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Original poster

to make sure I don't say/do these things to friend with newborn (lighthearted but true!)

103 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 10/02/2012 09:46

I have a young baby - so far from an expert - but just can't believe some of the things that were said/done to me with my newborn.

I'm going to see my friends baby and will make sure I don't come out with any stupid comments although I probably will!

So let me know your corkers! Grin

Here are a few of mine (think week old baby):

(sitting down on sofa) Mines tea with two - not too strong mind

(Flicking through diary) - so when are we going on the piss?

(young family member) - so do you think you'll EVER wear make-up again?

So when are you going back to work?

So when do you think you'll have another?

Oh I can sympathise with the lack of sleep - our neighbours car alarm went off again at 5am!

Enjoy this time - they just get more demanding (do NOT need to hear this now thanks)

Now remember what we said about resting and saying no to visitors - same time again tomorrow?

(when baby turns head to visitors chest) ooh I'm sorry, no milk in there! (wrong, wrong wrong!)

(After spending two hours feeding and settling baby) So, shall we take baby out now so you can get on with some ironing? (aaaaaaaaahhhh! and bring baby back screaming and ready for next feed? Can't wait!) Confused

(Every 5 minutes) Yes, it's wind. Must be wind. Have you got wind baby? Aw nasty wind!

I never slept when baby slept - it just makes you feel like a lazy slob doesn't it?

It's amazing how you just forget the birth isnt it? No. I'm scarred for life. Literally.

I think I can laugh now... just. Grin

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/02/2012 10:55

Oh you're breastfeeding, when are you going to stop?
Oh you're bottlefeeding,did you not consider giving breastfeeding a go?

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 10/02/2012 11:00

MiL arriving the day I got home from hospital with DD (after being kept in for 6 days) have you not hoovered recently? (whated to shove hoover attachment in choice place)

Had a colleague turn up unannounced when I happened to have a group of local mums over so all had boobs out and discussing various birth stories, colleague went pale and left, didn't even finish her cup of tea.

On the flip side one of my friends who had 2 DC's already came over armed with a pack of choccie biscuits (her first ever visit to my house) on opening the door told me to sit down and she'd figure out where I hid stuff in the kitchen and proceeded to make tea for both of us, I think I may have fallen in love with her that moment :)

cochonette · 10/02/2012 11:09

I Soooo sympathise with all of these corkers OP - I have to say that with my baby I did not make ANY cups
of tea etc for visitors - I didn't even bother trying to be polite, just felt like had been run over by a train after the birth and wasn't getting up
for anyone...
(DH and my Mum were extremely helpful tho so I was v lucky with that.)
And always got under my skin when people said 'ooh, nothing for you in there' whilst pointing at their own chest....

Kveta · 10/02/2012 11:11

when DS was 6 weeks old he started rooting at my 96 year old nan's chest, and she just said 'ooh, that dried up a long time ago!' which I found faintly repulsive but hilarious at the same time!

My dad was the worst visitor - walked in 5 days after DS was born, said 'why are you still in your pyjamas?' to me (had soiled all the other trousers that fit me...), then 'you need to lose weight Kveta' then proceeded to sit down, tell DH and I how tired he was, demand tea and biscuits, remind us he was tired from travelling (they are a 1 hour flight from us), demand lunch, talk at us some more, demand tea again, then leave. He barely acknowledged the presence of this new person (DS) in the room! And as I work in a similar field to my father, started telling me about conferences and papers and stuff that I did not have head space for at that moment! It was a long long day...

My mum visited later (she was ill when dad visited), and walked in demanding cuddles, tea, and biscuits. then lunch, then she washed up after lunch whilst I fed DS, and announced she was taking DS out for a walk. "brilliant!" said I, thinking I could go and have a shower in peace. But no, she meant we were going on a walk, as 'you need to lose weight Kveta'. Another long day...

eurochick · 10/02/2012 11:12

I can see how most of these are annoying, but wtf are you supposed to say when a baby starts rooting at your milkless boobs? It's quite difficult to just ignore as everyone usually stares at the baby so it doesn't pass unnoticed!

NorksAkimbo · 10/02/2012 11:26

I absolutely hated the expectation that I would make tea for guests...and I wonder if that's an 'English' thing. In the US (where I'm originally from), if another teacher I worked with had a baby, the rest of us would cook loads of meals and deliver said meals to the family. We would never in a million years show up empty handed, and definitely would not expect to be given anything when we visited! This has happened in every State I ever lived in, so it seemed reasonable and fairly common.
When my DC1 was born, my mom and grandmother came all the way to China, where we were living at the time, for two weeks and took over everything; all the cooking, washing...every non-baby essential really. When they left, and my English MIL showed up, she sat in our lounge and read for an entire month, and then actually complained to my DH that she hadn't done anything on her holiday or seen any of China...meanwhile, I ran myself ragged taking care of her and a new born all day!
When DC2 was born, she could possibly have died of thirst...I never made one cup of tea!

crystalglasses · 10/02/2012 11:34

I think you're all being unfair to your visitors. They've come to see you and you baby, probably bearing gifts, and I doubt if any of them mean to cause offence. If you're that sure you don't want to see them, why don't you say so.

Honeydragon · 10/02/2012 11:39

The milk ones definitely personal to you Grin

FoxyRoxy · 10/02/2012 11:42

My boss brought his week old baby in to the office and gave him to me to hold because I was the only one around who'd had kids. I had to point out that I thought baby was hungry after he'd left a huge wet patch on my shirt where my left boob was. It was slightly embarrassing.

My ex-mil (aka Satan) turned up the day after ds was born which happened to be mothers day, moaned that no one had got her a "to grandma on mothers day" card, told me he looked nothing like me and then took him off me because she wanted to give him a bottle, as if I was ff just for her benefit.

tryingtoleave · 10/02/2012 11:42

People are just trying to make conversation! Maybe you're not giving them anything to work with.

I've been visiting lots of newborns lately and it is very hard to know what to say. What would you suggest?

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 10/02/2012 11:47

Oh crystalglasses it's just a lighthearted thread for giggles and to have a good old moan on a Friday!

Of course all our visitors come to see our babies out of the kindness of their hearts, and like you say, bring gorgeous gifts.

I'm sure they moan about how inept we are as mothers as soon as they get in the car and leave, and we know that, but it is surprising how tactless some people can be.

OP posts:
scrivette · 10/02/2012 11:49

Oh they will be asking when the baby is going to sleep through the night too, umm, baby is 6 days old!

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 10/02/2012 11:50

Hmmm - top tips for a new mum tryingtoleave?

I'd say offer to make a cup of tea, bring biscuits, say how gorgeous baby is and how well the mum looks.

That would have had me loving you forever! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 10/02/2012 11:53

Or ... and this would have won best visitor prize

Offered to take a big bag of ironing.

I would have asked you to move in on the spot! Grin

Even better ... bring a bottle of wine to wet the babies head! That IS love Wine

OP posts:
Diamondback · 10/02/2012 11:55

mummmymccar - don't be polite, just say no or you will regret it and resent it forever! They'll get over it. If they don't, then they're rude and inconsiderate so who cares.

And OP, as for warnings that 'they get more demanding', that's bollocks. What they do get is more fun, more interesting and more exciting. I personally found the newborn stage exhausting and tedious, but it got easier after the first six weeks, easier still after the first three months and actually started to get enjoyable after six months. It only gets better!

My favourite thing not to say though was when I was on the delivery table, freshly stitched and waiting for someone to give me a bed bath: my Dad slapped me on the belly and asked 'When's the next one then?'

LunaticFringe · 10/02/2012 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekyseamonkey · 10/02/2012 12:09

Oh god, I'd forgotten...I'm 33 weeks with dc2. I actually know what you mean about the milk thing, mil kept saying it & turning dd's head away, over & over then asked if she was always this fussy. Hungry you mean!!!

Ooh little monkey, feeds all the time. We did 15 mins either side every 4 hours. ad nauseum Yeah? Well I'll try that shall I? Should help her regain all the weight she's lost, the midwife can come daily forever! Yay!

This time, can I bring anything? Will be met with requests for cake/lunch/crisps etc

Offers of tea will turn to 'kettle's in the kitchen'

Is he/she good? No, I'm pretty sure he/she's in cahoots with the Syrian regime.

mummymccar · 10/02/2012 12:09

Scrooge - wish I could but it is the only hospital in our city so pretty obvious where I'll be. Contemplating not announcing the birth for a while though and playing the old "did we forget to tell you?" card though Grin

I'm a complete wuss when it comes to standing my ground - luckily my DP and dad aren't so if I get weak then they'll step in for me. Already told them no very politely but we shall see if they listen!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 10/02/2012 12:13

"It will take a while to lose the weight, slow and steady does it" - 2 months after birth when I weighed less than I did pre-preg (not a boast, appetite dropped severley)

"Sleep when the baby sleeps" - actually hate this expression, and will never ever utter it to a single person except in threads like this I used this time to MN, catch up on TV and eat...in short, to keep my sanity.

"Is she sleeping again?" - baby was three weeks old and having an hour awake between sleeps, which was pretty good.

People DM assuming that because the newborn did something once, that was it cracked eg, "DM, LO went 4 hours between feeds last night, nice little bit of extra sleep for me" DM: "there you go, see, knew she'd get there" thus implying that she will from now on always go four hours at night between feeds....it is possible that these things are flukes!

"Is she good?" Erm, don;t really know how to qualify that answer...she's not sleeping though the night yet, but she's not out nicking cars...somewhere in the middle, i'd say?

And generally anyone doing passive advice by speaking to the baby rather than me...."is mummy putting lots of cream on your dry skin?" "is mummy leaving you there all alone in your basket?" (baby self-settles and will go the frick to sleep if you stop talking to her)

RoxanneY · 10/02/2012 12:15

I got the wonderful comment ''Oh....I didn't realise your tummy would be so big after you had given birth'' from my SIL's prat of a boyfriend TWO DAYS after giving birth to a 9lb 1oz baby!!

Then a week later I was told by my SIL that ''your tummy has gone down a bit''.

Seriously, although I don't love my tummy being saggy at the moment, quite honestly it's on the bottom of my list of priorities at the moment - I have a baby to look after!!

Also when they all turned up to visit two days later, they all sat down and there was nowhere for me to bloody sit?*%!! Bearing in mind I had second degree tear and was having to sit on a minimum of two cushions to be comfortable I brought in a hard chair from the kitchen for myself to sit on....grrrr!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 10/02/2012 12:17

Tryingtoleave

Ring or text before you pop in with an "i'm at the shop, is there anything you need or have run out of?" even if you are nowhere near a shop
Compliment mum and baby
Talk about something anything non-baby related. God, I would have loved some non-baby conversation in the early days

CrabbyBigbottom · 10/02/2012 12:17

Honestly some of the threads on MN make me afraid to ever open my mouth to another woman ever again! The things people get offended by! Shock

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 10/02/2012 12:27

Not offended....just sort of sick of hearing / bogged down by.

BrianButterfield · 10/02/2012 12:30

I always found the 'no milk here!' comments funny - well, that combined with the look of bitter disappointment on DS's face...

And if I went into a room full of visitors with nowhere to sit, I'd take that a cue to go and have a lovely nap upstairs in blissful solitude. Fuck sitting on the floor or a hard chair in your own house.

chocolateandcoffee · 10/02/2012 12:35

my mil won worst visitor in our house hands down

after us not talking for a year she came to the hospital to see Ds, our first. she took one look at me and said "oh have'nt you got fat" ds was 4 hours old.

Ds was a colicy little nightmare little bundle of joy, so at 3 weeks old insisted he sould be spoon fed wtfShock she even arrived with food one day.

also would insist i should let my 2 week old cry it out, again colic, and not to feed him at night as i would teach him bad habits.