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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be a bit peeved about DH taking a day off work for his best mate's bday?

111 replies

RubyWho · 06/02/2012 19:59

I probably am, but thought I'd Ask Mumsnet anyway.
DH is taking a day off this week for his best friend's birthday. Aw, lovely.
But...he didn't bother to do this with mine, even though I asked him (had a 5wk old DD and 19mo old DS at the time and some help would have been nice...)
He's pretty busy at work atm and is working late all this week to be able to take the time off.

I think I am probably really jealous. There is an evening do too, haven't been invited as I am "tied to the baby". (frIend's words, not mine)

OP posts:
upahill · 06/02/2012 20:25

No problem taking the day off with his mate - I'm doing it for one of my mates at the end of March when we are going on a seagway safari thinggy and I'm going away for two nights in the middle of March with another friend for her birthday.

So bad that he wouldn't take the day of for yours. What was his reason (sorry if you have already answered and this is Xpost)

Yama · 06/02/2012 20:26

Pretty shitty thing to do to the person you are meant to love. What a dick. I would lose any respect for him I had.

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:28

No, he suggested it to his friend! I even said "DH, what if Friend wants to spend the day with his gf?". DH said "they never do anything together..."

Rightio then...

And yes, he really doesn't want me there. He has some kind of a weird issue with me since i had the DCs and was positively repelled by me when I was up t'duff. Odd. We all used to have A Right Laugh.

OP posts:
DorothyGherkins · 06/02/2012 20:29

Do people let you work late in the evenings so you can have a day off? I am just querying all this time he is away in the evenings, then having a day off without you, when you are dealing with such young children. Not right, is it. Peeved doesnt cover it.

AnyFucker · 06/02/2012 20:29

You chose that nobber as a Godparent ?

why ?

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:30

Yes, he is his own boss really, so he does this a lot- works 8-9pm for a week if we're off on holiday or whatever the next week.

OP posts:
DorothyGherkins · 06/02/2012 20:31

Succinctly put AF

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:32

Anyfucker- he used to be allright and we always used to go out together, and in my first pregnancy he was fine...maybe a bit odd towards the end in hindsight, but still- a nice bloke, overall.

OP posts:
DorothyGherkins · 06/02/2012 20:34

Well, I think I d be getting out the pram, and changing bag, and picnic bag, and toys, etc etc and just turning up with your DH and joining in for the day!

AnyFucker · 06/02/2012 20:35

no, any bloke who goes "weird" around pg women is not a "nice bloke"

is he jealous of you, that you take up so much of his time with his boy friend ?

you and your bloody 'orrible spawn of the devil offspring ...

DorothyGherkins · 06/02/2012 20:35

Tell him its a little surprise from his godchild.

GrahamTribe · 06/02/2012 20:36

I was ready to say YABU but reading on I feel he's taking the pee.

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:38

I have often wondered that re: jealousy.

When I was about 16wks pg with DS, we all went out and Friend got a bit pissed. He kept saying "I've got to tell you something!" but I never found out what it was . My bets on either "i love you" or "i hate you".

He probably hates me because he thinks I am dead boring, which I suppose I am to him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/02/2012 20:40

If your husband is a weak, immature and easily-led man, I would be very wary of him spending time with this bloke

Is your husband a weak, immature and easily-led man ?

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:40

Dorothy; noooo- the day DH is buggering off is gymnastics day for DS and then playdate day for both babes' in the pm. Wouldn't want to spoil their (dc's) day ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 20:41

AF, no, not really. He's a bit of an arse for this, but otherwise, he's pretty bloody good.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/02/2012 20:52

You know him best

Irishchic · 06/02/2012 20:57

The friend is probably gay, i reckon,but in denial to himself about it.

Original poster
RubyWho · 06/02/2012 21:07

Irishchic: LOL! I have often wondered about this myself!!!

OP posts:
startail · 06/02/2012 21:10

UANBU to be pissed off.
However, don't get mad, store it up till you want to disappear for a girly hen weekend, concert with your sister or whatever.
When he scowls you can remind him gently as you hand him the baby.

tardisjumper · 06/02/2012 22:27

DP has friends who have one sided bromances with him who 'have difficulties ahving relationships with women'. Pisses me off no end. If it was a woman I would be well within my rights to get the hump.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 06/02/2012 23:25

So not only is he sodding off for a day of fun and frolics leaving you holding the babies, he is also leaving you holding the babies alone every evening so that he can work late to accommodate taking time off for said day of fun? AND he refused to take your birthday off work as he didn't want to pull his weight with HIS children? What an arse

PushyDad · 06/02/2012 23:26

"he didn't bother to do this with mine, even though I asked him (had a 5wk old DD and 19mo old DS at the time and some help would have been nice...)"

Sorry for interupting the sisterhood bitch-athon but YABU. You wanted the guy to take time off, not to do something romantic, but to to help you with the household stuff. I think your partner picked up on this. Hence his refusal.

I get similar grief from MrsPD. I am a freelancer so no paid leave for me. I don't want to lose all that money just coz MrsPD is a bit bored at home and want some adult company. When I do take time of to catch up on paperwork or just to recharge my batteries then its 'you'll take time off to sit around the house but not to spend time with your wife!'

My spare time is precious, both personally and financially. Sorry but spending it doing household chores is not a fair swap. Similarly, your partner is ok with working overtime so that he can go out and have some fun with his mates. YABU to expect him to work overtime so that he can take time off to help you with the childcare.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 06/02/2012 23:31

But Pushydad when does the OP get to spend time having fun with her mates? Why is it ok for the OP to be expected to look after the children until late each evening, as he wants a day off to have fun?

AnyFucker · 06/02/2012 23:34

< looks at DH with renewed fondness >