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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law dilemma!!

95 replies

CPtart · 04/02/2012 20:35

My soon to be 7 year old DS is due to go away for a one night sleepover with his beaver group in a few weeks. It is his first time, lots of his friends are going and he is really looking forward to it.
MIL however turns 70 at the same time, and has unwittingly planned an informal family/friends get together for the same date, meaning effectively he will have to miss one or the other. (She is also having a smaller more intimate family meal a week earlier to which we are of course all going.)
DS wants to go on beaver camp. MIL says he "should" go to the birthday get together instead, reason being...get this...some old next door neighbours of theirs from 20 years ago would love to meet him! I have another DS and he will be coming with us.
I understand she will be slightly disappointed not to have all her grandchildren together to show off, but would she be so selfish as to "expect" (and I think thats what bugs me) him to forego his trip. There are almost 40 other people going, surely she could be happy with that??
What to do? I am adamant his pre-planned sleepover should stand.

OP posts:
Billynomateswontbemyfriend · 04/02/2012 20:38

If he has been promised that this sleepover will happen, then it should happen.

Get him to make a special card, even a small video for her but he is 7 and these things are important.

A 70YO, IMHO, should be able to deal with that.

doinmummy · 04/02/2012 20:40

Def let him go to sleepover.

Bproud · 04/02/2012 20:40

What would you do if it was your own DM rather than MIL?
A 70th birthday is a special event, there will be other Beaver camps.

pictish · 04/02/2012 20:40

Sleepover.

niknakpaddywhack · 04/02/2012 20:41

YANBU It was pre-arranged and he is looking forward to it. If I were you I think I would really down play it - "oh dear, never mind. Have you chosen a new dress MIL? What's your cake like MIL?"

Stand by your decision. Keep telling yourself -your ds relies on you to stick up for him.

ilovesooty · 04/02/2012 20:43

Sleepover - it was prearranged and he's looking forward to it. She'll just have to get over herself, won't she?

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2012 20:45

Sleepover.

Kennyp · 04/02/2012 20:45

Which came first, the sleepover or the dinner?

larks35 · 04/02/2012 20:45

Is this a beaver camp or a sleepover at another beaver's house? If the first and it is already booked and paid for then I would probably let DS decide but if its the second then I would want DS to be at the family do, esp. if his Grandma specifically wanted him there. Just what I would do, not necessarily saying that is what you should do.

Bproud · 04/02/2012 20:45

So niknak, you advocate treating the Op's MIL like a child, with distraction techniques, and treat the child's wishes as more important than the adults?

workshy · 04/02/2012 20:46

which ever was booked first is what he should do

fuzzypeach1750 · 04/02/2012 20:46

Sleepover Grin

ilovesooty · 04/02/2012 20:48

I think his wishes are more important because the sleepover was arranged first. It would be a poor message to give him re sticking to arrangements if he has to go to the party instead.

GnomeDePlume · 04/02/2012 20:48

YANBU - whichever event was committed to first should take precedence. My DM & PiL all have the good sense and good manners to check availabilities up front before 'booking' events like this.

COCKadoodledooo · 04/02/2012 20:48

Sleepover. And it would be the same if it was my ma or my ma in law.

LilRedWG · 04/02/2012 20:48

Whichever was first on the calendar.

Billynomateswontbemyfriend · 04/02/2012 20:49

Honestly, as the sleepover came first, then that should stand.

A grown adult should be able to deal with that these little things mean a lot when you are 7.

Would MIL really want a really unhappy 7YO at her party? just to SHOW OFF? I would expect more from hte adult. MIL or DM

JoantheFennel · 04/02/2012 20:50

You mil is being selfish.

FredFredGeorge · 04/02/2012 20:50

Bproud I would certainly treat the MIL like a child, because she's acting like one, the person has been asked if they want to change their pre-arranged plans and the person does not want to. If it was so important for the MIL that the person was there, they needed to ask before deciding the date.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 04/02/2012 20:50

The beaver thing came first, and your ds will get much more out of that than a grown ups party that he will be bored at. Your ds has his own life and he deserves to live it. He is not a trophy to be paraded out to your mils friends.

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 04/02/2012 20:52

Definitely sleepover. I don't imagine a 7yo will really enjoy a 70th birthday party tbh.

AThingInYourLife · 04/02/2012 20:52

Your son has plans.

He's not free to go to a party that night.

He's a person, not an accessory.

Maryz · 04/02/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bproud · 04/02/2012 20:55

Sometimes we can't do what we want to because something more important come up. I would argue that a GP's 70th birthday party is an important event and should take precedence.

squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 20:55

what 7yo would want to go to a 70th birthday instead of a sleepover with friends... not many!

he will be at the meal later, that will have to make her happy