To think if you SAH and your DP works and earns X, you do not therefore earn X yourself

[catgirl1976]

I do not want to start a SAH / WAH bunfight and this is inspired by another thread but......

A thread recently was asking people if they earnt over £40k and I was surprised to see a number of posters saying they were SAHM / SAHD but their partner earnt XX, so therefore they did too.

Now, I am not commenting on the value of the work a stay at home partner does - the value is huge and it is a tough, worthwhile thing to do.

But you do not earn. (Even if you should etc etc).

I work. My DH stays at home. If I heard DH saying "oh catgirl earns xxx so I earn xxx too" I would be really peed off and think - "no, no dude - you don't."

We don't have separate money - what's mine is his and vice versa, and I am happy with our arrangement. It is hos money as much as mine, but I earn it. He didn't spend 20 hours negotiating a deal or whatever - that was me.

It has never even occured to me before, but I was just surprised that people felt if DP earned an amount, they earned it too and would actually say, well yes I earn over £40k as DH is a GP or whatever.

It almost felt like some people were saying they were somehow personally doing better than others because they had "married better" which seemed really

AIBU?

Not at all, just think its a very underhand way of trying to attack WOHP. Not nice. Stay at home if you want, but do it for positive reasons- don't undermine others' choices to validate your own.

Oh and working parents also get to spend time in the park with their kids too- you stay at homes don't have a monopoly on sunny days and fun times

Does anyone vow that they will earn whatever their partner earns?

Nobody is disputing that family money is family money, and any WOHP who doesn't share nicely with a SAHP is clearly an arse. But that wasn't the point of the OP!

Laquitar SMR has made veiled snide comments about WOHP and their childcare choices and then followed with who me? back peddling comments - Yuk

I did not suggest anything about Working parents.

I went to work for years, it was crap from my point of view. I hated it. I am sure if you like work then thats good for you.

I should add I have never used childcare so my comments come as an observer.

Hoping that your DH likes going to work too, numbertaker. Otherwise he would seem to have got the thin end of the wedge!

callmemrs - Underhand -exactly !

Agree wholeheartedly. The person who works and is paid for that work EARNS the money - they may choose to support their partner. Personally we BOTH earn money to support our family in this household and unless one of us was ill, incapable or temporarily unemployed I'd be ashamed to have it any other way.

Bollocks I have. So veiled that no-one can point any out obviously. Me seeing a bunch of crap cm's at my local toddler group gets translated to I'm saying everyone's cm is shit

Actually he loves it. Also I always try to be very low cost. I don't put pressure on for things, prezzies, cars, holidays, lots of clothes. He wanted to get me another car, but I said NO. I also always ASK before I spend on anything big, like over £50, and he speaks to me before he spends over that amount. I am talking non-essentials. We respect the money that we share.

sarah i agree but two wrongs don't make right. We went out in the afternoon, came back, ate, then i loged in and found those two still atguing since this morning .
Anyway i'm off, you can continue.

Yep Bollocks - you have !

Ah but laquitar- I've been out and about and reading with my children in between mumsnetting!!

Nothing to fight about here Laquitar as I said I have never used childcare but really dislike nasty comments to those who do.
Night all.

No reading here. Just half hour snow fight. Bad parents.

Numbertaker - what an awful way to live ! You are like a child .... So sad. Why don't you work too ?

Sarah sorry i didn't mean you fighting.

She does work, lorcana-thread-starter.

Have you ever seen an anthropologist study a society and its division of labour and not take food acquisition & preparation, child rearing, domestic arrangements and a host of other jobs of work into account?

Well, I've just got back from bedtime and my voice is hoarse from reading to my kids. But got to keep those IQ points sky high. Anyone got any throat pastilles

I bake my own pastilles, nkf, from the essence of Einstein's pickled brain matter.

(Oh and I agree with catgirl. Somewhere up there ^^)

I always consulted dh and vice versa before any big, non-essential purchases even when I worked as we have always had a joint account.

I buy what I want when I want. And if I don't have enough money, I earn some more to pay for it. Suits me.

It's called - sharing.

Anyway I float through each day on a cloud of domestic bliss. House-work is the necter of life to me.

I have had my day with some overzealous little prig trying to make my life a misery, confined to a office.

I live off the earnings of my husband and I am NOT ashamed. Neither does it affect my self esteem. The only thing that affected my self esteem was being paid crap wages for a crap job and being bullied for it.

Numbertaker- that's awful that your only experience of working has been so negative. However, to me, your experience is just yet another reason why it makes sense to aim for interesting and well rewarded work, because that's far more likely to bring with it more autonomy and satisfaction.

If your dh lost his job, got ill or worse, you will have to work. Your children may grow up to have to work for maybe 50 years of their adult life. Best prepare them for being able to do that without being miserable.