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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed about wedding invite

83 replies

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 03/02/2012 17:57

My cousin is getting married this year and I know they have said no children, which is up to them but when I received the invitation it was sent to my parents and just had my mum, dad and myself on it, no mention of my husband.

Now I know my cousin's partner doesn't know my husband, I have only met her once, but I really can find no excuse for not asking. My cousin certainly knows who he is!

I am so annoyed!

I can understand the no children, although it isn't something I could do but not to get an invite for my husband has just made me fume. I haven't even told him as I know he would be upset.

So AIBU to be so annoyed? I am not even going to reply, my parents can send the reply as they got the invite.

OP posts:

MrsCampbellBlack · 03/02/2012 17:58

Well if numbers/money are tight its fair enough to only invite people they've actually met.

I wouldn't be at all offended but would just assume it was a numbers thing.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 03/02/2012 17:59

That is off imo.

Did your cousin come to your wedding? does he get on with your DH?

Btw are you going to your cousin's wedding?

ENormaSnob · 03/02/2012 18:00

Unless you live with your parents then I think it's rude.

Just don't go.

squeakytoy · 03/02/2012 18:01

You can always turn down the invitation.. or you could go with your parents. If numbers are tight, they are tight.

zukiecat · 03/02/2012 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsdontcare · 03/02/2012 18:06

Why would he be upset because someone he has never met hasn't invited him to their wedding?

Bluebirdpies · 03/02/2012 18:07

The likelihood is that they haven't invited your husband as numbers or money is tight rather than plotting a deliberate slight of your family.

If you feel that upset about don't go. You have to reply though. Not RSVP'ing is a lot ruder IMHO.

aldiwhore · 03/02/2012 18:08

I think its very weird to invite people's children on the parents invite when the children are adults and married. That is VERY odd.

Not sure about being upset, I'd just think they were barking and wouldn't go.

YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 18:08

YANBU. Very rude. If the only wedding you can afford is one where you piss everyone off, then how worth it is it really going to be?

I know weddings are about man and wife and you should have the day you want, but not to invite spouses or longterm partners is just bloody rude IMO.

If I had only invited people I had met to my wedding I would have been able to cut about 100 people off the list and had a very miserable groom and many pissed off friends and family. I've been to loads of weddings where I've never met either the bride or the groom until the day. It's fairly normal.

I understand No Kids, Beach Wedding, Posh Hotel Nobody Can Afford Wedding, Just Witnesses Wedding, but I really think only inviting half a couple is rude.

OnlyWantsOne · 03/02/2012 18:10

I love how weddings make everyone do precious.

If youre that miffed about it, then don't go.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2012 18:11

They haven't researched their wedding etiquette. That is not normal.

YANBU.

LydiaWickham · 03/02/2012 18:12

Actually, it is rude to invite one of a married couple (unless you're getting married with just that person as a witness). It's also incredibly rude to send an invite for a grown up to their parents address as if they are still a child. (You could forgive it if they had a separate invite for you but just sent 'care of' to your parents as they didn't know your address, but it would still be rather lazy not to pick up the phone to your parents and ask for your address).

Don't go. If you don't know them well enough for them to have met your DH, then it's not like you're close, and if they are so rude, it's not like you're going to miss out on glittering company if they stop talking to you altogether.

However, in your decline, please go old school and write "Mrs [DH's First and Surname] is unable to attend". [petty]

YouOldSlag · 03/02/2012 18:12

I'd be tempted to reply

Dear bride to be

I am married with kids
I no longer live with my parents
I can't come

lilolilmanchester · 03/02/2012 18:13

see, I would read that as "we'd love to have you with us Sootica but we really, really, really can't afford to have everyone's partners & kids" ... try seeing it from their point of view............. and get over yourself

tardisjumper · 03/02/2012 18:15

Are you the oldest in your generation? Its the kind of thing I would expect from my rellies as they haven't got their head aorund the fact that I am a 'grown-up' who lives with my long-term DP. Don't have kids though. Should that make a difference?

Are you sure its your cousin who sent it and not your uncle or aunt who wasn't thinking?

LoveInAColdClimate · 03/02/2012 18:15

YANBU. Vvvvvvv rude of them not to invite your DH.

mumnotmachine · 03/02/2012 18:15

I would have read it that you are her immediate family, she dosnt want kids there, so dh will be staying with kids while you go to wedding

Rindercella · 03/02/2012 18:15

YANBU. Your DH has met the groom and from your OP I would say he knows him at least relatively well. After all, a wedding is about both the bride and the groom isn't it?

I also think it decidedly off - and very strange - to send an invitation to someone who is married with her own home and family to her parents' house. That totally disregards the fact that you are now an adult and not just an extension of your parents.

I personally would just leave it to your parents to reply and say that they are going by themselves. If you are inviting someone with a long-term partner/spouse then you either invite both or neither.

Just out of interest, what sort of relationship do your DH and cousin have?

LydiaWickham · 03/02/2012 18:16

lilolilmanchester - that would wash if they had sent the invitation to Sootica, but as they actually just added her to her parent's invite like a child, which is rude to do to a grown woman.

MillontheFloss · 03/02/2012 18:16

I wasn't invited to a good friend of DH's wedding a few years ago. I had met them several times but just figured numbers were tight and I didn't make the cut. Have been on holiday with said couple since and no hard feelings. Will probably make it difficult to ever be really good friends with them though.

I'm sure your DH wan't be too bothered if he hasn't met them.

Personally I wouldn't dream of inviting only half a couple (even if the half you don't know comes to evening do only) but I think every couple has their own wedding rules.

A bit odd to include you on your parent's invite though. You're not a kid.

QuintessentialyHollow · 03/02/2012 18:19

Rude ignorant people. Decline.

GnomeDePlume · 03/02/2012 18:22

Is it possible that the guest list has been constructed by someone who doesnt know you are married and no longer living with your parents? I can imagine this having been done when I was younger and aunts/uncles had forgotten I was no longer 15.

It is of course the perfect reason for declining and staying home with your invisible husband and children.

lilolilmanchester · 03/02/2012 18:22

I don't find being added to parents' invitation offensive at all, often people see their aunts/uncles/cousins as part of the same family unit.But I come from a not very well off family, who learnt to take the rough with the smooth. I guess some people just need to know that they and their partners' feelings are way more important than the person whose party it is, trying to juggle the cost & logistics of the party and keep everyone happy...........

MsHighwater · 03/02/2012 18:25

If they couldn't afford to invite both of you, they shouldn't have invited either of you. I would do them a favour and decline.

MosEisley · 03/02/2012 18:26

YANBU. To invite you with your parents when you are married and don't live with them is odd and a bit rude.

Not to invite your husband (even as a +1) is also a bit odd and rude.

If numbers are that tight they shouldn't have invited you at all.

imo!

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