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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unclean..unclean..I am wearing the leper's bell..no one likes me in the village

155 replies

taxiforme · 03/02/2012 12:43

AIBU to be so f*ing angry for being "rejected" by the village book group?

I am trying to "make friends" in the village I have moved into. Thought I would join the local book group via a friend that I had made who was a member and I kind of knew in passing the other members as their kids are friendly with my DH's kids...

Ohhh they go out for curries, they drink wine, sometimes they read books.

On saying I would pitch up for the next meeting I was told "oh no..I will have to put it to the other members"

..eh?

I am now told that "they feel they have enough members and cannot accept more"..there are EIGHT of them.

I feel so rejected and unwelcome but suspect that this is the work of the "XXName of the VillageXX Mums' mafia".

I am not a member of this sacred sisterhood. I work full time and don't wear Boden or Birkenstocks and have never been to Centreparcs..also I am a bit common. I have been seen in ASDA. I have a bit of an accent, too. I was asked if I was from "the North country" the other day.

What to do? Set up my own group sacred to the memory of "Princess Daisy" and "flowers in the attic" with a bit of jackie collins and bridget Jones thrown in? Or buy some flat ergonomic sandals, an overpriced flowery skirt and pay £1200 to sit in the rain in a wooden shed in Wiltshire as an effort to blend in?

Fight? Or resign myself to drowing in a well of loneliness of puffa jackets and John Lewis samples?

OP posts:
trustissues75 · 03/02/2012 13:32

MrsWuh - you do have a point there...but there are other ways around the issues of a large book group and since they socialise outside of the business of discussing the book they're reading they're actually socially excluding people and IME this is usually because of the hidden agenda of not wanting "unmentionables" messing up their just-so gene pool.

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 13:33

Thanks all

  1. I am not alone.
  2. I have great friends and I should treasure them, they dont live locally but, hey ho. I have just now called a REAL friend and agreed to meet her at the end of the month for a girly night away thanks to groupon... She has offered cheese straws and some angel delight for the party and has made a bottle candle holder.
  3. Book Groups prob not my thing anyway.
  4. Seventies food deffo my thing.
OP posts:
RobinSparkles · 03/02/2012 13:34

Sad it's a bit like when you were eight and the "Cool Girls" won't let you join the secret gang that they have just created, as there are already 4 in the gang and of they let anymore in it just wouldn't be secret.

Know exactly how you feel, OP.

thenightsky · 03/02/2012 13:45

I'm a long term member of a village book club. The numbers are kept at 12 by the library as that is the largest number of copies of one book they can let us have each month. We do have a waiting list to join and we have been known to say no to some people. Well only 2 people actually. One never shuts up and would take over the group. The other never shuts up about her gynae troubles, which is not what a book club is about.

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 03/02/2012 14:12

TheNightSky you had me on board with the 12 max rule as regards library reservations (though people might actually want to buy their own) as I take the point that it can become too unwieldy with really large numbers. A waiting list sounds fair.

However I lost all sympathy when I got to your second rather judgey point. Can I take it then that the rest of you are just perfect and never get on anybody's nerves at all?

Don't get me wrong: if the group is held in someone's house then of course you can include/exclude whomever you damn well (don't) like...but that just reinforces the point about cliquey-ness really

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 14:14

:( maybe I fall into one of those groups you mentioned thenightsky.

OP posts:
JeanBodel · 03/02/2012 14:15

I read your OP and thought, 'that sounds just like where I live'. Then I noticed that you live in Wiltshire, where I do in fact live.

Whereabouts? We could start a MN bookclub. Gina Ford, anyone?

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 14:15

Thanks sarahdoc, you put the point better than I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 14:19

Hi, sorry I don't live in Wiltshire Jean. My point about centreparcs in Wilts got a bit misinterpreted! Though one of my friends borrowed my mountain bike and took it to Longleat centreparcs and it got nicked! Angry

OP posts:
SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 03/02/2012 14:20

Taxi I think I fall into both of Nightsky's categories!!

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 03/02/2012 14:22

My point about centreparcs in Wilts got a bit misinterpreted! That was me Blush no wonder I'm unwelcome...I can't even understand plain English!

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/02/2012 14:27

Sarahdoc.. if you are wetting pants then deffo second category. Dont worry about centreparcs. The nearest to Marlborough I will get comes in a packet of 20 with a red top.

OP posts:
GeraldineHoHoHobergine · 03/02/2012 14:31

You could offer to smoke the proverbial pipe of peace with the book group and take them some 'pet is fours' (petis fours = cat turds on sticks optionial marzipan garnish).

OrmIrian · 03/02/2012 14:36

Bugger the book group! Start a coven! Better clothes, more fun.

mrspepperpotty · 03/02/2012 14:42

I'm in a book group. Luckily not in Wilts so def not the one that rejected you OP! There are 8 of us, and 3 or 4 others have expressed an interest in joining. We do want to be inclusive (I'm a 'more the merrier' kind of gal) but, honest question, where do you draw the line? I mean, a book group of, say, 20 would be too many, given we meet in each other's houses. So there has to be a point when you say 'no more joiners' and end up upsetting anyone who wants to join after that Sad

Toocoldtoday · 03/02/2012 14:46

Book clubs sound pretentious and shit anyway...

OrmIrian · 03/02/2012 14:51

Could the overflows not start their own book group?

gramercy · 03/02/2012 14:51

I've just been reading a thread where a mum's posting about her dd who has no friends in the playground, no one will let her join in etc etc. Then I click on this thread.

Plus ça change, eh?

And, do you think that the Queen Bee of the playground grows up to be Membership Secretary of the Book Club?

Whatmeworry · 03/02/2012 14:56

And, do you think that the Queen Bee of the playground grows up to be Membership Secretary of the Book Club?

I am convinced that these sort of societies are magnets for pocket dictators who want to rule tiny kingdoms. Their politics dwarf anything I see at work :)

ohanotherone · 03/02/2012 15:00

I think you will find that soon the said book club will disband after flowery skirt is found shagging birenstocks husband. Watch and learn!

boobiebrain · 03/02/2012 15:01

I'm quite worried my mum is reading the twilight series, shes 50, even the library lady commented they aren't her usual books.

Create your own book club, drink Stella and read Mills and Boon. I love Marian Keyes and similar. Why would you waste any time with the sort of women you describe, they sound boring as fuck.

luckylavender · 03/02/2012 15:05

At a Book Club I was once a member of, I was told that I clearly didn't understand the book and that maybe because of that my opinion ceased to be valid. So I didn't like the book but I resent the inference that I couldn't understand it. Me with my BA Hons and Masters from an RG University - in French literature with English subsid.

catsmother · 03/02/2012 15:05

I used to belong to a lovely book group - originated on MN actually, until I left for personal reasons (that had nothing to do with the group). That group used to be kept at 8 simply 'cos it would have otherwise been a struggle to fit any more people into our (mostly) fairly modest living rooms, and by the time we'd all said our bit it would have been too late to get on to girly gossip. But whenever a friend of a friend expressed an interest and numbers had dropped, as they did from time to time, there was no "vetting" by the rest of us at all other than said member suggesting new member and the rest of us agreeing that'd be great.

I really miss it :(

Rhinestone · 03/02/2012 15:10

I wouldn't feel too hurt by it - tbh it sounds like a group of established friends who simply get together to read a book, especially as there are only 8 of them.

It does sound a little bit like you just invited yourself along out of the blue and your friend just babbled something that made it sound more official than it really is and she knew this was a close knit group of friends who weren't up for an acquaintance tagging along.

Not as friendly as they could be, sure, but I wouldn't take it personally. Carry on being friendly to them and let friendships develop naturally. If you take up some of these suggestions and act like you have a chip on your shoulder then you'll be doing yourself more harm than good.

aldiwhore · 03/02/2012 15:12

There's an open book club in a local village to us that doesn't have a limit on numbers and its HUGE... they call themselves The Big Read, and somehow get lots of copies of first time published authors... I will do some research to see how they set it up?

They dont' get to choose the books but the publishers send authors out quite regularly to do talks, and all the books are sold at the end of the year for 50p each (I don't go to the meeting, but I have all the books).

Set up your own spangly club on your own terms with lovely pot luck books... some of the best books I've ever read have come through the group.

Smile (If you don't think I'll turn up on your doorstep with a stalkerish smile - I won't, too lazy - you can pm me your address and I'll send you a couple of my copies)

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