To think if you SAH and your DP works and earns X, you do not therefore earn X yourself

[catgirl1976]

I do not want to start a SAH / WAH bunfight and this is inspired by another thread but......

A thread recently was asking people if they earnt over £40k and I was surprised to see a number of posters saying they were SAHM / SAHD but their partner earnt XX, so therefore they did too.

Now, I am not commenting on the value of the work a stay at home partner does - the value is huge and it is a tough, worthwhile thing to do.

But you do not earn. (Even if you should etc etc).

I work. My DH stays at home. If I heard DH saying "oh catgirl earns xxx so I earn xxx too" I would be really peed off and think - "no, no dude - you don't."

We don't have separate money - what's mine is his and vice versa, and I am happy with our arrangement. It is hos money as much as mine, but I earn it. He didn't spend 20 hours negotiating a deal or whatever - that was me.

It has never even occured to me before, but I was just surprised that people felt if DP earned an amount, they earned it too and would actually say, well yes I earn over £40k as DH is a GP or whatever.

It almost felt like some people were saying they were somehow personally doing better than others because they had "married better" which seemed really

AIBU?

Why wouldn't he know the kids needed shoes though? Why would he have to be told?

Is it just me or is all this stuff about parks a bit surreal?

Well we get them measured every so often when one of us remembers - maybe that time it was me. Or you could replace shoes with any other non-weekly expense.

Hi Quattro, I have two DC who are now 14 and 15 and ExH left ten years ago.

Since then I have used a combination of (a) me working from home as much as possible; (b) nursery; (c) pre-school; (d) childminders; (e) friends [disaster]; (f) after-school clubs; (g) YMCA holiday schemes.

I have paid as much towards the above as I would if I had paid off my whole mortgage.

Linerunner, I hope you have someone to support you, that's a lot to be dealing with.

Working parents have more time than weekends off !! Plenty of time for sitting in parks, reading to children and other wholesome pursuits! Again- aim high. The more autonomy you have in your work life, the more choice you get about how to spend your time

I'm still not getting why a grown adult wouldn't know wht expenditure was needed.

Well it depends on what hours you work obviously. If you work 9-5 mon-fri you're not going to get much sun in the week. Either way no-one said only sahms go to parks. Some people are arguing with their own imagination on this thread.

I don't get what you mean? Do things never come up that you need money for that you hadn't planned?

Ah, thanks, rhondajean. I do have friends.

I also have to support my dad.

I have a PhD and earn peanuts because of the restrictions in my life. My dad thinks the answer is to hook up with a well-off bloke!

Secretmince- you said your own dh finishes work at about lunchtime. So why are you assuming the rest of the population work 9- 5?

Be careful - you're starting to sound suspiciously like you want everyone else who works to not have the time to sit in parks!

Has 'Parks' become a metaphor?

Midnight actually but yes he can sit in parks in the day - and he works and no-one said he can't!

But I took you to PARKS....

I think park has become a trope. Trope Country Park.

The road to Trope Cuntry Park is lined with good intentions.

I think the park thing is surreal as well NKF. Which is in part why I've been flogging it to death. Thankless places. Seriously though, i don't think it's work that's saved me from parks. I'm fairly sure that even if I didn't work, I wouldn't be hanging out at my local park. Only fairly sure mind. I never really took to drinking cider.

Linerunner, your bravery is awesome. You're going to say that you cope because you have to. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Now that the DC are able to get themselves to school and back, and sort themselves out?

Do you think that being economically independent helped you to make this adaptation to your exH leaving?

I luff you all.

Linerunner I am glad you have support. Im still working on the phd so even though it's imbibe not w great help just now, it's a huge achievement, you should still be very proud of yourself. Not many manage it and complete it.

Erm secret, surely people have contingency money for unplanned expenses?
Anyway what does tht have to do with the price of bread - or deciding yourself how to spend your money?

Pmsl but I took you to parks! There's a similar thread in relationships....

Well no - not everyone has savings.

This thread is getting more and more bizarre. Wtaf is this obsession with parks all of a sudden?!

I take dd to the park. I spend 37 hours per week working. DD spends 33 hours per week at school. There are 168 hours in the week altogether. That leaves plenty of time for reading, going to the park & whatever other activities we might like to dream up.

Somebody mentioned that they had enjoyed a day in the park with their dc and that they preferred going to the park to working. That was then turned, by someone who likes to make things up and then argue with them, into someone sating that mums who work don't go to parks.

Can I ask why you take your DD to the park? Is it because it's always sunny there?

I hate the fucking park, even when it's sunny. But it's right next to our house so little escape.

If only work was an excuse not to go!!