Having one child is not harder than having more?

[morebabiesmorework]

Friend recently decided to tell me why having one child was harder than me having 4. Friends child has no special needs/not a single parent/ child same age as my youngest.

AIBU to think she is talking crap?

Maybe she finds it hard.

Maybe with 1 she stresses the small stuff that you get a bit 'meh' about once you have more than one and are probably even more 'meh' about by the time you get to 4.

Maybe if you have more children they play together rather than expecting you to be their constant playmate.

I have 2. Some things were easier with one, some are easier with two.

When my daughter was at brownies yesterday my other daughter was clearly at a loose end and made me play an endless Top Trumps game with her. She needed a lot more of my attention than she normally does. Normally she will play with my other daughter. So she may have a point.

I found the baby and toddler stage much harder work than i did just the one though.

YANBU, in the sense that I think its ridiculous to try and determine which is harder. There are no doubt times when its easier having 4 than 1 - for example if all 4 are playing together leaving you to get on with other things, whereas if there's only 1 then they would in all likelihood need your attention.

On the other hand, I shudder to thing of the workload that 4 must create (respect to you!).

And it also depends entirely on the mother, her support structure and circumstances etc etc.

I hate that kind of competitive analysis of who's doing more or who has the greater challenge, irrespective of how many you have, parenting has its joys at times and is very hard at others. For everyone.

Some people I know would agree, as at least with multiple children they can entertain each other!

Agree with what you are saying folk and I do think she does find it hard and prehaps harder than i do with 3 extra children.

Maybe I should have said, AIBU to think my friend stating that having 1 child is easier than having more is a bit insensitive and incitful?

It's different for everyone. I struggle with two. My sister has six and can't relate to how hard I find it!

Well mine do entertain each other, true but they also fight alot

Is your friend happy with having one child? I have one dc (not through choice) and find that I often don't feel 'valid' as a mother with 'just the one'. - Might not be the case, but just a thought...

YANBU. I have 3. Nothing is easier with 3! When I have just 1 it is heaven. Perhaps you should let your friend look after your dc's for a day!

But miette is right, you do sweat about the small stuff with one and you do have to entertain them more.

How can she tell? Unless she has previously had more than one at the same time.

Personally I can see why she might think that but I think she's wrong.

I'm afraid I laughed when I read your friend's comment. I can understand a single child needs more entertaining, but then she will also have one quarter of your work load re washing/shopping/cleaning/cooking ... I could go on!

The hardest time for me of the entire time I have been a parent (I have 2) was when I only had one newborn. It was such a shock to the system and SO MUCH harder than having none. However, was I to go BACK to only having one, knowing what I know now, I would probably find it a doddle compared to having two.
Also, depends on the ages. Having a newborn and a toddler was very tough (and the 2nd toughest time for me). But now they are 4 and 6, it's much easier.
I do sometimes look wistfully at those families with just the one who always seem so calm, mind you....

I agree it is down to so many factors. I'm just a bit miffed that she said it. I have been the mother of one as have most mums of more and do understand it can very intense.

'when all 4 are playing together'

If the OPs house is anything like mine, this rarely happens. With 3 there is always one left out, or they start squabbling

My 'multiple' ( all 2 of them) children 'entertain each other' by fighting, so I think I would find it much easier with just the one.

Everyone has their own stress levels though don't they. I know 2 different very rich 'life of riley' type SAHMs whose kids are at private schools and who never have to worry about money, can go out shopping, to the gym and coffee-ing as much as they want to, have all the 'me' time they want , one has 1 child and one has 2 . They both moan like shit about how hard their lives are.

I love them both to bits but I do want to slap them sometimes.

I think what OP's friend is saying, covertly, is that OP appears to manage much better with her 4 than the friend feels she is with her 1. Truth is the friend could probably manage better (with 2+) than she gives herself credit for. But she doesn't know that.

I do wonder if parents of one child put themselves under pressure to be perfect though? When I only had DS1 I was much more concerned about doing everything right, now I tend to focus on just getting everything done. I count a day as a success if everyone has been fed, been to school, had clean clothes to wear and has had a bath/shower within 48 hours .

I occassionally, in rare moments of calm, get visited by the Parental Angst fairy who fills me with doubt and regret....but then someone will appear demanding food/hw help/money and she gets squashed into the carpet. I imagine that if life was less hectic I'd get more visits from her....

Thats the thing, yes the older ones help with the younger ones sometimes but they also argue, have 4 times as much washing, more cleaning etc

And as for playing together.... well DD and DS1 are usually OK, DS1 and DS2 are sometimes OK together, DD and DS2 usually end up trying to kill each other. I think DS2 is the spanner...

YANBU. The practical work with 4 is of course much more - cooking, washing clothes, etc.

BUT I have 4 and tbh some parents with just 1 do stress about every little thing and try often too hard to make everything perfect. I know I did when I only had one. With 4 you become a bit more mehh about it.

Maybe if you have two they can play and entertain each other for a bit

1 might want loads of attention and play with mummy?

I say this as a
Clingy only child who calls my mother twice a day

I agree with one some parents try and be perfect and with more you relax, so used to have children around etc. I suppose I'm just offended, possibley wrongly that someone could make such a statement when on a practical level at least my work levels are massive in comparrison.

Yanbu morebabies. Even if she thinks so(why??), actually saying it to someone with 4 dc is the last person to be starting that conversation with . 4 times the homework, washing, cooking, bathing....aargh!

What was your reply btw??