to make sure I don't say/do these things to friend with newborn (lighthearted but true!)

[Newmummytobe79]

I have a young baby - so far from an expert - but just can't believe some of the things that were said/done to me with my newborn.

I'm going to see my friends baby and will make sure I don't come out with any stupid comments although I probably will!

So let me know your corkers!

Here are a few of mine (think week old baby):

(sitting down on sofa) Mines tea with two - not too strong mind

(Flicking through diary) - so when are we going on the piss?

(young family member) - so do you think you'll EVER wear make-up again?

So when are you going back to work?

So when do you think you'll have another?

Oh I can sympathise with the lack of sleep - our neighbours car alarm went off again at 5am!

Enjoy this time - they just get more demanding (do NOT need to hear this now thanks)

Now remember what we said about resting and saying no to visitors - same time again tomorrow?

(when baby turns head to visitors chest) ooh I'm sorry, no milk in there! (wrong, wrong wrong!)

(After spending two hours feeding and settling baby) So, shall we take baby out now so you can get on with some ironing? (aaaaaaaaahhhh! and bring baby back screaming and ready for next feed? Can't wait!)

(Every 5 minutes) Yes, it's wind. Must be wind. Have you got wind baby? Aw nasty wind!

I never slept when baby slept - it just makes you feel like a lazy slob doesn't it?

It's amazing how you just forget the birth isnt it? No. I'm scarred for life. Literally.

I think I can laugh now... just.

Echoing somebody else, I think the question "Is she good?" is incredibly irritating when applied to a newborn. The idea that somehow a baby is making a moral choice when it cries a lot or doesn't cry is incredibly stupid. And what are you supposed to say? "No, she's a very bad baby, she's always making a fuss about something"?

A friend of mine visited when DD was a few weeks old and I remember pointlessly taking DD upstairs and putting her in her cot while the friend and I had lunch. DD immediately started bawling her head off and my friend said "What a temper!" as if it was all to do with her demanding personality rather than an expression of distress.

I also agree with the OP that questions about when you're going back to work or that imply you want to be left alone so you can get on with the ironing are profoundly annoying. I really resented the idea that I was going to fill up my spare time with ironing f*ing baby clothes.

God, I'm so glad I don't have to go through all that again!

yes, people arriving with food is great.

and not wine.
well, sometimes wine is gooooood , but in the daytime, when new mum is starving and thirsty because BFing takes a lot out of you, or just recovering from the birth, then food and drink that can instantly be consumed is brilliant.

and I don't like that "is she good?" question. How on earth do you answer?! If you say "no, she constantly screams and won't sleep" you get told you're negative and to expect that babies do that, and if you say "yes, she is" , you get loads of tales about how their babies were really hard work etc etc.

actually, in my own experience, the worst thing so far, has been when letting other people hold her.
I have no problem letting them hold her and have a cuddle, it's that I daren't ask for her back.
How long is it acceptable to let them hold her?
Am i allowed to ask for her back?
especially if she starts mithering while the other person holds her - if i ask for her back, does it look like i'm accusing the person of making her cry? does it looks like i'm a helicopter/possessive mum who doesn't trust anyone else to hold her baby?
I've let a person hold her at church and had to walk away for a few minutes so that I don't start begging to have her back.
:(