the religion or took it up later? Just wondered.

Still think the teacher was unreasonable but I am fascinated by all the different religions.

I am not religious, I can't get that there are all these different 'gods' and that each religions interpretation is the only one and everyone else is wrong.

YANBU that the teacher went against your wishes but I can see why he did it. The child must feel excluded enough and he was trying to make her feel a little more included.

As for the religion side, i believe children should choose their own path. You cant undo your childhood so once you are an adult there can only be resentment if you disagree with the stance taken. Imagine reaching 18 and finally being able to leave a religion you didnt chose for yourself, theres no way to get back the missed christamas days, birthdays, parties of your own or friends.

School is hard enough sometimes without being excluded from all the fun things because your parents disagree.

as lisad123's sister and aunt to her children, i can assure you they want for nothing. her dd1 is very sure of her own beliefs, questions things and you can have a deep conversation with her.

and regards to the blood issues (i am not a jw btw as left when i was a teenager and didnt go back), neither lisad123, her dh, or my parents have disowned my dh or condemn his choices with regards to a heart transplant and many blood transfusions.

Christmas related activities start at the end of November and peak about 1-2 weeks before the end of term in my school. It must be difficult for a Reception teacher to explain kindly that, again, the child has to go a classroom that is doing non-Christmas stuff and not go with the rest of the class for e.g. rehearsals (of which there will be a lot!) and it won't be the same place every time. Very bewildering and not something the family ever really see because they would never be doing stuff where they would have to exclude their own child.
A Reception JW I knew would excitedly join in with the prospect of an ad-hoc activity then the teacher would realise that it had the potential for not being suitable (e.g. singing and the possibility that someone would choose a song with God in it) and the child then had to go and sit in the secretary's office with a book - small school, no spare staff. I have to say that there was no guidance from the parents, only complaints if an unsuitable activity had been overlooked e.g. maths sheet adding up the cost of Easter eggs.

her dd1 is very sure of her own beliefs, questions things and you can have a deep conversation with her

But that's the same with most kids who have been told what to believe, until they get a bit older and develop a mind of their own...just as you did when you left the faith.

It doesn't mean anything at this age.

misdee

Is your husband a JW?

If not, why would he be condemned by your family for not following their beliefs?

I think she shouldn't have told you she felt sorry for your daughter. If I were you, I would want to know though how it affects daughter's dynamic with other students.

Ive been interested in this discussion and have this 'problem' with this particular faith/ set of beliefs. Apols for coming to this late, but would be very interested in responses pls - esp of Rhonda and OP.

I have understood or possibly misunderstood the following:

JW does allow children to accept birthday sweets - but OP chooses not to let her DD have them due to celebration purpose of said sweets. DD allowed to have sweets outside of celebrations.

JW does not allow for birthday celebrations, because of 'focus' and praise of one person(s) and that should only be to Jehovah? So OP does not celebrate any birthdays, but has separate day in the year for giving gifts to her children.

JW allows for children to be educated but not instructed about other religions. OPs children dont attend school for one week before Xmas due to xmas prep etc within school. This, not because religion recommends it, but something she chooses to do.

See my issue, amongst other things, is that my experience of JW is not the religion itself, but the way that its followers usse religion from which to anchor and hang their personal preferences. Such subjective application and departure is hugely problematic for me. Also, it niggles me that they (not op particularly) appear to think with one brain and often refer to their alleged own thoughts and opinions in the third person. I find that quite unnerving really. A further conttradiction is how part of their religious 'responsibility' is to witness, yet they function as a very separate and select group. Im genuinely interested in this - esp as I have family who are JW, though I do find their thought and rationale ' unusual'.

YABVU. I'm not familiar with the tenets of your cult but does it really suggest that eating a "birthday sweet" will condemn you to hell? Your child simply should have taken the sweet to avoid creating a scene and thrown it away if eating it would run against the cult rules.