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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

"14 year olds should remove all pubic hair" **MNHQ adding quote marks as per request**

289 replies

TowelRailing · 22/05/2023 22:32

My daughter reckons this is what all teenagers do. If you agree, please vote YANBU. If you disagree, please vote YABU.

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 23/05/2023 11:16

What my teenage children do in the privacy of their bedroom/the bathroom is their business, not mine.

pizzaHeart · 23/05/2023 11:16

@takeachillpill2 have I missed something about pink? What’s wrong with it? My sister wears lots of pink, it suits her she is in her 60s. I don’t, I’m more warm palette e.g coral.

stickygotstuck · 23/05/2023 11:21

Of course it's her choice.

But of course it's not a free choice.

Porn, fashion, societal pressure, fear of being shamed... all of that comes into it. Especially when you are a child.

Discomfort, injury, time wastage - who would choose any of that if we were actually 'free'?

And a big YY to the OP who mentioned that culture/religion is no excuse either. The motivation is always shady - and instigated by males.

SmileyClare · 23/05/2023 11:24

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 10:57

Of course I do! Any normal parent does. You think if your FOURTEEN year old is having sex you shouldn't know about it?

OF COURSE you should be telling your young teens what they should not be doing with their genitals, what the fuck are you doing not? I tell mine they don't need to shave them, they shouldn't be having sex with them as they are too young, they defintely shouldn't be pushing a baby out of them. You wouldn't think you should be privy to any of that?

Christ, what kind of parent tells their children that they can do whatever they like and their parents have no interest or care about it? Why bother having children if you care so little for them?

Have you any experience of parenting teen girls?

You cannot tell a teen what to do with their pubic hair. Nor can you police that. All you can do is encourage some debate about feminism, body autonomy and the societal pressures put on young women and offer your own opinion.

Banning a teen from shaving in the bathroom is unrealistic. Campaign for change if you feel so strongly don’t try to use your daughters to make a comment on societal expectations.

This issue has nothing to do with providing a child with sex education. Children’s access to online porn is a separate issue imo.

VWHoliday · 23/05/2023 11:27

pizzaHeart · 23/05/2023 11:16

@takeachillpill2 have I missed something about pink? What’s wrong with it? My sister wears lots of pink, it suits her she is in her 60s. I don’t, I’m more warm palette e.g coral.

I'm sat here in my pink shirt st work, I don't think I'm giving off a pornstar vibe.

SweetPetrichor · 23/05/2023 11:27

Everyone should be free to do what they like. I was a pre-internet teen, pre-online porn, and not interested in fashion…I shaved mine, cause it was comfortable. I still hate the wild and free feel. I think males groom just as much.

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:30

SmileyClare · 23/05/2023 11:24

Have you any experience of parenting teen girls?

You cannot tell a teen what to do with their pubic hair. Nor can you police that. All you can do is encourage some debate about feminism, body autonomy and the societal pressures put on young women and offer your own opinion.

Banning a teen from shaving in the bathroom is unrealistic. Campaign for change if you feel so strongly don’t try to use your daughters to make a comment on societal expectations.

This issue has nothing to do with providing a child with sex education. Children’s access to online porn is a separate issue imo.

I've already said I have teen girls, so what do you think?

The comment was that you can't and shouldn't be telling children what they can do with their genitals. That does of course also cover sex education (if you think sex and genitals are unrelated, there are books with diagrams you can get. Or ask a teenager).

Try to understand the topic before wading in.

And nobody talked about banning anything. I don't ban. I talk and I teach, and I've raised daughters who are (luckily) strong enough to resist SOME of the pressure society puts on them to conform to ridiculous beauty standards.

Don't argue when you haven't understood.,

Zoflorabore · 23/05/2023 11:33

My dd is 12 and in year 7 so a bit younger than the op’s dd but one of her close friends who is also 12 has told her that she shaves “everything” off and has done for over a year.

my dd hasn’t shaved anywhere at all yet and she is certainly not a sheep so I don’t worry that she will feel pressure to do so.

it’s sad that hair is seen as abnormal/dirty/unhygienic etc. it’s completely natural. TikTok has a lot to answer for imo.

CreamTeaThievery · 23/05/2023 11:36

I'm 37 and that was certainly the style amongst my peer group.

drspouse · 23/05/2023 11:37

It’s not a normal impulse amongst adolescents. I am 50 and it never crossed my mind as a teenager. It just wasn’t a thing.

Exactly. There is no way this would even have been considered by me or my teenage friends.
I know many of them shaved and some like me said "I'm blonde so I don't need to". I had quite a few Asian friends whose families suggested sugaring/threading especially for their upper lips - I don't think they would have thought of it on their own.
I also remember one girl being laughed out of the playground because she tried to shave her arms with her dad's razor without any soap. It was just seen as a totally weird idea that anyone would shave anywhere other than legs or underarms, and that you'd do it if nobody was going to see the hair (arm hair and blonde leg hair are not that visible).
And the only reason we WERE discussing underarm/legs is because either our friends or our mums had discussed them first. Not because it's intrinsically icky or it's "our choice" or some such bollocks. It's pressure by society and it's changed in a horrendous way.

SmileyClare · 23/05/2023 11:44

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:30

I've already said I have teen girls, so what do you think?

The comment was that you can't and shouldn't be telling children what they can do with their genitals. That does of course also cover sex education (if you think sex and genitals are unrelated, there are books with diagrams you can get. Or ask a teenager).

Try to understand the topic before wading in.

And nobody talked about banning anything. I don't ban. I talk and I teach, and I've raised daughters who are (luckily) strong enough to resist SOME of the pressure society puts on them to conform to ridiculous beauty standards.

Don't argue when you haven't understood.,

Fair enough. I’ve also raised teens and adopt the talk and teach approach.

I was responding to your comment “of course I tell my children what to do with their genitals!” which sounded rather dictatorial in my view (in reference ti hair removal).

Your angry jibes directed at me aren’t needed. I’m happy to debate the issue without resorting to insults.

CallieQ · 23/05/2023 11:44

YABU

DutchCowgirl · 23/05/2023 11:46

My father is in his eighties and in a care home. And i was absolutely horrified to read in their reports that he’d asked the carers to shave his pubic hair.
I thought after this i was the only one left in the world with pubic hair😎(and armpit hair if it matters)

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:47

SmileyClare · 23/05/2023 11:44

Fair enough. I’ve also raised teens and adopt the talk and teach approach.

I was responding to your comment “of course I tell my children what to do with their genitals!” which sounded rather dictatorial in my view (in reference ti hair removal).

Your angry jibes directed at me aren’t needed. I’m happy to debate the issue without resorting to insults.

You're right, I apologise. I'm in a bad mood but thats not your fault.

DejaVoodoo · 23/05/2023 11:47

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 10:57

Of course I do! Any normal parent does. You think if your FOURTEEN year old is having sex you shouldn't know about it?

OF COURSE you should be telling your young teens what they should not be doing with their genitals, what the fuck are you doing not? I tell mine they don't need to shave them, they shouldn't be having sex with them as they are too young, they defintely shouldn't be pushing a baby out of them. You wouldn't think you should be privy to any of that?

Christ, what kind of parent tells their children that they can do whatever they like and their parents have no interest or care about it? Why bother having children if you care so little for them?

Bloody hell, there are so many straw men in that post that it should come with a fire hazard warning.

This thread isn't about sex, it's about pubic hair removal. If I think that it's not my decision or business what my young teenage daughters do with their pubic hair, it does NOT follow that I'm happy with them having underage sex, FFS. How utterly stupid.

TELLING a girl what she should or should not be doing with her genitals (to paraphrase part of your previous post) as regards personal grooming is completely unreasonable. The choice should be hers, whether you approve of it or not.

And to say that anyone who parents differently to you doesn't care about their children is frankly ridiculous.

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:49

DejaVoodoo · 23/05/2023 11:47

Bloody hell, there are so many straw men in that post that it should come with a fire hazard warning.

This thread isn't about sex, it's about pubic hair removal. If I think that it's not my decision or business what my young teenage daughters do with their pubic hair, it does NOT follow that I'm happy with them having underage sex, FFS. How utterly stupid.

TELLING a girl what she should or should not be doing with her genitals (to paraphrase part of your previous post) as regards personal grooming is completely unreasonable. The choice should be hers, whether you approve of it or not.

And to say that anyone who parents differently to you doesn't care about their children is frankly ridiculous.

Theres no straw men at all.
The poster said

Seriously? You think that parents ought to be privy to and care about what their daughters do with their own bodies; and that they ought to TELL their daughters what they should and shouldn't do with their own genitals?

This does restrict to only hair. The topic moved on. I responded to the post MADE, not the one you IMAGINED.

So yes, I stand by my post entirely in the CONTEXT in which it was made. Without a single straw man.

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:50

This DOESN't restrict to only hair, that should say!

BusyCaz · 23/05/2023 11:51

I voted yanbu as it does seem to be the trend for teens at the moment, sad imo, but there it is.

readbooksdrinktea · 23/05/2023 11:53

Summerfun2023 · 23/05/2023 09:41

Us old folk will never understand the youngsters of today. We might as well take up knitting and pottery.

I feel like this sometimes, honestly. I sometimes feel very old.

DejaVoodoo · 23/05/2023 11:54

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:49

Theres no straw men at all.
The poster said

Seriously? You think that parents ought to be privy to and care about what their daughters do with their own bodies; and that they ought to TELL their daughters what they should and shouldn't do with their own genitals?

This does restrict to only hair. The topic moved on. I responded to the post MADE, not the one you IMAGINED.

So yes, I stand by my post entirely in the CONTEXT in which it was made. Without a single straw man.

This does restrict to only hair. The topic moved on. I responded to the post MADE, not the one you IMAGINED.

Yeah, I actually made the post, so...

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 11:57

I know that. But you didn't write what you seem to think you wrote, so....

theblackradiator · 23/05/2023 11:59

No idea what my teen dd does but i certainly hope she doesn't feel pressure to be completely hairless as shaving down there is so uncomfortable. I've only ever completely removed all my pubic hair twice and both times I found it uncomfortable as underwear would rub and was sooo itchy when hair was quickly growing back i developed a shaving rash so it looked awful and drove me mad. I actually think we look better with a bit of pubic hair as long as it's kept neat and trimmed. pubic hair is there for protection and apparently can help stop bacteria entering the urinary tract to prevent water infections etc. who knew!

IAmAnIdiot123 · 23/05/2023 12:01

I did when I was going swimming from around thar age. I didn't want my pubes sticking out the side of my cossie. And I just veeted the lot because I couldn't be arsed shaving and making it into a pattern or whatever.

DejaVoodoo · 23/05/2023 12:01

I know what I wrote! 😂

And what I meant. Any misunderstanding is yours.

Wife2b · 23/05/2023 12:02

So essentially it boils down to women not being allowed to making their own decisions and if they CHOOSE to shave, they are brainwashed and victims of peer/society pressure? Ridiculous. How about not insulting the ability of women to make their own informed choices without victimising them. Just feeds back to the narrative of pathetic weak women unable to make their own minds up. Shock horror, a lot of women make their own decisions on what feels right for them, not because of pressure from the porn industry. Fucksake there are plenty of hairy beavers in the porn industry too - or do you lot choose to pretend they don’t exist?