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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why parents let their DC run around the bank SCREAMING and banging into people?

107 replies

Denj33 · 04/02/2012 11:53

.....without saying a word? (and just smiling at them when they step on people's feet)
My 13 yr old DD just had to stop him swallowing paper and running out the door, and his mum just laughed, no sorry or thank you even when her DC was pulling my DDs hair

OP posts:

OriginalJamie · 04/02/2012 13:59

Amber. If I saw apparent struggling I'd of course have empathy.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 14:04

This pisses me off no end

With a lot of kids it starts at toddler stage. They go stiff and scream when the parent tries to put them in the buggy, so what do they do? They give in to the child rather than suffer a small tantrum.

Then when the child is a little older, the parent will 'ask' them to hold their hand...child throws a hissy...parent begs and pleads with them to hold their hand...child totally ignores and parent gives up as child runs off ahead of them.

If some people can't get the basic idea that a toddler's wishes do not trump the common sense of the parent, no wonder the kids are out of control before they're barely old enough to start school.

OriginalJamie · 04/02/2012 14:08

I agree Worra. It is often to avoid a tantrum, which is basically "anything for an easy life"

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 14:11

Yep, if only they could look ahead a few years and realise they're setting all concerned up for a much harder/more stressful life.

Even a trip to the zoo would be a nightmare with a child that isn't used to holding their parents hand, or at least obeying their instruction.

I've point blank refused to take some of my DS's friends on a day out just because of that.

ChasTittyBeltUp · 04/02/2012 14:14

I hate it when parents let their DC stand RIGHT up next to me when I am at the cashpoint. And then look when you ask them to stand away.

I am NOT saying your child will rob me you fool but I do not want them breathing on my hands as I try to get my cash either.

Tee2072 · 04/02/2012 14:16

That's it exactly, Worra. As if a tantrum in public would end the world.

Glittertwins · 04/02/2012 14:21

If you head off the tantrum by being firm from a very early age, then they might never happen. Our two have learnt not to question/argue about inappropriate behaviour and as such I don't think we have made a rod nor do we get massive disobedience. Too many people seem to treat the children as an adult when they need to be shown boundaries and learn what is acceptable.

RabidEchidna · 04/02/2012 14:23

I hate people who let their kids run riot, and especially the really stupid ones who think taking a kid to the shops on a scooter or heelies is acceptable.

Glittertwins · 04/02/2012 14:30

I know of someone who advocates taking her children to play in shops/shopping centres as something to do when they are bored. I feel so sorry for the shop workers in her local town, I'm sure they didn't sign up to work in a kids paygroundM

JuluLu · 04/02/2012 14:36

"They aren't naughty but can play up if I've had to queue or wait a while. I do tell them to sit or be still but they're kids."

FreePeaceSweet - they clearly are naughty, and you can discipline them.

Pendeen · 04/02/2012 14:41

I would be very tempted to put out my foot and accidentally trip the little swine.

GeneHuntsMistress · 04/02/2012 15:10

Wow, a bank open on a Saturday? Blimey

GeneHuntsMistress · 04/02/2012 15:13

Oh yeah and the other thing. I just tell the adult, "excuse me your child is running out of the door, eating paper, fucking us all off" etc etc.. Usually just needs someone pointing out the obvious in a very polite way, the accumulated crowd shame usually works.

TheMonster · 04/02/2012 15:14

I went to Slimming World the other day and there were two kids sitting at the back. They were about 10years old. They laughed most of the way through the meeting, or else played music on their phones. As soon as their mum had spoken in the meeting she stood up and left, talking loudly to her kids as she left. I was

QuintessentialyHollow · 04/02/2012 15:16

Maybe they have given up on their kids.

ChaoticAngel · 04/02/2012 15:19

Agree with Worra's post at 14.04.

Quite frankly I'd have let him swallow the paper and run out the door.

Tryharder · 04/02/2012 15:28

BodyOfEeyore But if the SW mother is a single parent or has no-one at home, who is she going to leave the kids with? Maybe you have the kind of child that you could leave in a corner for an hour with a book and hear nothing more from them?

I hate threads like this - they are so smacked-arse-face and full of self congratulatory posts from people who Wouldn't Let Their Child Behave Like That (usually the mother of one PFB girl).

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 15:37

Well I'm the mother of 3 boys and I certainly wouldn't allow it

It's not smuggery either, it's just a fact.

Even the parents who seem too afraid to say no and mean it...they have to say no and mean it over some things. I mean if their child wanted to play with a box of matches, they'd have to say no and put up with the tantrum.

So if they choose to give in to their kid's whims regarding allowing them to run off/run around instead of staying with them...they only have themselves to blame.

Trouble is, other people have to put up with their kid's behaviour as well.

RabidEchidna · 04/02/2012 15:40

My mother was a single parent and took my sister and I with her to most places but we would never have been allowed to run riot.

If you can not parent and control your children then do not have them

sodapops · 04/02/2012 15:41

I hate it when other people's kids run riot too. They have no regard for other people. When they are running/scooting/skating around in a shop it could cause an almighty accident. Why has it become acceptable to some people to do allow this nowadays?

Going back to the SW scenario, why can't 2 10yos behave and keep quiet for half an hour or so? They have to do it at school!

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 04/02/2012 15:46

I was in a supermarket aisle the other day and 2 toddlers came racing down towards me. That was the start of them wreaking havoc for the next 20 minutes or so. 1 was about 3 and the other about 2. They ran around, screamed, chased each other, wouldn't go in the direction their mum and teenage sister wanted them to, fought over who would pull the basket on wheels (I know that sound like I don't know the name for 'trolley' but it wasnt a trolley, it was a pull along basket!), so were given in to and given a basket each. Then one fell over and cried and wailed. Then he had a tantrum about wanting to put some money in the self serve checkout (while his brother climbed all over it), so he was allowed to do so, they abandoned the baskets in the middle of the floor and weren't made to move them, etc, etc. And throughout their screeching and whingeing and wailing I was thinking, 'these aren't happy children.' If they had a few more boundaries they'd probably be much happier'

Tee2072 · 04/02/2012 15:49

Well, I don't allow it but I am not the PFB mother of a girl but of a boy. And he behaves in public or "suffers" the consequences.

All it takes is the ability to realise that the world does not revolve around you or your child and that no one ever died of embarrassment due to a child tantrumming in public.

SuchProspects · 04/02/2012 15:51

I have been tempted to encourage my kids to run riot in the bank because my bank are being absolute asses at the moment. But it would only be worth it if they could get behind the counter and terrorize the staff, the other customers don't deserve it.

ragged · 04/02/2012 15:56

In defense of the Free Range kids blog, linked to above, it's all about letting your kids learn to take risks sensibly at an appropriate age to become confident adults who didn't need to be mollycoddled thru childhood; it is most certainly not about letting one's offspring run wild! (I am a big fan of Lenore Skenazy). I suspect she'd be pretty skeptical about the idea of indigo/spirited/Rainbow children, too.

DC were playing me up rotten in the shop yesterday (sigh). It's Hellish when they know they outnumber you. 2 of them needed new footwear & the other one was too young to leave home alone, or I would NOT take them all together.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 15:56

Mary that is so true about boundaries and happier children.

A 2yr old temper tantrum is not 'sadness'...it's just a temper tantrum

But older kids who haven't been taught how to behave and what's expected of them, do often seem to be sad/angry when they can't get their own way.

You often see one child being told 'no' and accepting it quite happily...and another who will burst into floods of tears, assuming the person is being nasty to them.

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