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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder why parents let their DC run around the bank SCREAMING and banging into people?

107 replies

Denj33 · 04/02/2012 11:53

.....without saying a word? (and just smiling at them when they step on people's feet)
My 13 yr old DD just had to stop him swallowing paper and running out the door, and his mum just laughed, no sorry or thank you even when her DC was pulling my DDs hair

OP posts:
RabidEchidna · 04/02/2012 15:59

A few years ago I was in Woolworth when a child of about 7 in heelies knocked over an elderly woman, I admit when the same child went in to a shelf and knocked it on to herself about a minuet later I was not sorry

ChaoticAngel · 04/02/2012 16:02

"another who will burst into floods of tears, assuming the person is being nasty to them."

That's probably because the parents have never said 'no' to them in their life and even gone as far as to tell them that someone who did was mean Hmm

I have two DC, one DS with sn and one DD. Neither of them have been perfectly behaved all their lives but when they were naughty I didn't just stand there laughing at them. I disciplined them age appropriately at the time. No, I'm not perfect either but I never thought that other people should have to put up with my DC behaving badly.

amicissima · 04/02/2012 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lesley33 · 04/02/2012 16:30

Totally agree. That is why so many elderly people are very wary of young kids running around near them. I have seen elderly people look scared when a running child gets close to them. A friend's Aunt had her hip broken in this way - was 82 but looked younger. She had an operation that wasn't successful and never walked again.

animula · 04/02/2012 16:34

AIBU to think it's sad that we don't integrate a little more?

So, for example, if you are in a lengthy queue in a bank and there's a woman there, also queueing, with a small, bored child, we don't feel it's OK to get our children to help entertain/play with the child? Or even chat to the child ourselves - because they'll often be less bored with another person. Or we could let our older child queue and entertain the other woman's child. Or tell the woman we'll hold her place if she wants to take the child out for a minute.

It's true that some people aren't good at parenting - it's a skill, and some people haven't been taught it. Which is sad for them and their children. But those people are usually few and there is often a good reason for situations like this. eg. child has just gone past their limit but mother has to stay put for some reason.

Instead of thinking Other Mother is a slacker, not pulling her weight in the economy of childcare, it might make all the difference to lend a hand.

that said, going back to my first question, such is our social set up that, genuinely, such offers of help are, in fact, likely to be met with a. rejection b. even an angry response because we are, as a culture, very much steeped in an attitude that you should do your own parenting and "help" is only given and accepted in situations of obvious failure.

It's a shame.

exoticfruits · 04/02/2012 16:37

She probably thinks 'my DC my rules,' but it doesn't work when not at home. They need to act appropriately for the situation-the parent has to teach them.

RuleBritannia · 04/02/2012 16:45

"'A few years ago I was in Woolworths when a child of about 7 in heelies knocked over an elderly woman, "

Not a route really to go down but, if this were to happen to me, I would ask for the parent's name and address and mention that I might make a claim. Personal injury claims are allowed up to 3 years after the 'accident'. That might make the parents sit up a bit.

In my own opinon, discipline should begin at birth.

TheMonster · 04/02/2012 16:50

Surely 10 year olds should be able to refrain from whispering about fat people and giggling at a Slimming World meeting, TryHarder

LeQueen · 04/02/2012 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glittertwins · 04/02/2012 22:16

No, not pfb, although one is a girl. I managed with twins.

Alligatorpie · 05/02/2012 04:50

Some parents are clueless.
I was in Starbucks a few months ago, and a dad had his dd( 18 months) with him. He picked her up and stood her on the counter. It was raining, she was wearing rain boots and they were dirty. I politely reminded him that this is where people get their good and drinks and maybe not the best place for muddy boots. He was like "oh yeah...ok" and took her down. The cashier cleaned the counter, I ordered my drinks, turned around to get some napkins and saw he had picked her up again and she was standing on the counter next to the napkins and sugar.
Twat!

Hecubasdaughter · 05/02/2012 06:50

If I see a parent trying their best to control a misbehaving child I feel sympathy for them. It is parents who make no effort like the one described in the OP who annoy me.

I'm not perfect but I can honestly say I always try my best and I have certainly never actively condoned bad behaviour as this mother appeared to do.

Sirzy · 05/02/2012 07:29

What hecubas said.

With regards what pp said about Others helping keep children who are bored entertained I have found that people quite often chat to Ds, make "this queuing stuff is boring" type comments and generally try to engage with him. Perhaps it's because they can see I am making an effort to keep him amused without being a pain to others.

Moveslikejagger · 05/02/2012 08:15

I met another mum from school last week whilst at the checkout at Tesco. Her 7 year old wanted a bar of chocolate from the stand at the till, she said no, so her DD used both hands to scoop up every last bar and throw them on the floor. Mum then laughed and she picked them up and then bought her a bar. I was speechless. She then told me that she 'loves that she's so feisty and knows how to get what she wants'. Hardly a surprise that her DD is a thoroughly unpleasant child.

Sirzy · 05/02/2012 08:17

The mum was proud of behaviour like that? The mind boggles how some people think!

Moveslikejagger · 05/02/2012 08:21

Yep! Apparently it's also because her DD is so intelligent. (eh?) Mum is a bright woman, great job, no common sense IMO.

youarekidding · 05/02/2012 08:57

I was in Leisure Centre cafe with my DS(7) and friends DD(6) the other day whilst my friend was in changing room getting her 8yo DD dressed. (another thread!).
I always say no running around - walk by all means, but find somewhere to sit and chat.

I turned around to see my friends DD (6) standing on a coffee table and jumping from it to the sofa. Shock

Best of all of when her DD complained about me asking her not to my friend actually said something along the lines of I'm sure she was just trying to get out of the seating area. Hmm

That is the result of free range unchallenged children - whom IMO and IME are not happy children.

PurpleKittyKnitting · 05/02/2012 09:11

On my journey to work most mornings a couple of mums come on with kids that they totally let run riot, running about all over the place, upstairs etc

Gobsmacked at the chocolates at the till! I would have made my daughter pick every single one of them up!

LeQueen · 05/02/2012 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuchProspects · 05/02/2012 09:51

youarekidding that isn't free range, it's permissive. Free range would be expecting the 8 year old to get changed by herself - sensibly.

QueenSconetta · 05/02/2012 09:56

I guess I am a 'Mother of one PFB girl' and when she is a little shit (which at 2.2 is quite a lot) at home or in public I discipline her (timeout/removal of toy or tv time/removal of activity as appropriate). Just takes a bit of willpower. However I am in charge not a 2 year old. If I can't/won't control her now what hope is there!

SuePurblybilt · 05/02/2012 10:02

I like the Free Range thing - to me it's about freedom to explore the world and a huge part of that is how to behave in the world. So safety stuff, like crossing the road properly, and being a nice person stuff, like holding doors and being aware of others and having some manners.

When I was talking to a mum yesterday and her two preschoolers (boy and girl, not that it matters) were cannoning into my legs, pushing/kicking my bag out of their way, interrupting, tearing round in everyone's way and screeching/kicking her legs I didn't think 'Free range kids', I thought 'Irritating mother and borderline feral kids' Wink. But then I was feeling very grumpy.

cory · 05/02/2012 11:40

Dd as admittedly a difficult child to take out, but I found it made a massive difference if I planned ahead and got into a conversation with her the moment we got on the bus or just before we entered the bank, rather than wait until she got fractious.

Yes, it's hard work, yes it would be lovely if some of the other passengers/customers were doing some of the work of entertaining her- but it was actually my decision, not theirs, to bring this somewhat demanding child into the world, so I felt it was reasonable that I should do most of the work.

OriginalJamie · 05/02/2012 14:59

animula - always help out if I can. I remember how hard small DCs are. Recently, I headed off a tantrum on a bus, something which I probably wouldn't have been able to do with my own DCs. I had a really nice conversation with the mum too - other passengers just had that "Oh please God don't scream" look on their faces.

I will judge if the parent is making no effort and in fact doesn't appear to give a toss about anti-social behaviour, as in the OP

GrownUp2012 · 05/02/2012 15:05

My kids did this a couple of weeks ago, I was in the queue to pay in a cheque and my DS (6) was having a tantrum and refusing to do as he was told. He took off his jacket, lay on the floor and generally made a nuisance of himself, whilst DD (3) roamed about and got particularly taken by the automatic door and the camera/TV. I told them off if the got in anyone's way, but my thought process was "get out of the bank as quickly as possible" as he'd been tantrumming since the bus stop outside of school and I'd already tried all the usual interventions and was now at the ignoring him stage. I'd expect most people to be able to walk around him and ignore him too in this situation, it's unfortunate, but you can shout as much as you like, but if they aren't stopping then you have got to just ignore them and not get drawn into it.

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