"14 year olds should remove all pubic hair" **MNHQ adding quote marks as per request**

[TowelRailing]

My daughter reckons this is what all teenagers do. If you agree, please vote YANBU. If you disagree, please vote YABU.

That is because they are teenagers. But it certainly doesn’t make them right, or have good judgement. Which is why there are laws in place to protect teenagers from making stupid decisions like tattoos, sex, marriage, film certifications, tobacco, alcohol, contracts…

That’s true but I would imagine lots of the mums to girls do it ? I’m in my early 40s and I did it as a teen too , I lived in a very warm country where we spend summer on the beach and pool , it wasn’t actually the norm to everyone, I still do it now and honestly it’s not to please my partner ( he actually would prefer some hair ) it’s because I find it easier and cleaner . It’s a matter of preference. I’ve only realised a few years ago that lots of women shave their arms too ? I’ve never done it so that shocked me lol 😂 clearly I’m not into fashions

My dd doesn’t so I don’t think it’s something that all 14 year olds are thinking. I think she would have mentioned it if others around her were but I can’t be sure about that.

Everytime the cleaner argument comes up I post the same post.

A few years ago I had an emergency operation to remove an ulcer from my shoulder.

Chatting to the consultant he said they are seeing masses more ulcers that need to be surgically drained. When I asked why he said it was due to the trend for women to now completely remove pubic hair. It causes ingrowing hairs leading to ulcers and the hair also functions to move debris and bacteria away from the skin (apparently). If there's no hair, the skin has no barrier.

Sure enough the woman across from me was having a cyst drained in her groin.

I'm not a medical person but he was certain it was a physically damaging trend. And that's putting aside all of the questionable psychological issues.

Porn culture, right there.

Yes I agree.
I was just emphasising how ineffectual showing a teen girl a Mumsnet thread might be. The last thing they want to be is “like their mother”

I remember sniggering with my sister and feeling a bit horrified when my mum got out of a pool on holiday with wet straggly pubes hanging out of her swimming costume. That was nearly 40 years ago.

Mums are just embarrassing to most 14 year old girls.

Exactly this

Me and all of my friends were waxing at 14 thirty years ago. It's completely normal for 14 year olds to be aware of their bodies and want to remove hair, pluck eyebrows etc. It's also normal for those who don't want to.

Agree 100% with all the people saying that porn is essentially at the heart of this. Leg and under-arm shaving have been going on since forever - I don't shave my legs, but my leg hair is so blonde that it's more or less invisible. If it were dark, I probably would, because I'd feel self-conscious about getting my legs out in summer otherwise. But there's no reason at all for a 14 yr old's pubic area to be on display so it has to be more than 'self consciousness' at play. Which takes us back to porn...

I think it's really good to give teens facts. They usually have a strong sense of fairness but are very vulnerable to malign influence.

I point out to my son the disparity between him rolling out of bed, brushing his hair and teeth and ambling to school, and many of his female classmates already in full make-up, "done" hair and for the white girls often fake tan too. Less sleep, less free time and more money spent for those girls and that's at 13. The disadvantages they face in our society have barely begun.

I find this heartbreaking. I sure don't blame a teenage girl for not being brave enough to step away from all this. But there's no way I will tolerate my son perpetuating these expectations.

One thing re pubes is that many kids haven't seen their mum sporting natural growth either. Several of my friends regret lazering everything off because they realise their toddlers won't ever get to see "normal".

That's sad. My teenage daughters (and sons actually) talk about this stuff with me. It's good to be open and able to talk.

I do think it's sad. I grew up in the 70s (thank goodness) when I dont' remember there being any pressure really at all. In fact, it was almost the opposite - it was all about wearing trousers and dungarees!
I did shave my legs but that was own decision, not suggested by friends or boyfriends. Tbh, what kind of friend would do that anyway. I feel so fortunate that I am not growing up now.

Really - is it really that widespread amongst 'grown up ' women too? I wonder when this became the norm. I'm born in the 70s and it certainly isn't - I don't think! - amongst my generation.

You can believe in bodily autonomy and also recognise that decisions are not made in a vacuum and are influenced by social conditioning - overt or subliminal or peer pressure, resulting in some people making choices about their own body which uphold patriarchal beauty standards and the objectification of women and girls. They're entitled to make those choices, I'm entitled to have a view about it.

I had my first baby back in the days when "Bath; Shave; Enema" was performed on admission to the Maternity place.

Afterwards, in the "Lying-In Ward" - 7days, after a perfectly normal birth - the woman in the next bed said, "All very well, this shaving, but when it grows back it's like having a hedgehog in yer knickers"

Yabu. Women should do what they're most comfortable with.

How things have changed. I had a brilliant relationship with my mum as a teenager and would still have shrivelled up and died rather than talk to her about my pubic hair. My DC are the absolute reverse - I get far TMI from them and have frequently had to stick my fingers in my ears and tell them to go a long way away.

Of course I do! Any normal parent does. You think if your FOURTEEN year old is having sex you shouldn't know about it?

OF COURSE you should be telling your young teens what they should not be doing with their genitals, what the fuck are you doing not? I tell mine they don't need to shave them, they shouldn't be having sex with them as they are too young, they defintely shouldn't be pushing a baby out of them. You wouldn't think you should be privy to any of that?

Christ, what kind of parent tells their children that they can do whatever they like and their parents have no interest or care about it? Why bother having children if you care so little for them?

No - my teenagers seem to do whatever they want - a couple of them don't shave at all (and I must admit that occasionally I have to stop myself begging them to at least do under their arms in summer because I am so conditioned by society).

14 year olds are not women, they are children. And its not what they are comfortable with, its what they get shamed into and bullied into and brainwashed into.

Though thankfully it seems to be waning a little at this point!

Agree with you on this too, @sheldonia

Yeah - that's why teenage boys are all so desperate to shave their balls, dodgy tash and stubble.

It's not a normal adolescent thing - it's a horrendously misogynistic cultural expectation driven by porn

This. I think some of our female forebears would be sad to see how sexualised and male-focused everything (porn) has become!
Shaving/waxing pubes, sex doll inflated lips and the highly sexualised clothing (and pink, pink, pink).
Sad.

Of course it’s her hair her choice but if she asks for money or advice it automatically involves parents. I don’t think it’s bad to talk about it. I don’t see this issue different from what time your teens go to bed/ how much revision they do in a day etc. “ everyone does it” is an old teenage’s approach and of course it’s never true. It just means that a few friends have done it and being vocal about it. It’s helpful for parents to have MN to check the reality.
My DD is older, she doesn’t remove them usually but atm she is considering it as it might help with her skin problem. I was actually thinking of making a thread about it to ask for people’s experiences.

Some of people’s comments are 😳 I think all young girls and I know mines the same want to be same. Removal of pubic hair is the done thing in society especially when all other girls their ages are doing the same.
I respect @TowelRailing of having the courage to ask the question although by the looks of it not many on a Mums site support it. Begs the question how many people fear asking questions in fear of backlash by others