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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit disgusted and insulted when guests don't shower?

80 replies

Cerubina · 03/02/2012 13:49

I have a couple of regular visitors to my house who just don't use the bath or shower when they come, however long it's for. I know that both of them at home bathe on a daily basis and regard it as almost a bit of a treat at the end of the day, but they don't use my bath.

I should add that the bath is brand new and clean as a whistle - guest bathroom as well so no excuse that we are hogging it or anything. And I provide them with a fluffy towel as well and nice toiletries.

It's up to them of course but TBH I feel really insulted that they don't seem to want to use my bathroom and don't get why... Is it actually normal to visit someone's house and not have a proper wash, and I've never realised?!

OP posts:

ThunderboltKid · 03/02/2012 13:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

olgaga · 03/02/2012 13:53

They are probably just being polite and don't want to get in your way or cause you more work/laundry etc!

I certainly wouldn't feel insulted.

porcamiseria · 03/02/2012 13:54

disgusted and insulted?

sweet jesus.................

mojitomania · 03/02/2012 13:54

Must admit that if I stay with a friend or one of my family for a night or two I don't. Nothing against them at all, they're very clean. Just tend to like using mine. I also fess up to having to wear flip flops in any one elses shower and always were slippers, never go barefoot even in my own house.

Flatbread · 03/02/2012 13:54

Do you have enough hot water and water pressure? Does it suddenly go cold? Have you ever bathed in the guest bathroom to check?

It is a bit strange, if your plumbing is fine...maybe they feel so relaxed at your place that they don't need to treat themselves to a bath at the end of the day?

mojitomania · 03/02/2012 13:54

wear

MackerelOfFact · 03/02/2012 13:55

If you've only got a bath, I can see that it might feel a bit invasive/antisocial to take baths are your house. But if you have a shower, I'd consider it incredibly weird. Perhaps they just prefer to strip wash at the sink? Bit messy though!

thisisyesterday · 03/02/2012 13:55

yanbu ,that's really quite odd, especially as you have a nice bathroom and clean towels and stuff

have you said to them "oh, do i've left towels out, do feel free to use the bathroom"?

Kayano · 03/02/2012 13:55

My BIL had a shower at mine once and came out and still smelled

I had to ask if he had washed

'no I could not find the shower gel'!

My bathroom is tiny! I have shampoo on left, conditioner in middle and shower gel on left. He
Would have me believe he
Could find the shampoo but no soap or shower gel! I was , then

When he lived here for a
Couple of weeks I was shocked how little he used shower

pictish · 03/02/2012 13:55

Yabu - what's it got to do with you?

They are your guests, not your employees.

Leave them alone and keep out of it.

trixie123 · 03/02/2012 13:55

if its just for one night then YABU. If they've showered the day they arrived and are going home later the second day, maybe they just don't want to faff. I can easily get away with washing hair every other day and don't want to cart hairdryer, styling stuff etc around so make sure its a "no hair wash" day. People don't get that smelly in 24 hours if you've just been doing normal stuff - also you can't exactly have a relaxing soak when you are a guest - a quick hop in and out hardly seems worth it.

thisisyesterday · 03/02/2012 13:56

i would be tempted to invite them for a fortnight and see what happens lol

TimothyClaypoleLover · 03/02/2012 13:57

I must admit that if I am staying overnight at someone's house I will just wait until I get home to have bath as I can relax and take as long as I want to. And no matter how clean and tidy someone else's bathroom is there is nothing like your own bath. However if I were staying for a prolonged visit I would obviously shower/bath each day.

YABU to be disgusted and insulted. Just accept they might prefer their own bath.

PurplePidjin · 03/02/2012 13:58

If I go to visit someone, I go to visit them not loll around in the bath. If we go up to see SIL I bathe Saturday am, then travel and spend time with them, then travel home on Sunday and have a nice relaxing bath in familiar surroundings with a book!

Hedgeblog · 03/02/2012 14:00

YANBU

I have brand new guest shower en suite. All visitors have used it except for one regular visitor who 'hand washes'!! This visitor is phobic of everything though. Never eats out, only drinks through a straw and has NEVER used a public loo and would hold on even if bursting!!

Salmotrutta · 03/02/2012 14:00

What Thunderbolt said - much more relaxing to have a bath/shower in your own home where you know the foibles of the temperature gauge/access to lots of towels/availability of favourite soaps etc.

I always hate using other peoples showers - e.g. too hot/cold/high/powerful/not powerful enough blah blah blah. Obviously the longer you are staying the more likely it is that you will have to but hardly disgusting and insulting is it?

As long as they wash properly and wear clean clothes they are unlikely to smell.

Hedgeblog · 03/02/2012 14:01

Funnily enough though when I went to the phobics house for dinner I got a mild case of food poisoning, she has defrosted prawns in warm water and left out for ages!! She ate them but won't go into a sparkling clean shower!

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 03/02/2012 14:02

Disgusted and insulted is a bit over the top don't you think?

YANBU to wonder why they don't shower at your house.

I always give my bathroom a good clean and put fresh towels out for guests to use when they come. They don't always use them though, and quite frankly as long as they had a nice time I don't really care about their bathing habits.

StellaNova · 03/02/2012 14:04

I have a friend who never had a bath or shower either when staying with me or when we were staying with other people. I noticed it, but didn't really think anything of it. I, on the other hand, don't feel ready for the day unless I have had a wash and if I can sample someone else's inevitably much nicer and more expensive shower gel/ soap and the same time, so much the better.

On another note what would you consider fair game in someone else's bathroom and what not? Shower gel/ soap definitely, toothpaste, shampoo I would have thought - body lotion/ moisturiser? Hand lotion? What about special deep conditioners and stuff? Bubble bath? Face wash?

LauraShigihara · 03/02/2012 14:05

I obviously come from a extra-clean family because I can't imagine going 24 hours without a shower (or a bath if there was no alternative). My family and any friends that have stayed have always cleaned themselves.

YANBU - who wants grubby people sleeping in their nice clean sheets?

Original poster

Cerubina · 03/02/2012 14:07

Seems like I might be a bit U - maybe the language was a little strong but one of them stayed 6 nights recently and not a single bath... And her bath at her house gives me the heebie jeebies (coating feels slimy) but I still use it!

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 03/02/2012 14:07

Don't invite people who behave differently from you.
You could send them a questionnaire.

Salmotrutta · 03/02/2012 14:09

But she'll be changing the sheets anyway when they go.

And if they have a wash (as opposed to a shower/bath) they will still be clean.

I'm always a bit wary of other people's showers having been frozen/pummelled/burnt on occasion.

MoChan · 03/02/2012 14:10

I think your reaction is OTT. I tend to avoid showering in other people's houses unless I'm there for more than a night or two It's not because I'm filthy, or that I think they are filthy, I just struggle to generally feel 'at home' with showering or bathing in others' bathrooms (especially when they have family bathrooms without a lock, which many do, plus I agree with PP about negotiating the foibles of a new shower!). I don't think people are disgusting for not having a shower for a couple of days, and I find most visitors to my house do a similar thing.

Salmotrutta · 03/02/2012 14:10

Did your guest smell after 6 days?

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