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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why you don't see as many handsome men with plain women...

127 replies

salamanda · 07/02/2012 15:06

as you do plain men with pretty women?

And when you do, do you wonder what he is doing with her and secretly think there is something odd about it?

OP posts:
NorthernWreck · 07/02/2012 17:16

overmydeadbody-I could not disagree with you more.

I have a mixed group of friends aged 30-42. Without exception, the men were all fairly gorgeous in their teens and twenties, and are now a bit knackered looking , balding or paunchy.
All the women are in great shape, and look fab.

kickingking · 07/02/2012 17:17

RubyLovesMayMay - well, I don't think I'm hideous.

From a scan of this thread I need to make more of an effort. So people don't wonder why my tall, dark, strapping husband is married to that little mousy woman with the scraggy ponytail and no make up Sad

ifherbumwereabungalow · 07/02/2012 17:22

How wonderful is your DH Dawndonna!

I would say my DH is much better looking than me - I basically laughed him into bed and impressed him so much in there he never got out. Also, he gives me the steamy 'come to bed' eyes when I get loads of answers right on University Challenge, so I guess we must be in one of those 'different strokes for different folks' type of arrangements...

lisylisylou · 07/02/2012 17:24

I am currently trying out the saying 'a man likes a cook in the kitchen and we in the bedroom' with my dh. For the past week I have been a cook in the kitchen and he has been complaining that I am making him fat so to stop cooking the nice food. I think next week it will be a we in the bedroom when he gets back. Bets on which one will win?

ReindeerBollocks · 07/02/2012 17:29

DH is a self confessed geeky red head. I am by no means good looking either. But people did query why we'd gotten together and assumed I was after his money (ha! Debts and more debts more like). He was ill too when we started dating and a few people warned me off.

However I've always found him very sexy. Cannot pinpoint it for the life of me, but there's just such a spark when we're together. Admittedly it's less sparky now the kids are around but when it's just us two, on a romantic night out, my god I love him more than ever.

I'm a kidney lighter for meeting him (DH got that gift last year) and its not been an easy ride, but he is the first man I have imagined myself growing old with and I can't wait.

I have no idea if ugly people go for people in their attractiveness range, but Im hideous so I would say that Grin.

Dawn - your DH sounds lovely and I'm sure by that, you are too!

LikeItsGolden · 07/02/2012 17:32

I see plenty of both. I can think of two absolutely gorgeous men recently that both have fairly average looking wives (both couples have large families, though, so there is a god reason that the wives are overweight and knackered looking, i fairness!).

When I met my DH I was young (am 14 years his junior) and a model and we did look like beauty and the beast (he is a big hair bear of a man), but I think I hae caught up with him the ugly stakes in the last few years Grin

Agincourt · 07/02/2012 17:34

This thread has made a bit paranoid that i am plain and my husband is good looking Confused and i am not a particularly insecure person usually so i will blame PMT.....and we will have been married 15 years this year so i don't suppose it matters what other people see when they look at us :o

nothingoldcanstay · 07/02/2012 17:48

Mmm not quite sure why pretty girls aren't considered to be funny or clever?

I have two very good looking friends who married very plain sporty type girls. Both these women are actually quite rude and aren't interested in making friends with us. I am not pretty and in no way a threat but I really can't see why they are with my handsome funny and clever friends.

AyeRobot · 07/02/2012 17:55

I think some women have a different idea about beauty than men, too. As in they think Woman A is generally accepted as being beautiful and Woman B not, yet a straw poll amongst a group of men would say the opposite.

TattyDevine · 07/02/2012 18:02

Can it be that the man aged worse? Depends what ages you are talking. My DH has gone a bit bald since I married him which I don't mind at all but he looks less good at a snapshot because of it no doubt if you are talking simply aesthetics. Lucky he's a good little earner and some men just start eating loads of beer and curry when they get married simply because they can.

I did see a pretty plain woman (not ugly but nothing special and not glamorous) with an absoulute GOD of a man at Centreparcs. He looked of mediteranian decent, perhaps greek, italian, macedonian etc, and he made George Clooney look suburban. I couldn't take my eyes off him for a sec and I'm not one to ogle other people's husbands. I just hadn't seen someone that good looking in a long while! I nearly went up to his wife and said "you fucking lucky bitch!" but DH was floating around cramping my style Grin

NorthernWreck · 07/02/2012 18:03

lisylisylou: I am a whore in the kitchen Wink

HotBurrito1 · 07/02/2012 18:05

Surely it's hugely complicated and not about a snapshot look at someone? Not everyone will agree on who is physically attractive, just as they wouldn't agree on the most desirable personality traits. It's a good job we do all like different things in a partner.

forehead · 07/02/2012 18:06

I have always felt sorry for Victoria Beckam , having such a gorgeous husband, one has the impression that she feels insecure about the fact that her dh is seen as better looking than her. However, no one bats an eyelid when the women are better looking
Btw good looks and intelligence are not mutually exclusive

NorthernWreck · 07/02/2012 18:10

I agree nothinggold. All my best girlfriends are really good looking, clever, and very funny.
The funniest women I have known are always pretty too,(and men think this also) although none of them were considered gorgeous at school, so maybe growing up an ugly duckling helps with the personality.

ifherbumwereabungalow · 07/02/2012 18:12

I don't think anyone seriously thinks that pretty girls aren't considered to be funny or clever - I happen to know many women who have all those qualities, and many more. Perhaps there is some weight to the theory that people who have always been considered conventionally attractive tend to have a smoother path through some of the stickier patches in life (i.e. school/college/uni/work)and some of them haven't had to work so hard on developing the qualities that the less attractive do in order to bolster what they have and attract attention from their intended... Having said that though, I am also a strong believer in levels of beauty being in the eye of the beholder - and think Jane Austen cracked it when she said that ?To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain for the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive.?

yellowraincoat · 07/02/2012 18:16

I do think men tend to not look great as they age while women can and do. You'd think from looking at Hollywood that it's the other way round, all those twinkly-eyed older fellas, but most men just look bald and paunchy.

I wisely chose a man with thick, strong-looking hair.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 07/02/2012 18:18

PushyDad - women notice looks first, believe me. Grin

How do we get a chance to even be attracted to the personality if we're not drawn in by the looks?

I'm sure it reassures many men to think that personality is the big draw-card and all you need is to be a funny fucker and you'll slay the women, but you need the hook before you can show off the rest. Wink

Tryharder · 07/02/2012 18:46

I agree with the OP.

But my DH is better looking than me at the moment. We were evenly matched when we met but I have put on weight and generally look a bit knackered and dishevelled most of the time.

Presumably I will only have myself to blame if he runs off with a younger model Smile

forehead · 07/02/2012 18:55

ifherbum..... The thing is that people prefer to believe that a woman cannot be beautiful AND clever AND funny. Too much luck for one person.

FizzyLaces · 07/02/2012 19:02

My DP is much better looking than me Grin

ifherbumwereabungalow · 07/02/2012 19:03

I think you make a very valid point forehead. What I wouldn't give for luck like that though....

yellowraincoat · 07/02/2012 19:10

It's not as easy as it looks, forehead...

SensitivityChip · 07/02/2012 19:29

I think I'm much better looking than DH (aside from the swollen head, of course! Grin) but although I turn more heads in the street he is always surrounded by women because he is unconventionally good looking and also a brilliant flirt. He makes everyone he speaks to feel like the centre of his universe whereas I am quite socially awkward unless I know people well and am not renowned for my charm (unless drunk Grin )

My beautiful, beautiful ex is with a very plain woman who isn't even a very nice person by all accounts but I won't go into that. (Not bitter, not bitter!)

URallchickenlentil · 07/02/2012 19:31

Makeup does wonders. I would imagine you would see more of it if men wore makeup

ElusiveCamel · 07/02/2012 19:38

I'm not sure if there is a disparity. Maybe there is and I just haven't noticed, but I suspect in a number of cases the 'hot' one might just actually fancy the pants off the 'plain' one. It happens and perhaps it's more likely to happen to women who have nothing to prove. Men's status is often tied in (in their heads anyway) to the attractiveness of the women they're with.

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