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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unclean..unclean..I am wearing the leper's bell..no one likes me in the village

155 replies

taxiforme · 03/02/2012 12:43

AIBU to be so f*ing angry for being "rejected" by the village book group?

I am trying to "make friends" in the village I have moved into. Thought I would join the local book group via a friend that I had made who was a member and I kind of knew in passing the other members as their kids are friendly with my DH's kids...

Ohhh they go out for curries, they drink wine, sometimes they read books.

On saying I would pitch up for the next meeting I was told "oh no..I will have to put it to the other members"

..eh?

I am now told that "they feel they have enough members and cannot accept more"..there are EIGHT of them.

I feel so rejected and unwelcome but suspect that this is the work of the "XXName of the VillageXX Mums' mafia".

I am not a member of this sacred sisterhood. I work full time and don't wear Boden or Birkenstocks and have never been to Centreparcs..also I am a bit common. I have been seen in ASDA. I have a bit of an accent, too. I was asked if I was from "the North country" the other day.

What to do? Set up my own group sacred to the memory of "Princess Daisy" and "flowers in the attic" with a bit of jackie collins and bridget Jones thrown in? Or buy some flat ergonomic sandals, an overpriced flowery skirt and pay £1200 to sit in the rain in a wooden shed in Wiltshire as an effort to blend in?

Fight? Or resign myself to drowing in a well of loneliness of puffa jackets and John Lewis samples?

OP posts:
SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 03/02/2012 15:16

Rhinestone very sensitively and wisely put. You're no fun!!!!!! Grin

Rhinestone · 03/02/2012 15:21

I'll have you know I'm loads of fun thanks very much SarahDoctorIndyHouse. Sometimes at my book club (that I'm President of) I'll even allow members to have a glass of Bucks Fizz BEFORE I mark their book reviews.

TheCuntwormUnderfoot · 03/02/2012 15:43

Next time you see them smile and say that it's all fine as you have been able to join the 'Other Book Club.' Be very vague about the details. It will drive them barmy.

AttillaTheMum · 03/02/2012 15:44

I want to start a film club

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 03/02/2012 15:45

Rhinestone

Coffee all over my screen (via my nose!) Grin

GoingForGoalWeight · 03/02/2012 16:15

You are the only rejected book club wannabe in the village! REJOICE! the vile, petty, snobby twunts.

ithaka · 03/02/2012 16:22

There are 3 books clubs in my small village! I was asked to join 2 (smug emoticon) and chose the less Stepfordy one. Maybe I was being rude and cliquey turning down the other book group?

Anyway, we get a set number of books from library (12) so have to limit the numbers to that. Only one member has ever left, so only one new member has been invited in the 3 years we have been meeting - sorry, but what can you do?

I would never invite myself along to something I wasn't asked to join, that just is not my style.

I would set up your own book group, If you like the idea of a book group.

Hullygully · 03/02/2012 16:25

My local book club won't let me join cos I'm too innerlectual. How tactful are they?

CailinDana · 03/02/2012 16:28

You can join the bookclub DS and I have started Hully. Mostly we read "Animal Hide and Seek."

Hullygully · 03/02/2012 16:28

I want The Zoo

CailinDana · 03/02/2012 16:29

The theme presents a challenging study of the desire of animals to be alone despite the cramped conditions they are forced to live in.

CailinDana · 03/02/2012 16:29

Hully if you're going to be awkward DS may have to poo on you.

Hullygully · 03/02/2012 16:33

Actually I want a marvellous book called Bunny's Going Out.

I used to read it to my dc all the time, even when they begged me not to.

Bunny wears different outfits on each page and it says things like:

Bunny's Going Out
She's Looking Very Pretty
She's Wearing Her Smart Suit
Because She's Going to the City

And it's even bunny-shaped!

Can't wait to torment the gc with it.

Hullygully · 03/02/2012 16:33

Cailin I know it's Fri but you are going Too Far.

CailinDana · 03/02/2012 16:34

It's good for your skin, honest.

thenightsky · 03/02/2012 16:38

Thought I'd better come back and explain my rather 'judgy' post earlier.

I was actually joking Grin

We do have a waiting list though and we did let one lady jump the queue to join as she had a terminal illness... we've lost her now Sad

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 16:40

Ithaka..Surely being "asked to join" kind of reinforces my OP point? How do you decide who to ask.. prithee?

Asking if I could come along to the next meeting..as a book club virgin, surely this was not..err..rude? Is this not normal?

It strikes me having heard all that you all have to say (thank you Thanks) that I might have got the wrong end of the stick and what I have been trying to join is a group of established friends who may occasionally talk about books.

Sitting in my house waiting for people to come knocking on my door is not my style so I think I am resolved in starting my own.

OP posts:
lifechanger · 03/02/2012 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 03/02/2012 17:08

I think MrsWuh and then others on the next page have a good point. Most normal living rooms aren't going to be able to accommodate masses of people comfortably, and then there's the time it would take to listen to what everyone had to say. Having been on millions (well, quite a lot) of commitees/ meetings / management groups over the years, I know the larger the number of people, the more waste of time or inefficient they were. It takes FOREVER to listen to load of opinions on everything.
Seems sensible to me to limit number in a book group (and I'd never even thought about borrowing a set number of books).

ithaka · 03/02/2012 17:18

'Ithaka..Surely being "asked to join" kind of reinforces my OP point? How do you decide who to ask.. prithee?'

Well, it has only happened the once, and I think it went like: now x has left, y says she'd quite fancy coming along - everyone ok with that?

We meet in each others houses, so it seems fair enough to me that any random can't ask themselves along.

MoChan · 03/02/2012 17:19

I am a member of a book group. We have curry and drink wine, but we are not remotely snotty or self important or prejudiced against ANYONE.

However, when I new member is suggested, it is run past every member of the book group before they are admitted. It's just a courtesy, really.

That said, it might just be, as PP suggested, that they are essentially just a group of friends who get together with a book as the 'excuse'.

I wouldn't necessarily take it personally. Though I know that people can be cliquey, and if it's that, then it's a pain.

Rhinestone · 03/02/2012 17:20

Joking aside, I'm actually in a drinking book club. I was invited to join and initially it was lovely as there were about 10 regular members so about 6 or 7 of us at every meeting. A nice number for a good chat and a convivial atmosphere and easy for catering for the host etc.

Then someone brought along a new member and one of the original people got a bit peeved about this and so invited 8 colleagues in response! She's not even friends with some of these colleagues. It's totally changed the dynamic and makes it a real PITA hosting. Plus it means the rest of us have to listen to their work talk and it's not as fun as it used to be.

Nothing wrong with most of these people by the way, it's just changed the group.

Tortington · 03/02/2012 17:24

this is really hoirrible and mean spirited. it would really hurt my feelings.

tbh it would have beenb even more rubbish if you had joined and they pretended to like you but then didn't invite you to other stuff and clearly left you out or made you feel inferior.

that would be prolonged rubbishness and your worth more than that.

when your alone and you feel lonely, its so hard to say to someone that no friends is better than rubbish friends. but it really is true.

i speak from experience.

Rhinestone · 03/02/2012 17:27

I might add, the first meeting when all these extra people turned up was when I was hosting and the member who invited them all only told me the day before that 8 extra people were coming.

I was really pissed off due to lack of seats for 16 people, messed up the meal I was going to do and because I actually didn't want 8 complete strangers in my house.

Morebiscuitsplease · 03/02/2012 17:29

So sad to hear that some book groups are snotty. My group is lovely, friendly not at all pretentious. I don't always manage to read the book. Working in a library I have learnt that it is important to encourage people to read whatever they fancy... I suggest you set up your own group with like minded people.