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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Having one child is not harder than having more?

88 replies

morebabiesmorework · 01/02/2012 12:24

Friend recently decided to tell me why having one child was harder than me having 4. Friends child has no special needs/not a single parent/ child same age as my youngest.

AIBU to think she is talking crap? Shock

OP posts:
morebabiesmorework · 01/02/2012 17:53

She did give me reasons, let me see if I can remember, you focus more on 1, you have to play with them more, you worry if you are doing this that right, you have no siblings to help/play together......

OP posts:
4madboys · 01/02/2012 17:55

i dont know ihave certainly found it easier the more children i have, i hve 5 now and i found it very hard when i only had ds1, but he was a high maintenance baby! they do entertain each other, but there is more housework to be done, masses of laundry adn the older they get the more running around and sorting out of clubs, homework etc there is. i wouldnt change it for the world tho.

i think it depends on the kind of person you are and the personalities of your children tbh

ArielNonBio · 01/02/2012 18:07

Hmm back atcher.

loobylu3 · 01/02/2012 18:29

Nothing wrong with your friend's reasons, OP but she is being a bit naive to think that four children always entertain each other, play beautifully together, etc (siblings are different to friends, cousins, etc). Plus she seems to have chosen to ignore all the things that are harder with four!
As a parent you cope better with more experience, i.e. you cope better with the second child than with the first because you know what to expect, etc and are more relaxed having done it before. That isn't the same as saying the two/ three/ four children are easier than one. It is just that the parent has learnt how to deal with the demands of parenthood better.

'Parenting 3 with help from your own parents/PILs/siblings etc, and a wide circle of your and DC friends (and possibly a SAH parent) is quite different to parenting 1 child with poss special needs, 2 fulltime stressful jobs, one of which involves working overseas periodically, living 160 miles away from practical family support. Amounts of money once bills are paid, amounts of physical and mental support, amounts of time to get things done, distances in commutes to work/school/shops etc, amount of interaction the DC's need - all of these can vary drastically and can fall on the plus or minus side of the argument - regardless of numbers of kids.

Can't disagree with this in principle, biddy but we aren't comparing one family with masses of support, easy jobs, etc with another with v demanding jobs and no support. In your case above, it is the external circumstances which are making parenting a challenge, not the one child.

Whatmeworry · 01/02/2012 18:30

There is a big difference between one and two, less between 2 and more - but still more work.

molly3478 · 01/02/2012 18:35

I only have 1 but pregnant with second and think 1 is very easy, I dont think it will be bad at all with 2 either but I am used to being around children constantly.

SilentBoob · 01/02/2012 18:45

I have 2.

I often think how much harder it would be with just one because my 2 entertain each other constantly.

I don't think 4 would be easier still though.

JosieZ · 01/02/2012 18:50

Friends with one older DS have just visited from the US. Mother said DS was very difficult child - he has just started uni after they visited 10 for him to look at and choose from! And visiting in the US means flying from one end of the country to the other.

Jeesh.

Once you have several DCs it is impossible to do all the time intensive travelling to eg sports training clubs/ different brownies/cubs/scouts, restaurants/shopping trips etc . Life has to become simpler but parents of one probably still carry on with all this stuff. Hence life is harder.

girlsyearapart · 01/02/2012 19:02

Yanbu but it's true that when you're left with only one it's heaven but when you only had one you never realised how easy it was!

Having said that 3 was hard work until we had number 4...

marriedinwhite · 01/02/2012 20:15

My mother had one and only one. That's because she didn't like being a parent and I was largely delegated to my adorable grandparents. She found it hard and never enjoyed it. She cannot relate to the fact that all I ever wanted was to be a mother - neither can she relate to the fact that there is more to do, much more with two than one and one's attention is divided. I never found it hard though as in difficult or unpleasant because I was doing exactly what I wanted to do.

malinois · 01/02/2012 20:15

YANBU. We have one and it's going to stay that way as we have seen how hard it gets with more! There are no economies of scale with children.

miaowmix · 01/02/2012 20:21

I have one and frankly, especially now she's at school, it's a piece of piss Grin.
(It was much harder when she was a baby though.)

4madboys · 01/02/2012 20:34

"Once you have several DCs it is impossible to do all the time intensive travelling to eg sports training clubs/ different brownies/cubs/scouts, restaurants/shopping trips etc . Life has to become simpler but parents of one probably still carry on with all this stuff. Hence life is harder." no its not impossible to do those things, we have 5 and we still do it all, it takes more organisation and lots of running around and it is hard work but it is still done, life doesnt become simler at all, i have just got better at organising!

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