To despair over my mothering skills (toddler related)

[speshulbroo]

I am embarrased by my ineptitude so have changed my name.
I'm a regular tho: ham, pombears, shagging on the sofa infront of DCs etc.

I have a dd 2.2 & ds 3m
dd is understandably threatened by this tiny usurper but I'm really struggling to know how to work with her as well as looking after a teeny baby.
When I try to feed baby, dd is as distracting as she could possibly be, shouting, throwing, breaking, pulling, the works.
Ds finds it hard to focus on the feed and keeps crying.
I feel I've exhausted all the distraction techniques. Cbeebies holds no allure, DVDs of her fave shows leave her cold. Colouring bores her unless it incorporates home decor, toys are only interesting if I play too and sitting together looking at books is over in a flash as she's so manic.
She is uber clingy, I can't leave the room for a second without a complete meltdown (hers and sometimes mine)
tantrums are now a daily occurence. I tried time out but she becomes hysterical .
Dh works nightshifts and I can't risk too many time outs as his sleep is compromised. At the same time my milk supply is dipping as ds never gets a full feed and he's compromising by feeding all night long.
So not only am I exhausted but I might have to give up breastfeeding against my will.
I feel like this tiny girl has me over a barrel.
I've spoken to the HV who says that a group is starting after Easter to help parents deal with this phase. I don't know if I'll have any sanity left by Easter.
I've posted here because on the whole the aibu women are a bright bunch.
TIA.

Hi vezzie thanks for the mei tai . Sorry thought it was a cocktail... I'll check it out. Glad to hear things straightened out for you, am looking forward to some mellow time!
Hey ellee I def agree that dd just needs to get on with it sometimes. She can open doors though with gusto so a shut door is not really much of a challenge to her, tred it t'other day when I wanted to pass a motion, she just barged in. Screaming. Fair put me off I tell thee.
Hi again ceebie! Thanks so much for all the thught yu've put in on this :@)
I might purloin the idea of the box of precious things to do and have it as a family tradition. Maybe we could try no more than 10 wonderful things in the box at any one time so that it doesn't become The Box of Broken Dreams.
Speaking of which, sweet dreams all, I'm knacked x

Sorry OP I don't have time to read the thread but I have been there so really wanted to post. I spent a LOT of time alone with my dds when dd2 was born. They are now 3.10 and 17 months and I'm still bf (and alive! )

I'm not sure what you've decided re feeding but if you are still going ahead with bf I would say co-sleep if you're not already to cope with nights, give up expressing if you're not getting much - I found it SUCH a waste of precious time and energy, get a really good bf pillow if you haven't got one already as it leaves you hands free to do stuff with dd1 and lastly but most importantly, get a sling that you can bf with (ring sling my personal fave) and practise! I found I could bf while walking around the park or house, and while sitting on the floor playing with dd1. Dd2 could just latch on and off and sleep for ages to her heart's content and I could get on with life with dd1. I didn't mean to become such a hippy btw, I had to to survive And you could be one too, ha ha!

In fact if you're interested I have a ring sling I no longer use that I could send you?

Mornng petisa!
Well done you to still be breastfeding. A lot of women on this thread have said that they are still going over a year later. I never dreamed we could be tha lucky! Dh keeps saying things like "well... You've gotta let nature take it's course" everytime I express regret that baba is not getting space and time to bf. I don't think that's nature taking it's course, I think it's circumstances making it difficult for us to knuckle down to feeding.
I have all manner of slings includng moby wrap & the ring sling.
You are so kind to offer yours, I'd love to be a hippy mum with you but I really strggle with baby's weight, he's humungous and I have weak bak , knees & pelvis. I never take the time to research different holds and have packed them away ready for eBay. I'm sure if I found the instructions that there might be an easier way to distribute his weight but the are always more pressing chores!
I really hope I can contnue bfing. I have tried hiding baby the last dew days so that he's not distracted and DD doesn't notice him so mch but he seems to hate havng his head shielded and when I did use slings he just bucked and arched to free his hard little head!

hi speshulbroo!

Here's someone bfing with a mei tai. you can fold it down so the baby's head is out a little bit:

might not be for you, but if it is, it is as easy as this woman makes it look.
good luck

Hi speshulbroo,

Sorry haven't posted earlier, I only come on here quite late at night, when I should be in bed!

Shame about your back. What you need is a mate to come round and show you how to wear your sling(s), it's the only way. Plus mates are great for holding your baby and entertaining your toddler. Are mum friends a bit thin on the ground for you? You don't happen to live in Northern Ireland do you, just in case? Do you know anyone who could help you out for a few quid, a friendly teenager with not much to do? Does your toddler like the bath? You could have her in it for an hour every day, ha ha!

If you really want to bf my advice would be ignore everyone else and just feed feed feed. Stressing over whether to give up or not will sap you of valuable energy. It woin't be hard for ever, things WILL get easier. However if it is just TOO difficult then don't feel guilty about reaching for the bottle. My dd1 was only bf for a week which ended in disaster.

Good luck! xo

Hi petisa I'm a bt f a night owl night feeds wake me up too much!
I have a few mum friends, we're all at different stages tho...
Great suggestion re help with sling, I remember the bfing counsellor said they could help with slings at the bfng cafe so will try and pop there.
Not in NI , am in England. Thanks so much fr taking troble to reply Xxx
Dd d

As every one else has said, it will get better. I didn't have a toddler issue, my DS was five when I had DD. He has CP however, requiring a great deal of support/care.

I introduced one FF bottle at teatime, when he came home from school. It gave me time with him, and my DD seemed more than happy. She was fed either by her Dad/Granny whatever.

I continued to BF until she was over a year, and it didn't impact on my milk supply, could still express if I needed to.

I found this short period of time just with my DS, lovely for us both, and my DD (now 14) has always had an amazing relationship with her DB.

Hi OP,
haven't read the whole thread yet but just wanted to say hello. Keep going, it is simply VERY hard work IME. You are clearly thinking hard about how to keep both DCs happy which is great.

I have 3.5 DS and 1.5 DD and could have written your post. When DD was 3m we also moved house so were extra busy! Looking back it seems quite impossible. I also felt so sad to be "surviving" rather than enjoying my babies being small. Better now they are older.

Things that helped us were:
Feeding. Both DCs were BF, very frequent and loads at night too (DD still feeding at 1.5). DS wasn't jealous as such as had stopped at 11 months, but did need attention. I explained to him that DD got her food and drinks from Mummy but he could eat tasty snacks. During feeds he had his own special armchair right next to mine, mix of food, CBeebies + books helped. Also I would feed DD extra top ups whenever DS became occupied with something, like eating his lunch.

Will try to think of more ideas!