To want 2 cars?

[AlexTasha]

Ok, prepared to get a roasting, but I am actually more after other people's experiences.

My DP and I work in central london and drive to the train station together in the mornings for the communte and then go home together at night, we mainly do things together on the weekends, and if not we will share the car and it's not an issue at all.

I am now 24 weeks pregnant and once we have the baby DP thinks I will be able to drop him at the station every morning and pick him up after work. When I say that this might not work with the baby's routine he just says, 'well it will have to.' I have no experience with this so he might be completely in the right and it will be fine, but I was wondering if this is going to be hard, we could afford to have to cars if we needed to, but I don't want to push it, if it isnt going to be a problem....AIBU?

Thanks for all your advice. I think I will do what a lot of you have suggested and just shutup about it until the baby is born and he spends 2 weeks on paternity and can see for himself that it won't be feasible to meet his train deadlines every day. Then we can go from there! I don't really want a second car, especially as you have all pointed out how easy it would be for him to walk or cycle. Once it warms up, hopefully he will warm to the idea a bit more... and if he doesn't I will probably be so sleep deprived that I will end up making him walk and stop caring about what he wants to do! :)

Good luck with it all Alex. You won't know anything for sure until the baby arrives.

The thing that bothers me, OP is how you say you don't want to "push it" when he's already said no. Not the two car issue but because you seem to feel he has the full and final say in it!

You should definitely be walking now, pregnancy is no excuse and you'd most likely find that you end up less tired not more. I had a 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back walk in my last pregnancy and it was great for keeping my energy levels up. Now my office has moved and I've ended up having to drive in I really really miss it.

Your DP is coming across as a bit of a lazy arse tbh.

Old man living in a box in the middle of the road emoticon

DH gets up at 5.30 Gets me and Kids up at 6 then leaves for work - a 6 mile walk - he does a full days manual labour and then walks home again.

Thats it, just thought I would say.

I already walk 35 mins up to my work and 35 mins back once I get off the train in central London and I do enjoy that. I do that rather than get the tube. I don't mean to portray my DP as lazy, I sound like a bitch. He isn't lazy, he is just really bad at getting up in the mornings, but that should change with a screaming baby as an alarm. Out of interest, is 7pm around the time that most people put their newborn babies to bed? Cos that is a massive spanner in the plan if he wants me to come and get him anyway!

20 minute walk? My 4 year old and I walk that to nursery every day come rain or shine. Very lazy to drive the distance in my opinion

OP I think you've now got it sussed. There's no point trying to decide now what you'll be doing in 16 weeks' time when the baby arrives. Your lives will be turned upside down and can't understand what will be needed and how you will cope. The bottom line, though, is that you will cope, but your way of life will be complete different to how it is now. I remember before the DCs arrived, I'd get up at 6.40 am and it would take me until 8.10 am to get myself out of the house. I'm now up at the same time and manage, amongst other things, to make four packed lunches and get three children out of the house by 8.00 am.

YABU to want a second car before you've even tried to see if you can cope with the one. After two weeks of paternity leave, your DH (fingers crossed) will see that he's being unreasonable. And as for the weekly nights out until midnight with his friends when you've a newborn . . .

Tell him to walk. 20 minutes is nothing. My DH walks 20 mins and gets a 30 min tube to work (and the same back) every day as he doesn;t drive. He has never once asked for a lift, even in the most horrendous weather, and when I offer a lift he refuses.

I don;t think you should ask him to walk due to the baby - 20 mins in the morning and 20 mins in the afternoon wont interupt too much in a routine. He should walk for the exercise, the lack of costs and the fact it's only 20 mins away

And as for the weekly nights out until midnight with his friends when you've a newborn . . .

Oohh yes. Dont forget to ask him which day will be your day for leaving the house without children and not arriving back until midnight...everyweek.

You don't sound like a bitch Alex, not at all.

All he has to do is to download some nice music on his phone and have a nice morning walk to the tube like millions of us do. With the money he saves on parking he can even treat himself a sturbucks latte on his way on mondays! He doesn't need any 'solutions' because there is no problem.

As for baby's bedtime you can play by ear when the time comes. Personally i had later bedtime because my dh wanted to enjoy the baby in the evening and to do bathing. There is not a rule really.

I think what some posters meant re your dh is that he will need to be more flexible and adaptable when the baby arrives and not 'i don't walk-end off'.

OP, I think you're right in saying that in his 2 weeks paternity leave, your DP might get a more realistic idea of what life with a newborn is like! Me and my DH had loads of totally unrealistic ideas about what would be practical and achievable with a baby and had to rethink a lot of stuff after she came...

His idea about getting up earlier to allow you time for a shower and breakfast is brilliant though - if I don't wake up early enough to get showered and eat something before the baby wakes up, I'm often not showered and dressed before 11am! It makes such a difference to the day, being able to have a hot shower and get dressed like a normal human being.

He does sound like he's being weirdly rigid (doesn't want a 2nd car; won't walk/bike; won't take the car on days that you don't want it). Is he normally like this? Some men just get one weird fixed thing that they worry about during pregnancy, whereas really they're just terrified of the giant life change that's coming.

My DH's weird thing was that he became convinced I would wear tracksuits for the rest of my life and would go nuts if I was wearing sports clothes, even if it was because I'd just got in the door from yoga class. I still rib him about that now, as normally he's the most easygoing brilliant bloke ever, but pregnancy can bring out the weird fixations. Maybe this is his and he'll get over himself when the baby comes.

Also, make sure as early as you feel comfortable that you leave your DP in sole charge of the baby for a day - it really makes them realise how little you can get done with a tiny baby to take care of!

OP I think it is a good habit to get into, baby down for 7pm, but if your DH doesn;t get in til then, it may be worth putting baby down at 8pm, so your DH can do that feed (if FF) and put them down to sleep, and see them a little each day.

Sorry if this has already been said because frankly I couldn't be arsed to read pages 2 & 3. Already the maths doesn't add up. You said its a 10 minute drive or a 20 minute walk and your man can't get up in time. So we are actually only talking of an extra 10 minutes in bed mmm...

So how long do you factor in time to scrap snow and ice off the car? Bet it takes longer than 10 minutes. That will be even more fun (heavy sarcasm) when the baby arrives.

And the joy of car seats hoho. Sometimes small children decide they don't want to strapped into to car seats/buggies and do this stiff as a board thing.

Tell him to walk.

of course the other option would be to let him take the car then you take baby for a walk to collect it later on if you need it on days when you can't be arsed taking him. Is there not a bus? can he get a taxi home if he won't walk or cycle. 7pm every night will be a pain, mornings probably ok.

Have you read any research on how terrible it is for the human body to be sitting down for most of the day? It's extraordinary how much you seem to think this is a necessity. Personally, I'd be gagging for a twenty minute walk every day after sitting in my office for 7-8 hours!

Neither me or my DH drive, let alone have a car. I used to walk for an hour every day from across zone two and into zone one. Now we live in sarf London, I get a train into a station and walk the 25 minute walk to the office.

It's incredible how the human race has turned a luxury into a necessity. I would be really scared of passing that level of inactivity onto my children. Tell him to set a good example, do it yourself as well - and get walking more!

Thanks for the nice posts, thats has made me feel a bit better. He has a bit of a problem accepting change and I think thats what is freaking him out a little bit with the car (and obviously the baby). I'm sure he will see sense when the time comes :)

bettybat I have already said in my other posts that I walk for 1hour and 10 mins a day.... from the train station to my office and then back at night....

I'm gagging for the walk too Betty, otherwise i get headaches or become moody.
As for the example to the children, imagine if they buy 2nd car and 2 years later say 'Mil gave 1/6 of biscuit to our toddler'

I do apologise Alex - I guess I was still in shock at your DP's refusal to walk for 20 minutes Liberate yourselves and go the other way, get rid of the car you have right now! Imagine how all those in the country survive without cars! Oh the horreur!

Haha Laquitar, for sure - my baby will be a paleo baby and not really even have any concept of what a biscuit is. It will be expected to forage for nuts and berries from 12 months old, bring home the kill at five years. Grandparents - nutty paleo people like us - will be lounging in the cave or hanging out at the water spot

Mornings fine. Evenings, frankly, a complete and utter PITA because the baby will more than likely go to bed at approx that time and need bathing before that.

I would say either

a) you walk home from station but I'll drive you there or
b) we buy another car

My babies were never tucked up in bed asleep by 7pm (sigh) Doesn't mean I would have been happy to go out and collect DH every night at that time though, what a palaver, when he has a pair of perfectly healthy legs. I agree with most others, your DH needs to walk, or get a bus/taxi if the weather is really bad. You need to keep the car though, it is not always possible to do everything locally and within walkking distance, and babies need extra baggage to cart around. (Gets a bit easier when they are out of nappies) Once they start going to toddler groups/ music/swimming, then pre-school/nursery the car really will be a godsend. I would not give mine up now for anything!!!

Won't be long before you can both have bikes and put the DC in a child seat. A lovely way to get out and about at weekends.

A different opinion here... We only have one car and I dropped DH at work and picked him up each day while I was on maternity leave, so I could keep the car during the day if I wanted it for trips or needed it for emergencies.

Admittedly for the first few weeks he drove himself, because I had my family staying temporarily nearby to visit and run errands. We probably started the routine of drop offs and pick ups when DD was about 4-6 weeks old.

I found having a little routine like that was really helpful! Other people might think differently, but I found it really helpful to make sure I got dressed and out of the house each day. Otherwise I'd have just loafed about all day, given half a chance. [lazy]

It wasn't difficult... Mornings I had DH to help get us all ready and in the afternoons if something happened (like exploding nappies...) and I was running late, then he just had to stand and wait!

Also, it's a bit harsh some of the comments about the walk. We don't know the manner of the walk - up or down hills, through dodgy areas or side streets. It'd be dark pre and post commute for half the year too. Men walking alone can be attacked just the same as women, you know!

Time is also precious. Ten/fifteen minutes per journey saved by driving instead of walking might be worth the cost to some families. I'd rather see my DH for an extra half hour a day personally, and he'd rather be dry and warm in the car than exposed to the elements.

[prepares to be slated]

Once the baby arrives make sure that when it is time to leave you position yourself on the sofa with vomit on one shoulder and both breasts out, one dripping milk everywhere and the other in the baby's mouth. He will soon realise it is easier to walk. Especially if you then "try" to get ready to take him. Unlatch baby. Baby cries. A lot. Baby shits. Change baby. Baby shits again. This time all up his back so needs a bath and a change of clothes. Now point out that he could have walked there and back several times in the time it has taken you to get ready.

This will not require any acting skills at all. In fact it is highly likely to occur on a daily basis with no effort on your part.