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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or are they? sweets drama.

79 replies

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:13

Today I promised ds he could have sweets as he has not had a ny for weeks, has a new brace so I said to take it out[thats fine], andd save half for tomorrow. They are jelly worms from M&S.
I had asked him yesterday what he wanted, and gone to the shop after work specially as he has been v gd about his brace and in general.
I said put them in a bowl and save other half.. he did this, put remaining on side and dh and dd[18] went over and ate them.. ds saw and said "they're mine"[I had been about toget him to offer round from the bowl] and they both shouted"Don't be so spoilt, mum you are making him totally spoilt, spoilt brat[dh]
He tried to get sweet out of dd hand she laughed and ate it ,shouting and he burst into tears and hit her on her side not hard. They went balistic.
So, obv he should have offered, he shouldn't have hit but they were out of order and it wasn't nice ot fair.
Dh said"they were mine, anyway, I paid for them from the money from account so I can have them, you have to share everything out!"
I realise it is only sweets, but this extends with my dh to other things and i don't think he has boundaries of who has what, and I think dh and dd are ganging up against me. dd also had a rant about what a totally crapmother I am and how ds will never have any friends, etc, etc, in fron t of ds crying now about the shouting and being nasty.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 04/02/2012 12:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABatInBunkFive · 04/02/2012 12:17

Do they share everything of theirs?

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:18

well they don't probably care much about sweets but if it were laptops and phones...

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duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:18

8

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Makeminealarge · 04/02/2012 12:18

Ahhh family politics. Lol. To b fair, if they are all going to act like kids treat them like kids. Behaviour was overall unacceptable from your dh and dd so why put up with it? Also stop favouritism and next time get something for everyone, but still explain to your dc that they got the treats for X reason.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:22

dd is usually at boyfriends today, or i would have got some for her,did get some rocky roads the other day she didn't want them. ds usually allowed sweets on a sat but not had them cos of brace lately.

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HandMini · 04/02/2012 12:22

YANBU. You bought DS the sweets for a reason (braces) and they were a special treat. Your DD (18 FFS!) and certainly DH should be respectful of your decision. F

altinkum · 04/02/2012 12:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:25

the worst thing was dd ranted in front of ds about how unpopular he will be as he can't share
and dh is so annoying because he over indulges sometimes / quite a lot and then behaves like this.. inconsistent and i am going potty with it all

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duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:26

altinkum.. yes, true. he is usually just allowed them but it became a bigger deal becos of brace.

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AgentZigzag · 04/02/2012 12:27

If it was done lightheartedly with a twinkle in your DHs eye, then I think it would have been OK to tease him a bit about nicking his sweets.

But the winding up by him and your DD (who should know better) and saying he won't have any friends was horrible, why would she say such a thing to him?

They both need their heads banging together.

AgentZigzag · 04/02/2012 12:28

Sweets should be seen as a treat Altinkum or they get eaten like they're part of a stable diet.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:30

she said to me"I hope u get ur act together soon mum before the teenage years, you are a crap parent.
I think when she speaks to me like this, wanting to be top dog, she gets the go ahead from dh to treat me like crap, because he agrees with her !!!

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squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 12:32

What an avoidable and unnecessary drama... for everyone concerned!

Stop petty rationing of sweets. Hide them if they MUST be saved for later.

Tell the 18yo to grow up and stop teasing.

I feel quite sorry for the little boy here.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:32

there is background of dh being unreasonable, and giving dd the green light to be like this.
i wish they would both move out tbqh i am desparing at the total lack of respect in this house.

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squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 12:33

And after your last post, your daughter sounds like a gobby little madam who needs putting in her place. I hope your husband is not backing her up if he is witness to this sort of behaviour.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:33

of course i would have hidden them, i did't know he put them on the side, it all happened within seconds. i was in the kitchen but on other side of room.
i feel desperately sorry for the little boy here.

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AgentZigzag · 04/02/2012 12:34

Going from a bag of sweets to wanting your DH and DD to move out is a bit of a shift.

Was that tongue in cheek or do you really want that to happen?

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:34

he is backing her up and setting the same example.

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altinkum · 04/02/2012 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:35

i am very upset. its not the sweets its the attitude, the nastiness, the response the lack of respect and taking sides

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squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 12:37

The family dynamics are very much skewed by the sounds of it then.

You need to do some clear talking with your husband, and tell him how you are his equal, and not your daughter. She may be an adult, she certainly doesnt behave like one, and she should treat you with more respect.

FutureNannyOgg · 04/02/2012 12:37

Sharing is lovely and polite. Helping yourself to someone else's food without asking or being invited isn't sharing. DH and DD are setting a poor example IMO.

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:38

yes i agree with altinkum really, and its becos of the brace he is not allowed. probably best i stick with the odd sweet here and there but not make a big deal out of it.

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Yama · 04/02/2012 12:39

Your husband sounds like a horrible, horrible man.

You need to day to your dd "Do not speak to me like that."

I too feel sorry for your ds. I hope you stick up for him.