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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why you don't see as many handsome men with plain women...

127 replies

salamanda · 07/02/2012 15:06

as you do plain men with pretty women?

And when you do, do you wonder what he is doing with her and secretly think there is something odd about it?

OP posts:
FiggyFloraFinching · 07/02/2012 19:39

When I was younger I saw the most good looking man walking along the road tightly holding the hand of a larger slightly plain woman. Both young but older than me iyswim. He was looking at her massively intensely and they looked totally in love.

It was one of the best moments of my teenage life. He was hot and adored someone who didn't "match" him in looks. I realised that (even though I am not a total minger I hope!) there is more to love that good looks. Made me very happy indeed.

aquashiv · 07/02/2012 20:09

Has a big cock personality been mentioned?

NunOnTheRun · 07/02/2012 20:44

Some terrific, inspiring posts on here.
Love the one by ReindeerBollocks in particular Smile.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 07/02/2012 22:03

Ahem....I have seen ReindeerBollocks and she is flipping gorgeous.

Just sayin

flatbellyfella · 07/02/2012 22:16

scarletPimpernell got it spot on right from the start in my opinion.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 22:25
Grin
gilmoregirl · 07/02/2012 22:26

I think that it is a lot to do with confidence. As others have said about forceful personality. I have a few friends who are just simply super confident - they think they are great and so everyone else (especially hot men!) does too.

One friend in particular when we were students was not particularly good looking but she really thought she was, She had several hot boyfs at University and come to think of it has NEVER actually been single.

I however am terminally single - have spent far more of my adult life single than in a couple (and when I do have a boyf he is rarely even average...) and people tell me that I am attractive but I totally lack confidence : (

joanofarchitrave · 07/02/2012 22:29

I didn't really plan it out, but I am with someone much more good-looking than me. However, as I'm not very hot, I have developed excellent skills in leaning against men I fancy asking men out, so i have a good hit rate on hotter partners. This is possibly why you do tend to see more men with women better-looking than them - they asked.

perceptionreality · 07/02/2012 22:36

Sorry I don't buy this most gorgeous women are only attractive because of make up. Beauty is either there or it's not and no amount of make up can feign it imo........

I think the OP is right. Could it be because men do tend to place looks higher than women in terms of how important? Certainly that is a stereotype.

Could it also be because we live in a society where women are so put-down compared with men, they are more insecure?

PurtyDarnFine · 07/02/2012 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 22:48

Perception I can only really speak for myself, but seriously - me in greasy hair tied back, no make-up, crap tracksuit and egg-stained coat: people cross the road. Me in vintage frocks, gleaming locks, Max Factor lippie and Chanel 5: flirting and Unwelcome Approaches.

(I'm no beauty, just sort of polish-up-abble).

I would have thought same applies for most women.

perceptionreality · 07/02/2012 22:50

I see your point scarlett, but you have the potential there in the first place!

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 22:52

but I think that's sort of my point! I think average women, of which I am one, can polish up to look really rather attractive. Average men don't really have the 'tools'. So if you get a couple of an average fella plus an average lass, only one of them has the werewithal to take 'emselves up a rung, as it were, and it appears as if there is a discrepancy, but there's not really!

I have to say though i do feel quite uncomfortable with the whole thing though. I hate the idea that looks could be such a factor which is probably why I am clinging to my theory Grin

aldiwhore · 07/02/2012 22:55

I know two spectacularly gorgeous male specimens with wives who resemble polished turds... but they are lovely on the inside.

aldiwhore · 07/02/2012 22:58

I agree TheScarlettPimpernel the options to fake it, scrub up, make the eyes wider, the lips plumper, the hair swishier... well there's much more room for movement when you're a woman.

With just a wash and my hair scraped back I could easily find a part in Shameless, but with a bit of eyebrow sculpting, carefully placed make-up, a good bra and decent blow dry, I can turn heads. Most women I know can. I know of very few women who don't look attractive in the right make-up and clothes, but plenty of men who's options are limited.

aldiwhore · 07/02/2012 22:59

I've just completely contradicted myself....

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 23:05

Saw my best boy pal the other day and I'd had to leave off all eye makeup as I had a little eye infection. I had also been unwell and looked atrocious. I am normally made up/fairly groomed - esp. round the eyes, as I am fair and have no eyelashes - and I don't think the poor lad had any idea quite how appalling I could look.

He did a manful job of pretending not to notice. I do think a lot of men don't quite realise the ginormous hoax that's being perpetrated upon them Grin

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 23:05

(Obvs I do have SOME eyelashes, but they're blonde. just in the interests of full disclosure).

BadPoet · 07/02/2012 23:08

My dh is good-looking. Unless I make quite a lot of effort I'm fairly plain.

I don't have a particularly forceful personality either, but I am interesting and upbeat, & we have the same crap sense of humour.

Plus he just really fancies me.

sozzledchops · 07/02/2012 23:11

On holiday last year husband and I would play a little game to see amongst all the couples we saw walking by as we sat supped our wine, who was the most attractive in the couple. Generally about 85 % of the women were in much better nick and more Attractive I've than their partner.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 07/02/2012 23:13

Oooo I have another theory.

When people make these observations - he is attractive: she is not - they are more often than not (I think) straight women.

Straight women are attracted to men, and not to women. Therefore, when they look at a heterosexual couple, they are looking at one gender which they are inclined to find attractive (the man may be plain, but very tall and fit; or rather stout, but in that brilliantly strong-looking way, you know what I mean), and one which they are not. So even if the man is actually only more or less average, because they are using the 'gaze' of someone who is inclined to fancy men anyway, then they will pick up on lots of other characteristics that they find attractive, and conclude they are objectively appealing.

Whereas they are bringing their gaze to the woman without all of that. Where a man might look at the woman and find all sorts of coded sexual things to enjoy, a straight woman will be bringing a completely different set of criteria.

I'm stopping now because I've been drinking and I have no idea what I mean by any of that Grin

PurtyDarnFine · 07/02/2012 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DickSwivellersTidyWife · 07/02/2012 23:19

Lovely funny charming interesting men get more attractive(to you/me) the better you know them, even if at first glance they are nothing special. I once chucked a very handsome, gorgeous looking fireman, for a cute but lovely nerd

This was back in the days when I could pull dishy firemen of course long ago in the mists of time

sozzledchops · 07/02/2012 23:20

But does that mean I'm a closet lesbian them because I really like looking at attractive women and often notice women even more than men? Mmmmm, something to think about.

Tryharder · 07/02/2012 23:24

This thread is interesting...

I just wanted to add that I have a friend who is very, very plain (and she herself would own up to it quite readily). She's horsy, probably a size 14 - 16 (i.e not fat but not slim), dull hair....BUT, men have always fancied her and she always has had gorgeous, rich, alpha male partners. She is very confident though, at ease in herself and a really good laugh. AND she is really into sports and other typical male pursuits (bikes etc) and I have observed this before, men will quite often go for women with whom they have something in common, hobbies-wise.