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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you shouldn't read the work of other kids at parents evening

126 replies

nowittynickname · 30/01/2012 22:34

You know how usually at parents evening the kids' trays are out on the tables for you to have look through whilst waiting for your appointment with the teacher? Well I'd always naively assumed that you were only supposed to look through the tray of your own child. A friend of mine mentioned that she looks through the work (exercise books etc) of children other than her own in order to compare. Tbh I was really shocked - is it me? Does everyone else actually do this & I didn't realise? She (and others I've talked to) didn't think it was any different to work being on the wall. Is it?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 22:37

No, the work trays are put out for the parents of their own child at our school. I wouldn't have the brass neck to go through anyone else's books/work.

It is different if it's displayed on the walls imo.

thepeoplesprincess · 30/01/2012 22:38

I agree. My dds are both too young to have anything personal/private in their work books so I'd have no issue with anyone reading them just for the joy of it, but not to make snotty comparisons. Not on.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 30/01/2012 22:38

I wouldn't dream of looking at anyone else's work! I dont think I've ever had the chance now I think about it, but I just wouldn't. I've been to "shows" where the whole classes projects have been on display, and make a point of admiring them all whilst secretly knowing MY DCs is the very BEST and Far Superior to anyone elses but I wouldn't go through books or anything like that. Not sure why it's "wrong" but I just feel it is

ramblinrose · 30/01/2012 22:39

In my opinion it IS different to work being on the wall.
I've never done it. I'm amazed to hear that some people do!

workshy · 30/01/2012 22:39

we don't get to see them before the appt, they get shoved under our nose for a minute while the teacher explains the marking

OlympicEater · 30/01/2012 22:40

For a minute I thought you were talking about work displayed on the walls which I always like to look at.

But at people nosing through other children's books

Salmotrutta · 30/01/2012 22:40

As a parent I'd never have dreamt of looking at other childrens work - how rude and intrusive.

And as a teacher (Secondary) I certainly don't share information about other people's children with parents.

Odd behaviour on the part of your friend - and very "entitled" to think it's OK to do this.How would she feel if someone was nosying through her DCs work? And possibly passing comment?

RastyNash · 30/01/2012 22:41

not sure why but i think it is wrong! why would they want to except to compare. But is that wrong, oh im not sure. On the fence me!

BehindLockNumberNine · 30/01/2012 22:41

I bet she goes through the bookbags of friends her dc have brought for tea 'just to see what reading level they are on'.

I would never look at another tray. Firstly there is never time (I arrive for parents eve at the last minute) and secondly I am not really interested who is doing worse / better than dd (and thirdly there are always other parents there who would know I am not looking at dd's tray )

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 22:43

I can't imagine what the parents would have thought if they'd read my DS3's work when he was in yr 1.

They were asked to write all about their Mums and he'd written "My Mum is cuddly, loving and kinky "

I took the work (red faced) to the teacher and she told me it said 'kindly'

Himalaya · 30/01/2012 22:44

I do look, to compare DS's work with others and see how far behind he is and whether there are others working at his level.

Salmotrutta · 30/01/2012 22:44

Rasty - no fence-sitting required!
You don't poke about in stuff that has nowt to do with you. Fact.

This is not like posters on a wall or a display.

TrinityRhino · 30/01/2012 22:46

no way is this normal or ok

you are definitely not supposed to read anyones else

its only out in front of everyone because they need to give you time to read it

but you don't do that

Bewilderedmum · 30/01/2012 22:46

No! that is not on. At all. My kids have terrible handwriting - ds1 has an alphasmart now due to mild dyspraxia, and I would be mortified if I thought some fecker was pawing grubbily and furtively through their books to make themself feel smug!

They are both very bright, and doing well, despite struggling with handwriting skills, but the thought of some unknown parent rifling through their books, and judging them - just - no.

Original poster

nowittynickname · 30/01/2012 22:46

Himalaya - would you mind other people looking at your DS's?

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 30/01/2012 22:47

Really Himalaya?

So when it comes to Secondary are you going to ask about class exam results etc. and how your son compares.
Becuase if you were sitting in front of me at Parent's Night and asked stuff like that I'd be telling you I would only discuss your son's work/test results etc.

Nineflowers · 30/01/2012 22:47

I used to be a teacher so learned the art of reading upside down.

Use it now at Parents' Evening, to read across the other kids' grades when the teacher is talking about my own kids' and reading from a register style list of grades, as they inevitably do... That way I have a proper sense of where they are, compared to others, and cut through the blather.

I'll also look at their friends' work.

Salmotrutta · 30/01/2012 22:50

Nineflowers - I use individual little sheets for each pupil (cut up print outs from the tracking and monitoring) and make damn sure no-one can see another pupil's stuff.

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/01/2012 22:50

Himolaya why not just ask their teacher generally how they are doing in relation to the rest of the class? It's so rude and downright nosy to rifle through other children's work

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/01/2012 22:51

Himalaya stupid iPhone

TrinityRhino · 30/01/2012 22:51

nineflowers
I can read up side down and I've never been a teacher, though everyone could

I do read the notes the teacher has in front of her about MY child but never anyone else's child

Feminine · 30/01/2012 22:52

Wow! I'd never do it.

I am shocked to read people do.

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/01/2012 22:53

I'm stunned how ridiculously competitive/insecure some parents really are it's so sad

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2012 22:56

If you feel the need to compare work, then why not look at the work that is publicly displayed?

TheFallenMadonna · 30/01/2012 22:56

I would say instead Nineflowers that you are missing the point. When your DC list their exam results on an application form, it's only their results they'll list, not the rest of their class.

I had to ask for DS's books from another parent at parents' evening. She had the grace to look at least mildly abashed.

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