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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send verbal abuse to my friend because she was a cow to me on facebook?

94 replies

SoggySocks · 05/02/2012 00:48

I was having a get-together around at my house tonight and put up a facebook status saying "Can't wait for tonight, lots of chocolate, wine and giggly girls xxx"
Anyway my "friend" posted a comment on it saying "cringe". I replied "??? why cringe?" so she put "giggly girls? how old are your mates, 10?" Anyway to cut a long story short this went back and forth until I said "thanks for making me look a twat on facebook" and she said "giggly girls? you're referring to 30 year old women with children of their own as giggly girls? trust me you don't need me to make you look a twat, how patronising"

Anyway my night went ahead as planned but a few of the girls had seen all this before they arrived and I think it really damaged the night. It certainly damaged my mood and spoilt it for me. I'm supposed to be meeting up with this woman next thursday. AIBU to text her tomorrow saying she really upset me and maybe we shouldn't bother?

OP posts:
JimmyChooChoo · 05/02/2012 09:26

First of all OP I'm sure you're lovely(and I must be a miserable cow)but 'giggly girls' is a wee bit Blushcringeworthy.
Saying that she sounds like a cow!If she was a true friend she would never say such a childish thing.I think its time for abit of deleting friends in RL.(Or block her/delete her on FB and be done with it).

Animation · 05/02/2012 09:26

A cringey status I thought, but my gut feeling thought she might be jealous or not like your friends.

SydneySinger · 05/02/2012 09:28

Your best course of action would have been to ignore the comment she made. If anyone posts anything a bit stand-offish on one of my updates I tend to just leave it there unresponded to for all to see. That way all that happens is the person leaving the reply looks spiteful and petty all on thier own and I'm not dragged into some kind of year 10 bitch-fest.

In short, rise above it.

youarekidding · 05/02/2012 09:28

Your post wouldn't have even registered on my radar.

I wouldn't have felt the need to comment other than 'have a great time' if indeed I felt compelled to reply at all.

FB does have it uses. I have many friends all around the UK and abroad as I was a rep many years ago!. I can keep in contact and keep up with friends lives that way.

agent and bluddy Grin
custy Sad

op YANBU to think she needn't have been to rude and condescending but unfortunatly the minute you replied instead of deleting the post you became as bad.

SydneySinger · 05/02/2012 09:30

I should add that I do agree with other posters that your friend was probably right to cringe at your update. She was, however, wrong to be a complete bitch about it. But I stand by what I said in that you should just have ignored her.

FetchezLaVache · 05/02/2012 09:33

OP, are you in fact the friend?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/02/2012 09:33

This is how wars start.

And how Jeremy Kyle became a millionare twat

Dillydaydreaming · 05/02/2012 09:34

The people who said it was cringeworthy, do you REALLY let things like that register on your radar? Seriously?

How utterly sad that it matters to you and to be honest I think it says something about your life if it really annoys or irritates you.

It's Facebook - don't take it all so seriously.

QuintessentialyHollow · 05/02/2012 09:36

Sorry Soggy, I agree with everything your friend has posted, from cringe to the point about you not needing her to make a twat of yourself on facebook. And what on earth was that "thanks for making me look a twat" post about? Take some responsibility, why dont you? Having said this, if I were your friend I would never responded to your status update, just gone Hmm and been glad I had made my excuses.

Just delete the exchange and move on.

HandMini · 05/02/2012 09:37

YANBU to say what the hell you like on your FB page. If you want to style yourself as a "giggling girl", go ahead and do so.

YABU to get upset about a "friend's" response to what was a public statement. You put it out there, you should expect responses. Take a look at some celeb pages on twitter if you want to put nasty online comments into perspective.

You would not be being unreasonable to seriously reconsider your friendship with this person...she sounds bitchy and toxic.

You would not be being unreasonable to seriously reconsider your relationship with FB. If comments on it are going to get you down, maybe stick to lurking rather than posting.

Hope you had a good night.

Psammead · 05/02/2012 09:38

If I read your giggly girls comment, I might think 'Not the type I'd bebest mates with, nice that she's enjoying herself'. I certainly wouldn't have commented. How rude! Whatever happened to live and let live? Confused

SuePurblybilt · 05/02/2012 09:40

I don't use FB or care much what any of y'all put on it so I'm not taking it seriously Wink.

But I can see why Rude Friend found it cringy - it's that GurlzNightIn Cliche Conspiracy - all chocolate willies GIGGLE and catered by Iceland and facepacks and Richard Gere films SHRIEK and chocolate and pink wine and let's do our nails HERE COME THE GIRLS and talk about men. The OP's post sort of implied that kind of a night so I see why Rude Friend was cringing.

It was a bit bitchy though, no getting away from that Grin

trixymalixy · 05/02/2012 09:42

Your "friend" was being a complete bitch. I would just cut contact with her, not stoop so low as to send her abuse.

hocuspontas · 05/02/2012 09:46

You made yourself look a twat on Facebook! If you have to have any sort of heated 'conversation' (and I wouldn't have even bothered questioning the 'cringe' comment myself) then message her privately! You only have yourself to blame.

Psammead · 05/02/2012 09:48

Trixie , a little part of my soul died reading your post.

trixymalixy · 05/02/2012 09:59

Why?

PrimaBallerina · 05/02/2012 10:01

I fell foul of FB only last night so can sympathise.

I rarely post anything and should know better but ended up adding a comment to a post disagreeing with what was said (a rant about the terrible parenting skills of others). I was a bit harsh but their OP was very judgey. I was promptly privately messaged, told what for and deleted as a friend by both him and his wife!

TBH I've always thought he was a tosser and only tolerated him because of his lovely wife. I'm gutted that she's upset with me though.

Lesson learned.

nenevomito · 05/02/2012 10:03

Giggly girls?

Falling out over a facebook status?

Wanting to send nasty texts?

Yes, you are 13 aren't you Hmm

No she shouldn't have said it, but you could have just deleted her comment or ignored her or called her or any number of things. Instead you decided to get into a rather childish public spat.

Also, if you let that ruin your evening then you need to have a word with yourself.

bumperliciious · 05/02/2012 10:04

Your friend was a bit mean making that sort of comment. However I do find this whole thing of living out your life on facebook a bit immature.

I don't do FB. That said, I disagree with all of these people who insist you pick up the phone etc. I hate talking on the phone and don't like confrontation at all. One of my closest friend lives 200 miles away so we don't see each other face to face v often. Occasionally one of us will say something that upset the other, not on purpose, & the upset is usually down to our own insecurities. When we lived together at uni we would resolve these issues while drunk & smoking on the doorstep. Nowadays if it happens we do it my email & never speak of it in rl! Works for us! But at least we are not broadcasting it to millions!

Quattrocento · 05/02/2012 10:06

Good lord - you give this sort of nonsense headspace?

You clearly don't have enough to do. Either of you.

How would you propose to 'send' verbal abuse? Make a recording and post it on FB?

And why would you stoop to verbal abuse anyway get a life, get a grip and more importantly get some more important stuff in your head.

Animation · 05/02/2012 10:09

Might be overthinking this - but I wondered if your original status was directed at the friend (or others) to remind her what a great time she'd be missing. And your friend's reaction was a 'no' wouldn't want to be there anyway - not my thing.

aldiwhore · 05/02/2012 10:10

The status WAS cringey, and I've learned from experience that what you can say to someone, you cannot type as a comment. She could have said "Ew cringey" and laughed, a gentle mocking that's perfectly okay between good friends. To comment was daft of her.

For you to allow it to turn into an comment argument was silly... delete if you don't like the way something's going.

MollyBroom · 05/02/2012 10:12

Your Facebook status was cringeworthy. If I posted that I can think of at leat one friend who would post . I would not be offended as she would be right.

You sound like ill matched friends who have actedin a childish manner.

ImperialBlether · 05/02/2012 10:35

Yes, she was being absolutely reasonable to think it, but should have just rolled her eyes and said nothing. In her position, though, I'd be wondering whether I had anything in common with you.

And why did you put kisses on a statement?

Psammead · 05/02/2012 10:52

Trixy - oh shit, sorry! I meant Sue!! Blush

It's a joke nickname thing for Sue, but it's bitten me on the arse now, hasn't it?

Sorry about that. Nothing soul destroying about your post whatsoever.

Fuck. Can just see Sue pissing herself laughing now.