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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want 2 cars?

116 replies

AlexTasha · 06/02/2012 16:42

Ok, prepared to get a roasting, but I am actually more after other people's experiences.

My DP and I work in central london and drive to the train station together in the mornings for the communte and then go home together at night, we mainly do things together on the weekends, and if not we will share the car and it's not an issue at all.

I am now 24 weeks pregnant and once we have the baby DP thinks I will be able to drop him at the station every morning and pick him up after work. When I say that this might not work with the baby's routine he just says, 'well it will have to.' I have no experience with this so he might be completely in the right and it will be fine, but I was wondering if this is going to be hard, we could afford to have to cars if we needed to, but I don't want to push it, if it isnt going to be a problem....AIBU?

OP posts:

suburbandream · 06/02/2012 17:44

oh, and what callmemrs said - when the baby comes you will be looking back on those 6.45am starts as a luxury lie-in

Sparklingbrook · 06/02/2012 17:45

Bus to the station?

coccyx · 06/02/2012 17:45

Haha getting up at 6.45 will be a treat/lie in when your baby arrives.

KalSkirata · 06/02/2012 17:46

he wont walk 20 minutes? Thats 1 mile. I bloody mile! Think of how much money you'd save walking that 1 mile.
DH cycles 5 miles to work in all weathers as there's no choice.

addictediam · 06/02/2012 17:51

Is it possible dh could take the car to the station, you could walk to pick it up later with baby in the pushchair, and he could walk home after work? A compromise on all sides saves money on parking, dh only walks 1 way and you get the car during the day?

verytellytubby · 06/02/2012 17:54

He should walk.

thenightsky · 06/02/2012 17:55

He will end up missing the morning train quite often. I lost count of the times DD would have an explosive poo down both legs just as I clipped her into her baby car seat

Ladygahgah · 06/02/2012 17:59

That is a bit mad. We have two cars. But dp works 20 miles away, trains or buses are not an option due to shifts. I just got a car as I need it for after school activities, weekends and holidays as we kinda live in a place where everything good for kids is a drive away. BUT if dp could use public transport there is no way we would have two cars....please get a bike

NormaStanleyFletcher · 06/02/2012 18:06

I work in London and am on the train by 6.45. Not back until after 7 quite often. I wish I could walk to my station. 20 mins ish drive/parking time.

Why the fuck would he not walk 1 mile?

Blu · 06/02/2012 18:11

Add up the cost of buying, running, insuring, maintaining, taxing, MOT-ing and parking a second car. Balance that against your loss of earnings. And increased costs in suporting a baby. And what else you could spend the money on.

Then decide where the stretch comes - will it be on our wallet, your committment to do the station-run with the baby in the car-seat, or your DH getting on his bike! (or a mixture of the second 2)

ReneeVivien · 06/02/2012 18:16

Another one who is staggered that you both drive to save a 20 minute walk. And that you consider a 6.45 start early.

But ok, let's be constructive: have you done the maths? Is the cost of buying, insuring, taxing, fuelling and parking a second car actually cheaper than him having an account with a local minicab firm?

ComposHat · 06/02/2012 18:20

I think it is not another car you need but a spine.

He is an idle bastard that needs to be told.

Vicky2011 · 06/02/2012 18:20

Ok so he can cycle. 20 min walk is about a 4 minute bike ride. You're not painting a great picture of your DH. The most shocking thing you've written is that you get him up. At 7.30. Diddums.

Sparklingbrook · 06/02/2012 18:22

Why all the personal attacks?

ComposHat · 06/02/2012 18:27

Sparklingbrook because I didn't put my post up as an 'attack' but the op needs to understand how much of a selfish lazy tosser her husband is being and that IMO she needs to stop being a doormat.

MrsDobalina · 06/02/2012 18:40

I personally would be horrified at having to get a newborn in the car twice a day for a set time mon-fri. Yes of course it's necessary for the school run etc but you've had a bit of practice by then! I found it easy to get out the house for 8am with 2 babies but almost impossible with my first. I'm not implying you will be pathetic as me OP but I'm just answering your original concern. It WILL be stressful and do you want to add stress to what is already going to be a pretty hectic stage in your life? And as other posters have said, what if your baby is a colicky nightmare that cries all night? I would NOT have felt safe at driving anywhere on most days, I was so sleep deprived.

(I am also shocked your DP won't walk for 20mins but that's not your question!)

If you have the money and no ethical concerns re 2 cars (not a dig, I just couldn't do it myself given what you've said but then I have the luxury of ace public transport, online shopping and a DP that bikes to work come sun or snow!) then go for it because it sounds like it will save a lot of stress and arguments.

ReneeVivien · 06/02/2012 18:46

I should add: yes, I think you will find it a complete pain to tie your baby's routine in to your dh's transport needs. Especially in the early weeks and months.

How about a compromise? You drive him when you are able/willing to do so, otherwise he gets a minicab. You can agree a capped budget for minicabs and both use it wisely. Maybe in summer he wouldn't mind cycling or walking now and then.

ReneeVivien · 06/02/2012 18:48

Popping back third time to say: you HAVE had a bit of a roasting on this thread. My family doesn't have a car at all, so it's perhaps easy for me to be a bit lemon-sucking about the whole thing. If we did, I can understand how quickly it slips from being a luxury to a necessity. I'm sure there are thousands of families out there in a similar situation, who have no hesitation in getting a second car. Doesn't make it sensible, though

OffMeTrolley · 06/02/2012 18:59

what we used to do is he take the car to the station, then i walk down later with the baby in the pram and pick it up

worked for us

suburbandream · 06/02/2012 19:01

offmetrolley - I did think that would be a good solution too, although still seems a waste of parking fees when he could walk.

Sidalee7 · 06/02/2012 19:03

My train station is 30mins walk, I can cycle it in 10mins. Def recommend him getting a bike.

You really dont want to be tied to doing it every day I occasionally did it with my now XDH and I hated it, such a faff getting the dc's in and out of the car - especially for such a short journey.

Also, 7pm is when your baby will (hopefully) be tucked up asleep in their cot, he will be "welcomed" home by a fractious overtired baby - maybe that will put him off!

OTheHugeManatee · 06/02/2012 19:05

Get him a Brompton folding bike. Cost £700, they are fantastic bikes, he can take it on the train and save the tube fare at the other end, he gets some exercise and you get the car. Job done

TheCokeMachine · 06/02/2012 19:06

YANBU - we live in zone three (so not exactly central), a 15 minute walk from the tube station but have two cars so we can both drive as and when we choose to. We have a proper family car and a smaller runaround that DH uses.

Why not if you can afford it?

I don't see it as an enviromental issue as I usually walk with the baby in the pushchair or take the tube if at all possible - but the car is always there for me if I want or need it.

We both do less than 3000 miles in each of our cars every year - but it's a 'nice to have'.

Popsandpip · 06/02/2012 19:56

I think the OP has been given a bit of a rough ride here. She didn't ask for judgements regarding her lifestyle or attacks on her DP. She asked for some simple advice about baby routines and logistics.

AlexTasha, I don't have a baby yet so can't advise you but think what'll probably end up happening is that either driving with a newborn and your DP to the station will work - or it won't. I'd imagine it'll become clear quite quickly what is reasonable for you to each do as individuals and together as a couple. You'll then know what you have to do. It'll be a bit of a faff because you won't be able to prepare for it in advance but sometimes this is the best way to demonstrate the impacts/impossibilities of someone's actions, making it super-obvious what they have to do. You won't look like the bad guy then and they get to come round to your way of thinking with their male pride intact! I adopt this approach with my DH all the time!

Rhubarbgarden · 06/02/2012 21:00

If you have a c-section you won't be able to drive for six weeks. Even if you have a vb, you might not want to/be able to sit down for a couple of weeks - I certainly didn't! How is he proposing to get to the station during this time? As others have said, getting yourself out of the house in the early days feels like a military operation, and can take ages and involve repeated aborted starts as you deal with poos etc. Trying to meet a deadline like a train every single morning is stress you really, really don't need with a new baby, especially if it's your first. A feed can take up to an hour, and it's difficult to predict when they are going to want one. You can't pull a baby off your boob because you've got a train to meet. Even if you intend to get your baby into a strict routine so you can plan your days, it still takes a couple of months to get it established. 7pm is baby bedtime, so the evening pick up would be especially problematical.

If your dh really won't walk, and I agree with everyone else that he should, then get that second car.

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