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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or are they? sweets drama.

79 replies

duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:13

Today I promised ds he could have sweets as he has not had a ny for weeks, has a new brace so I said to take it out[thats fine], andd save half for tomorrow. They are jelly worms from M&S.
I had asked him yesterday what he wanted, and gone to the shop after work specially as he has been v gd about his brace and in general.
I said put them in a bowl and save other half.. he did this, put remaining on side and dh and dd[18] went over and ate them.. ds saw and said "they're mine"[I had been about toget him to offer round from the bowl] and they both shouted"Don't be so spoilt, mum you are making him totally spoilt, spoilt brat[dh]
He tried to get sweet out of dd hand she laughed and ate it ,shouting and he burst into tears and hit her on her side not hard. They went balistic.
So, obv he should have offered, he shouldn't have hit but they were out of order and it wasn't nice ot fair.
Dh said"they were mine, anyway, I paid for them from the money from account so I can have them, you have to share everything out!"
I realise it is only sweets, but this extends with my dh to other things and i don't think he has boundaries of who has what, and I think dh and dd are ganging up against me. dd also had a rant about what a totally crapmother I am and how ds will never have any friends, etc, etc, in fron t of ds crying now about the shouting and being nasty.

OP posts:
Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:41

agree future.. sharing is waht you do as an agreement, or with ur own stuff, not someone elses
agree squeaky, have spoken to dh ,he has not backed down quote "Do you realise how pathetic you sound, about a sweet "

OP posts:
pictish · 04/02/2012 12:42

Your daughter is a precosious disrespectfuk madam, and your dh is a fool to support that.

My opinion is that the sweets were your son's. What your dh and dd did showed a complete lack of respect for him. You may suggest he offers them around....he does't have to. They were his treat.
They tormented him for fun and then when he dared stand up for himself, got slated.

Your dh needs to grow the fuck up.

Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:43

i feel terrible. and manipulated.
now dh is being nicey nicey with ds quote " we are great friends, have you apologised to dd?
wt actual f

OP posts:
pictish · 04/02/2012 12:43

precocious and disrespectful sorry

Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:44

yes because dh has led by example.
and i am a fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:47

she thinks she is queen bee.
he thinks thats fine.
i work weekends every fourth, next weekend for example.
every time i am home i either get pushed out or treated like this or left out of activities.

OP posts:
Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 12:50

i wish there was a like button who would "like" this? ;
I want him out.
She, either shapes up or ships out.

OP posts:
pictish · 04/02/2012 12:53

You certainly sound at the end of your tether anyway.

thepeoplesprincess · 04/02/2012 12:57

Your dd sounds like a mean cow.

Firawla · 04/02/2012 12:59

your dh and dd were out of order. and as for your dh asking ds has he apologised to dd - what on earth for?? i would not be happy at all they are treating you with a total lack of respect, and was really unfair to your poor ds

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 13:03

Your poor son, I feel really sorry for him Sad

There seems to be no respect shown here

What was wrong with them asking for one of his sweets?

Shriekable · 04/02/2012 13:16

This is not really about sweets, is it? It's the straw that broke the camel's back. You feel disrespected and I'm not surprised. I think your DD said you were a crap mother to hurt you - it's probably the worst thing a child can say to their mother. Your DH sounds manipulative and arrogant. He reminds me of my dad, who never showed my mum any respect and thought he was better than her. He would belittle her - and sometimes me & my sister - and if any of us tried to stand up to him he would goad us and humiliate us, trying to make us feel stupid. And he succeeded! I won't get into the details, but I'm in my 40's now & am still affected by his behaviour all those years ago. Please think only of yourself and your son - those two thoughtless smartarses can take care of themselves.

Original poster
duracell12 · 04/02/2012 13:37

should have been clearer.. i said to dh, have you apologised to ds, dh replied, oh no need we're fine, great friends, have you apologised to dd

shriekable, thankyou very much for that. I am starting to feel as if I am going mad.

OP posts:
SnapesDoxy · 04/02/2012 14:09

Maybe you should start another thread in relationships, they may be able to help you sort out the mess.

Greenshirt · 04/02/2012 19:09

Tell your daughter to fuck off and go and live with her boyfriend if she thinks you are such a shit mother.I cannot believe she said this to you.She would get a slap round the chops if she were mine.As for your husband,well I'm at a loss.Give him food poisoning with doctored sweets?

Original poster
duracell12 · 05/02/2012 00:09

If I could link thread would be good.
Tempted to send both of them on their way

OP posts:
GinLimeandLemonade · 05/02/2012 01:19

Your daughter's acting like a bitch, can't imagine stealing sweets from my brothers or sister. In fact, I'd have probably been sneaking them to him!

AgentZigzag · 05/02/2012 01:25

I have to say that I was quite 'volatile' when I was 18 and probably would have given as much as I got if someone thought they could hit me about Greenshirt. I don't think giving her a good slap is the answer to this one.

Your DD will be rightly ashamed of her behaviour when she's in her 20's OP, once she gets out into the real world she'll realise how much you've given/give her.

Don't despair of her Smile (not sure about your DH though Grin)

RuleBritannia · 05/02/2012 06:33

'staple diet', surely!

Original poster
duracell12 · 05/02/2012 07:11

I feel sorry for ds because she rants and raves in front of him and he believes her when she says poisonous things.
The underlying trouble encouraging this is dh though.. He is disrespectful.
He tends to blame me fir a lot if things and she copies.
She said tome yesterday when I said they can both move out "this is my house",
I said itsmine actually , and she said it's not yours it's dads.

OP posts:
liveinazoo · 05/02/2012 07:27

imo its a relationship issue with dh....he encouraging dd to be disrespectful and then they gang up on you and ds
as for the sweet issue..id buy a bugger off big bag and share them exclusively with ds,preferably when its just the two of youGrin

MrsMangoBiscuit · 05/02/2012 07:36
Shock I am fuming on your behalf. How dare your DH act like this. He needs to shape up and quick! And teaching your DD to disrespect you too, that's disgusting! Angry I think I'd probably be telling him it's couples counselling or divorce.

As for your DD, as AgentZigzag said, don't despair! I was a bitch volatile teenager too, but I get on very well with my parents now that I've grown up a bit. I love them both to bits and visit/call frequently.

Original poster
duracell12 · 05/02/2012 07:58

Yes she said to me " you r the one who should move out" and he often says"this is my house I've paid for it"

OP posts:
MrsMangoBiscuit · 05/02/2012 08:01

The house in both your names?

TheSkiingGardener · 05/02/2012 08:05

Your dd is treating you like this because your DH does, and it's appaling and unacceptable.

If your DH can't or won't respect you then decide whether you can live with that.