Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send verbal abuse to my friend because she was a cow to me on facebook?

94 replies

SoggySocks · 05/02/2012 00:48

I was having a get-together around at my house tonight and put up a facebook status saying "Can't wait for tonight, lots of chocolate, wine and giggly girls xxx"
Anyway my "friend" posted a comment on it saying "cringe". I replied "??? why cringe?" so she put "giggly girls? how old are your mates, 10?" Anyway to cut a long story short this went back and forth until I said "thanks for making me look a twat on facebook" and she said "giggly girls? you're referring to 30 year old women with children of their own as giggly girls? trust me you don't need me to make you look a twat, how patronising"

Anyway my night went ahead as planned but a few of the girls had seen all this before they arrived and I think it really damaged the night. It certainly damaged my mood and spoilt it for me. I'm supposed to be meeting up with this woman next thursday. AIBU to text her tomorrow saying she really upset me and maybe we shouldn't bother?

OP posts:
mojitomania · 05/02/2012 00:51

think you need to put a pair of mittens on tonight and re-assess when the beer goggles are off. You will probably wake up and think you both over reacted due to a few too many. Grin

OhdearNigel · 05/02/2012 00:51

sounds to me as if you're both as bad as each other

mojitomania · 05/02/2012 00:53

is she a bit peeved due to not being there?

SoggySocks · 05/02/2012 00:55

She was invited but made excuses

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/02/2012 00:57

A comment like that "damaged the night"? Really?

AIBU to text her tomorrow saying she really upset me and maybe we shouldn't bother?

If she's upset you, what's wrong with picking up the phone and actually talking to her?

Any why would you "send verbal abuse" to her? Hasn't the written word resulted in enough huffs and bad feeling already?

LadyWidmerpool · 05/02/2012 00:57

How are you going to send verbal abuse by text?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 05/02/2012 00:59

I think you should stop using texts and facebook to communicate and actually pick up the phone / talk face to face.

WillCrossThatBridge · 05/02/2012 01:10

I think you are very unreasonable to have had that back and forth on FB - seriously - on your wall or whatever for all to see?! I would have deleted the message that annoyed me and taken it to PM/email/text/'phone .

Arguments on FB walls are ridiculous.

missingmumxox · 05/02/2012 01:13

you do know you can delete messages like that don't you? rather than start a slanging match, its FB! ffs!

ifeelloved · 05/02/2012 01:15

Fucking Facebook. What's the matter with the phone???????

Yes it was a rude comment but to let it ruin your night - you massively over reacted. Get a grip and grow up.

BluddyMoFo · 05/02/2012 01:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tranquilidade · 05/02/2012 01:19

Facebook is the work of the devil as far as I'm concerned and, as others have said, arguing on there is ridiculous.

It might be worth thinking though that if your friend feels a need to belittle you in public she may not be the sort of friend you need to keep around.

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 05/02/2012 01:22

But really, how old are you? I've not had to deal with this sort of pettiness since I was at school.

ComposHat · 05/02/2012 01:34

Wait til you both go back to school on Monday, steal her dinner money and start a roumour that the boy in the fourth year with halatosis fingered her behind the bike shed.

BuckBuckMcFate · 05/02/2012 01:34

Sorry, she was right. Cringeworthy post indeed.

However, she was being a bitch by actually pressing send.

I think you really need to do a passive aggressive "I know who my real friends are" type post now.

Lueji · 05/02/2012 01:37

Both of you need to grow up.

Are you young? ;-)

ilovesooty · 05/02/2012 01:41

30 at least. Apparently. Hmm

AgentZigzag · 05/02/2012 01:47

I don't really get the put down that if you go on fb you must be 12, I bet most of the users are older than in their 20's.

And most people I know who pride themselves on 'straight talking' aren't young either.

I don't use fb myself much (Wink) but the humdinger exchanges I see on just my small friends list show it's got nowt to do with age.

People use fb to communicate.

People are shitty to each other.

People are shitty to each other on fb.

T'aint science.

AgentZigzag · 05/02/2012 01:48

(should that be 'T'ain't'?)

(fuck you pedants, I don't care!)

BluddyMoFo · 05/02/2012 01:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EDRefugee · 05/02/2012 01:53

My friends have never been shitty to me or to each other (that I've seen) on FB. But then we don't act like we're still in secondary school.

Grow up, OP. The whole exchange was pathetic.

Tortington · 05/02/2012 01:55

seriously dont know why you posted on mn for any kind of support

fwiw - fb is by its very nature non taxing in the brain department. its where people turn into 'huns' and post silly things. this is it's context.

in that context therefore i don't really think your psot would be anything i would even notice - never mind comment on

i certainly wouldnt call anyone who felt it within their power to be insulting and mean - a friend.

the mature thing to do would be to pick up the phone, Facebook trivialises good friendships and shows the worst side of people.

if you have the courage to pick up the phone, keep calm and state that you felt that she was unecessarily mean and that you don't think you want to have any kind of relationship with someone who felt it was ok to be mean and then wish her happiness and hang up.

but...in real life.

i had a long term friend of 15 years. i took in her young children when her ex beat her unconcious. we have been out dancing and clubbing and drinking, we have had laughs and good times. i travelled frequently the 300 miles to see my extended family and she was part of that, i made time to go out with her and see her becuase i loved her company. most recently i travelled the 300 miles to go to her beautiful daughters wedding. they made me part of the wedding party and i was honoured and thrilled

on facebook she would contact me when drunk. and only when drunk. no phone calls or texts becuase her phone was often cut off and she had a new moby number frequently so - just drunk fbing. so i asked her to contact me sober. i wasn't nasty about it - just said - lets talk when your sober.

she then send me a post about my children - just the most bone deep horrible things to say to anyone - let alone a friend.

and that is that. a sad sad ending to a relationship becuase facebook is in the essence of it moronic.

it doesn't have to make you a moron though if you dont let it

empirestateofmind · 05/02/2012 01:59

You should have deleted the conversation after her second reply. Never get into a public argument with anyone on FB as it makes both sides look bad. I hope it is all deleted now.

Then delete this friend, you can't trust her not to put something inappropriate on your wall where everyone can see it but you might not see it for days.

Lueji · 05/02/2012 02:01

FB is not really the issue, and I think it's actually losing its appeal among the youngest generation, as so many older people use it.
I'm 40 and I use it.
My dad uses it!

It's the OP's initial post itself.
Not that I have anything against giggly girls. Sometimes it's fun to be back when we were 12. It often feels like we never grew up when meeting long time friends. ;-)

Sad, it's when the fun stuff turns nasty, by both parties.

MarjorieAntrobus · 05/02/2012 02:02

Sorry, she was right. Cringeworthy post indeed.

However, she was being a bitch by actually pressing send.

If I saw that a FB friend had referred to a bunch of her women friends as "giggly girls" I'd think Hmm, and I'd think that we weren't very compatible, but I wouldn't have a discussion about it on her wall.