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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why parents let their DC run around the bank SCREAMING and banging into people?

107 replies

Denj33 · 04/02/2012 11:53

.....without saying a word? (and just smiling at them when they step on people's feet)
My 13 yr old DD just had to stop him swallowing paper and running out the door, and his mum just laughed, no sorry or thank you even when her DC was pulling my DDs hair

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/02/2012 15:20

I loathe parents that indulgently "free range" parent their children! Parents like this tend to describe their children as "wilful" and "such a character"

I know several parents like that, and all of their children are quite frankly feral, unpopular, rude, demanding little brats.

One woman I know has 3 children and just does not discipline them. The oldest is rude, and is very overweight as she eats and eats and her mother won't say no to her. The child is 10 and weighs 8 stone. The mother knows her daughter is overweight but "well, she likes her food and gets so upset if I tell her no". The middle child is also rude and uncontrollable, to the point of being feral. He is 8 and regularly kicks and hits his mother when he comes out of school if, for example, she is talking to another mum, or he wants to go to the shop for sweets and she says no. She always gives in to him. The youngest (5), does very irritating things, and is always always crying in a squealy, tantrummy way.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/02/2012 15:20

And I agree with Lequeen, you have to start as you mean to go on. Teach them from toddler-hood that a tantrum won't get them their own way and that you mean what you say and your life will be a lot easier by the time they get to 5 or 6!

EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 15:27

Grownup you should have removed them from the situation. Your need to pay a cheque in shouldn't trump everyone else's need to not be inconvenienced by kids who don't know how to behave in public

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/02/2012 15:28

Grownup I think it's ridiculous to say you "shouldn't get drawn into it" when it is your own children you are talking about. Of course you should get drawn into disciplining your own kids, what hope is there for their behaviour if you just wash your hands of it and stand there merrily paying your cheque in whilst they create a scene and inconveniece others?

EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 15:30

It's the 'other people should ignore/walk round them' arrogance that got me!!!

Sirzy · 05/02/2012 15:31

Exactly eau.

I hope your right hexagonal. Ds is 2.2 and that's what I am aiming for! Not helped when the "helpful" old lady at the checkout in asda told me I was an evil mummy who could stop his tantrum by buying him the chocolate he wanted ... Not a chance!

RuleBritannia · 05/02/2012 15:33

EauDeLaPoisson

I second what you say very much. GrownUp2012 can't see why children like hers are irritating to others. If they are not running around, they are screaming right next to someone with a headache. Suppose a partially sighted person had tripped over her child who was lying on the floor? People trailing round with children like those don't think of how they affect others. She should have removed the children immediately and paid in her cheque another day. What was the rush to do it? Perhaps a Giro?

usualsuspect · 05/02/2012 15:36

They Giro remark is a bit unnecessary Hmm

We all have bad days , sometimes we just need to do what we have to do as quickly as possible , my kids tantrumed sometimes , but there you go, thats life.

We can't all have perfect children

saintlyjimjams · 05/02/2012 15:40

People are ridiculously fussy about queues though. Ds1 will wait relatively well in a queue if he can clearly see the front and behind the counter. If he can't he kicks off big time. He is 12 - yep 12 and severely autistic - 5 years ago he couldn't stand in a queue at all. (try living life avoiding all queues). But anyway he will now wait nice and quietly but he stands to the side and towards the front. He doesn't try and push in (he can't talk so he's not going to jump in with his order anyway) but the number of people who start heaving their bosoms at him standing in the wrong place. They'd be sucking lemons if I held him next to me to kick off.

Honestly we need to move to a place like Italy where they have no concept of queuing.

carlywurly · 05/02/2012 15:50

Ouch.. This is all getting a bit judgey. Not nice.
I think if you have honestly never been in a situation where your dc's have played up in public, you are very lucky and possibly also deluded.
They all do it. As long as people see you are attempting to deal with it, they are usually understanding ime. I have absolutely no problem saying no to my two, but it doesn't mean they don't give their boundaries a good old test now and again.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/02/2012 16:07

It's not about children playing up in public though carlywurly; it's about children playing up and parents doing nothing to discipline or control their children. My 2 year old DS frequently has a good old tantrum in public places but he is usually strapped in the buggy so certainly not laying on the floor and getting in peoples' way, and if it got to the stage where he was too loud and we were somewhere such as the library, or at the school fayre, or in a hairdressers, then I would take him out. I certainly wouldn't subject everyone to his bad behaviour!

What some of us are saying is, yes, kids to play up in public but that you need to take action and nip it in the bud from an early age.

Crazyfatmamma · 05/02/2012 16:08

I have a 4 year old boy who althought giving freedom to climb high on climbing frames and to play in the garden unsupervised is never given the freedom to be rude, controlling or defiant. From a very early age he has learnt that tantrums do not work and I will stick to any punishment I give out. I am not a helicopter parent- I let my child take calculated risks but neither do I allow him to run riot- It is all about balance.

My friend on the other hand allows herself to be conplete controlled by her 4 year old, rewards bad behaviour and cannot cope with her child being upset for any reason. When he daughter was 18 months old she took the childs rain cover off in torrential rain and allowed her to get soaked through because her daughter wanted it off!! And also made her husband drive home from work in the middle of the day because her daughter wanted her carseat back even though her mother doesnt drive and it wasnt needed that day.

BanditoShipman · 05/02/2012 16:10

what's a giro? Confused

RillaBlythe · 05/02/2012 16:18

What are heelies?

RillaBlythe · 05/02/2012 16:18

Bandito - dole cheque.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/02/2012 16:22

Crazyfatmamma that is just bonkers indulgence isn't it? Her child will grow up to be an awful adult at that rate

PurpleKittyKnitting · 05/02/2012 16:23

A few years ago we had gone to restaurant/pub for a meal and there were a couple of kids running around and being noisy and getting in the way of staff carrying hot plates of food!

In the end a member of staff took one of them straight to their mother with some sort of comment, can't quite remember what it was but it was brilliant to see! The parents would have been moaning if the children had been burnt or anything.

The more my daughter created a fuss in a shop for an item, the less likely it would be that I would buy it. Not sure if it has backfired on me in some way as even now at 15 in a supermarket, instead of just asking if we can get something, like a cake or something as a treat, she just states 'chocolate cake' so I do the same to her and point out eggs, washing powder etc

youarekidding · 05/02/2012 16:28

Sorry sure I meant the one allowed to run around climbing furniture! I guess they are only free range when it comes to behaviour. I do think the reason they go so wild when let loose is because they are over controlled in other ways.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/02/2012 16:29

Rilla Blardy irritating training shoe things that have a wheel in the heel for children to skate about on (usually in shopping centres and supermarkets)

They give a child an un-natural equinus gate because they tend to walk on tip-toe (normal gait has the heel strike the ground first and take the body weight) To 'walk' in Heelies it has to be the ball of the foot that has ground contact first.

Bet you're glad you asked aren't ya? Grin

BanditoShipman · 05/02/2012 16:29

Rilla - thank you Smile

I presumed 'heelies' meant high heels but not sure Confused

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/02/2012 16:32

gate should be gait .Pah!

SauvignonBlanche · 05/02/2012 16:34

Grownup have you only told us half the story? Does your 6year old have ASD?

GrownUp2012 · 05/02/2012 16:41

Ouch. Bit of a loaded assumption there, lol. Unfortunately I don't have the ability to get out very often and had mistimed my trip to the bank with having both kids after school when they were tired and fed up. However my personal circumstances are such that I cannot always manage to do things when they are at school.

Both of them were disciplined and lost activities for their misbehaviour, however it's important bills are paid and I cannot put that sort of thing on hold because my children are taking advantage of my being in a public place to act up.

The point was that they wanted to go home, not come with me while I ran two errands that should have taken me half an hour, and my son was acting up telling me he'd stop if I took them home.

It's really inconvenient for everyone when he was screeching on the bus and in the bank, yes, but you would think that most people would understand that kids misbehave sometimes, the squealing was in reaction to discipline and my not giving in to their demands.

I'm perhaps more used to blocking out their noise as my DD has some behavioural issues, I do generally apologise if people are visible disconcerted by it, and as I said, I don't let them get in the way as much as can be helped, but yes I do ignore the behaviour and hope others do too. He's attention seeking for a reason.

GrownUp2012 · 05/02/2012 16:45

No, my six year old has issues with his sister having behavioural issues I think. Occasionally I'll get a bout of behaviour from him emulating hers to see if he can get away with it. And yes I am perhaps not physically able to pick up the six year old and take him home by myself as I have disabilities myself that limit my mobility and am a single mum again recently, but this behaviour from him is unusual and in my opinion best ignored once discipline has been laid out. I am specifically trying not to bring into it any of that though, because people most often can't tell anyway and judge you the same way as anyone else.

Goldenbear · 05/02/2012 16:55

I judge people that call their 2 year olds, 'little shits'. I also detest the whole, I'm the boss of you speak. The alternative, where you are not always trying to prove this point with children can equally make happy children. My mum was fairly liberal with our upbringing but did try to encourage kindness in our decision making - she could take us anywhere. She was not always trying to prove who had the upper hand, I cannot stand to see that kind of parenting in public - aggressive, ugly and unnecessary!

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