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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want 2 cars?

116 replies

AlexTasha · 06/02/2012 16:42

Ok, prepared to get a roasting, but I am actually more after other people's experiences.

My DP and I work in central london and drive to the train station together in the mornings for the communte and then go home together at night, we mainly do things together on the weekends, and if not we will share the car and it's not an issue at all.

I am now 24 weeks pregnant and once we have the baby DP thinks I will be able to drop him at the station every morning and pick him up after work. When I say that this might not work with the baby's routine he just says, 'well it will have to.' I have no experience with this so he might be completely in the right and it will be fine, but I was wondering if this is going to be hard, we could afford to have to cars if we needed to, but I don't want to push it, if it isnt going to be a problem....AIBU?

OP posts:

choceyes · 07/02/2012 12:49

I'm another one who is aghast at a grown man refusing to walk 20mins to the station

OP, you said you walk 35min each way at the other end, so fair dos to you, but you DH sounds like he is being a little bit unreasonable.

I walk to work 30min and back again, and did that while I was pregnant, and do it now while slinging a small toddler and pushing a buggy with a preschooler in it, for 30mins each way.

Your DH will have to make his own way to the train station when you have a newborn. Their sleep is irratic in the early weeks and you might be up a lot at night and the last thing you want is to be woken up at 7am, just as you are drifting off to sleep snuggled up with your baby is someone waking you up to take them to the station when they've got a good pair of legs and is only a mile away. I would have been tempted to throw something at my DH if he suggested that (as it is he cycled 10miles each way to work, in all weathers, also having been up at night with our DCs).

A pick up at 7pm would be very difficult with a new baby (or even an older baby). You might be pinned to the sofa feeding for ages. A lot of babies cluster feed in the evenings (if you plan to bf) and that means stuck on the sofa feeding in the evening for hours. Even if your baby is not like that, babies tend to be fractious around this time and ready for sleep. So you'd be doing the bath, sleep stuff.

Indith · 07/02/2012 12:54

By the way we have one car and live in a small village with a rural bus service. One mile walk away is the bigger village with schools, shops etc and a more regular bus to the town.

Dh used to work in another city. He drove to the town and found somewhere to park for free. He walked 20 mins to the station. Got train to city then walked to work. I, with 2 dcs, walked to the shops/toddler groups and back in all weather. If I wanted to go into the town I either planned my day around the rural bus or did the walk again to the more regular bus. That is just what you do when you can't afford another car. Now dh works either away or from home so I have the car. I admit it is nice, I can't go to town without thinking about bus times but I rarely use it to go to the next village, we walk, I was brought up to not use the car for such short distances! (well ok I'm 38 weeks pg now and have just started walking a bit less as I was doing at least 4 miles a day for school/nursery runs at various times and it was getting a bit much).

mrspepperpotty · 07/02/2012 12:59

Hi OP, just to answer to your question:

"Out of interest, is 7pm around the time that most people put their newborn babies to bed?"

Newborn babies tend to go to bed later than that as they often want to have a long feed around then (and as they sleep a lot at this age, one time kinda merges into another!), but when they get to say 3 months old and are starting to get into a bit of a routine, a lot of people aim for a 7pm bedtime. It doesn't have to be like that - I know some people who aim for a later time (say 8pm) so that DH is around to help - but 7pm is probably the norm.

Original poster

AlexTasha · 07/02/2012 13:00

spirael Thanks for the different opinion! If you can do it and it wasn't a problem then I might be able to as well. I will just see how I go. The walk from the station is super dodgy at night, I have felt so scared that I have taken off my engagement ring for the fear of being mugged! But in summer it should be OK for him at least.... :)

OP posts:

redskyatnight · 07/02/2012 13:05

One of my colleagues drives into work. She lives 20 minutes walk away.
her husband also work on the same site. He drives in separately. They "can't" drive in together because they both like their freedom and not having to wait around/be reliant on the other. They can't walk because they like to sleep in as late as possible and might need to rush somewhere after work. They do make their DS walk to school as walking is good for him .

Conversely DH and I both walk 30 minutes to walk and the DC walk/cycle to school. We don't like using the car for short journeys and feel the fresh air and exercise is of benefit to all of us. We also felt like hypocrites forcing the DC to do something we didn't fully embrace ourselves.

OP, I don't know if you should get a 2nd car or not. But I think this is a good opportunity to evaluate your priorities/finances/future lifestyle.

Original poster

AlexTasha · 07/02/2012 13:05

Indith that made me laugh out loud, I think he would go running to station if he saw me in that state! Hahaha. I will definately use that scenario to encourage the walking!

Thanks for the advice re bedtime and all your other opinions too. I never thought it would be such a contentious issue. But I really appreciate everyone's thoughts.

OP posts:

Indith · 07/02/2012 13:13

You think I'm joking? That is reality . For a few weeks anyway. Substitute breasts with baby screaming as you wait for kettle to cool and steriliser to finish because you forgot run it the night before if bottle feeding.

You'll work it out, it is a big change and nobody knows how things will work until they get there.

McHappyPants2012 · 07/02/2012 13:17

20 minutes no problem when it is warm and dry...but 20 minutes in the cold weather no way would i do it.

it takes me 5 minutes to walk to the bus stop and about 10 minutes to walk to work.......but i catch the bus as it is cold and dark

ReneeVivien · 07/02/2012 22:06

Yep, the problem will not be finding 10 minutes twice a day to give him a lift. The problem is guaranteeing that you will be able to spare the precise 10 minutes that he needs to catch the train. You may be bf. You may be sleeping (or the baby may be, finally, and you would rather pull out your own teeth than interrupt that). Baby may fill its nappy just as you need to leave.

Some new mothers are super-organised and would find this no problem. I would have found it impossible.

Scholes34 · 08/02/2012 09:28

Rain, wind and snow on a 20 minute walk to the station shouldn't be a problem, if you're prepared. I cycle to work every day - just 15 minutes, otherwise a 40 minute walk. I have waterproof trousers and a coat for when it rains and a spare pair of office shoes in the office for any day I need to wear more sturdy walking shoes (such as the start of this week). Your DH just needs to be prepared for the elements with something other than a car.

Whatmeworry · 08/02/2012 09:34

In theory your DP is right. In practice it will be a complete nightmare and your baby's routine fitting around your DP's routine will be a nightmare.

What she said!

20 minutes no problem when it is warm and dry...but 20 minutes in the cold weather no way would i do it.

Quite a few people I know have "station scooters"

everlong · 08/02/2012 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 08/02/2012 10:33

People who are used to using their car for everything can be truly astonished at how quickly they can get places on foot/bike. It's just habit though, and habits can be changed.

I want a second car, I've figured out that 4k+ of our mileage is just 1-2 persons in the vehicle (we cycle & walk everywhere within 2 miles). Would save us money to only use the MPV when truly needed. I've worked it all out carefully, even including depreciation. Can I persuade DH? Pah, can I heck. He's horrified at the mere thought of a 2nd car, sigh.

Laquitar · 08/02/2012 11:39

'but 20 minutes in cold weather no way i could do it'.

I am at some replies. We are not talking about the countryside in Scotland, he lives and works in london! 20 minutes walk in a city. If it is cold you can put on a hat and a scarf, if it is raining you can get an umbrella.

choceyes · 08/02/2012 11:43

I pushed a buggy in the snow with a baby in a sling. Although if it is raining heavily then I do take a black cab. Only because DD won't go into the buggy after being picked up from nursery and I can't hold an umberella up and push a double buggy with a baby in front of me all at the same time.

I can't think of why anybody could not walk in any weather conditions, what's wrong with coats and hats and umbrellas?

Laquitar · 08/02/2012 11:47

Actually this reminds me my mum. She once said: 'you should keep them off shcool today, it is raining'. . In her defence she lives in Spain.
Can you imagine if we stayed home every time its raining or its a bit cold?

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