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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you shouldn't read the work of other kids at parents evening

126 replies

nowittynickname · 30/01/2012 22:34

You know how usually at parents evening the kids' trays are out on the tables for you to have look through whilst waiting for your appointment with the teacher? Well I'd always naively assumed that you were only supposed to look through the tray of your own child. A friend of mine mentioned that she looks through the work (exercise books etc) of children other than her own in order to compare. Tbh I was really shocked - is it me? Does everyone else actually do this & I didn't realise? She (and others I've talked to) didn't think it was any different to work being on the wall. Is it?

OP posts:

HoneyandHaycorns · 30/01/2012 22:58

No, it isn't ok to nose into other children's books. I am surprised that anyone could argue otherwise.

Original poster

nowittynickname · 30/01/2012 23:00

Hmm. I can go to bed happy - MN agrees with me. I'll make sure to pass it on to my friend!
(Madonna - )

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 30/01/2012 23:02

at FallenMadonna - I hope you gave her a Death Stare and demanded her DCs books!

BehindLockNumberNine · 30/01/2012 23:02

I can read upside down too [shrug]
And write upside down.

Won't waste the 7 minutes I get with the teacher to read other children's results upside down, instead I spend it listening to the teacher talking about my dd.

Surely that is what parent's evening is about?

I don't need to know how dd's classmates are doing at school. I know which sets she is in for maths and literacy, I know roughly how she is doing within those sets thanks to parents' evening.

I don't need to know that Esme is further ahead or Johhny somewhat below dd. It is not their education I am concerned with.

MotherAbigail · 30/01/2012 23:03

I am ridiculously competitive. And nosy. I have always wanted to sneak a look but have never done so as it just doesn't seem right.

PatFenis · 30/01/2012 23:06

Another parent looking at your childs work? Bizarre!! Unless of course they have concerns about their own childs educational developement which I can sort of understand - but even so, its a big no no in my book, very rude!

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2012 23:07

It isn't right and I hope the teacher spots her doing it.
A child's work is only supposed to be looked at by their own parents unless it's displayed on the wall.

manicinsomniac · 30/01/2012 23:07

Wow, I didn't know some schools still put all the books out in trays - I remember preparing my tray for parents evening and lining it up with the others when I was at primary school - so much hype about which was the neatest of your books to put on top and whether you should accidentally 'lose' a book etc.

I can see the temptation to look at another child's but I never would - mainly because I'd worry about other parents noticing though.

I see how my children compare to others all the time because I teach in their school - one of the downsides in some ways. But then, at our school, the progress reports not only give your child's average mark but they give the class/set average too! I think it's crazy but it's what the parents want.

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/01/2012 23:09

I'm quite happy for my kids to be themselves whether it's bright or not bright, whether little cuthbert up the road is cleverer or whether Tracy over the way is still only on pink reading books. Happy kids are far more important than keeping up with the Joneses

Bewilderedmum · 30/01/2012 23:11

Eau - absolutely!

Himalaya · 30/01/2012 23:44

No I wouldn't mind others looking through his work. if they feel smug then so be it. Doesn't really bother me. I can't say I remember whose work is whose - I just look at the spread of ability.

I think it is different from the poetry, drawings and projects etc.. they put up on the wall which are obviously 'best'

In my older DS's secondary school they put up anonymous examples of A,B,C,D,E grade gCSE work with labels explaining why this work got this grade. I think it is quite fair enough for kids and parents to ask what does excellent, average and poor work look like at this level?

spingey · 30/01/2012 23:55

Ooops, I did this last parents evening. In my defence I have never been to parents evening before, ds is in reception and I didnt really know what I was doing. There were all these trays set out in the waiting area, none of which were ds's so I just assumed they put them out for parents to get an understanding of the work the class had been doing, there wasnt much in them as they had only been in school a few weeks.

Was interesting to see actually if Im honest. Ds is very behind the other children. and even though he has been in school 4 months he still cant write his name. I didnt realise how much extra help he needed untill that point. He is a brilliant drawer though and he is slowly catching up with the others in his class.

toutlemonde · 31/01/2012 00:02

I agree that it's intrusive and rude to look at other kids work that isn't on display, but I don't agree with the nasty motivation being ascribed to parents interested in where their child is in relation to others their age - that seems pretty normal to me, no need to assume it's insecure / smug / competitive... Especially if its your oldest DC, its hard to know if they're on track, behind, ahead without anything to compare to.

ReneeVivien · 31/01/2012 00:10

I WOULD love to look at other children's workbooks! But I never would, very poor manners.

However, I think it's entirely possible that some parents don't know the etiquette and are genuinely interested, not aware that they're not supposed to.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 31/01/2012 00:13

I used to have a little look at other kids work, only of kids I knew their parents wouldn't mind. This was to compare but not in a snooty way. My DS2 has fine motor skill problems and his primary school, although fantastic in many ways, would always tell me how great he was doing and that 'his handwriting was not really an issue'. DS1 and 2 also have social and emotional issues (ds1 aspergers, ds2 adhd with asd traits), so I always wondered how they got on in english, with story writing etc, for the same reason. As it turns out it was a good idea because both of them where seriously behind by secondary school. DS1( now 19) caught up without any extra support but DS2 has to have 1:1 tuition at school, although only year 8. If I had believed school, I would not have been able to be proactive when they hit high school.

mynewpassion · 31/01/2012 00:29

OP, if I were you, I wouldn't leave my mail, checkbook, or bank statements around when your friend is at your house or she will be snooping at them.

Himalaya · 31/01/2012 07:40

Well, I'm clearly in the minority, but I never realised it wasn't 'the done thing'. At infant school when they used to have open classroom evenings they used to have table displays of "our maths work", "our literacy work" which included stacks of books from the whole class.

Do you not have those?

I did not think it rude or intrusive to look at other's work and for others to look at my kid's. What's confidential? Or shameful? I don't get it.

ragged · 31/01/2012 07:51

I will brass neck & browse anything on public view (easy to see without touching it). Would not open someone else's notebooks.

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:54

I don't even understand why you would want to Himalaya.
There is plenty of public work around on walls and class books etc.
As a teacher it has never occurred to me that parents would do it. As a parent I can't see that another child's maths book has any relevance.

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:55

If I was on an adult course I wouldn't leaf through an adults folder unless they invited me to-why are a DC's exercise books different?

StrandedBear · 31/01/2012 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:59

It is like looking in another DCs book bag-an insecure parent.

Jamillalliamilli · 31/01/2012 08:12

Himalaya you clearly haven?t been on the receiving end of being the mother with the child whose books were gone through as bottom end of ability and passed around for middle class gossips to suggest that it?s the home environment causing delay. (cheeky cows!) It's incredibly isolating and painful to be that parent, especially when you?re already failing to improve their social situation.

I never minded other parents with SN children wanting to compare, but frankly why would parents with high achieving children need to look at my poor child?s difficulties with his work?
(And it always was those parents)

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 08:17

Insecurity JustGettingOnWithIt-it makes them feel better.

Himalaya · 31/01/2012 08:19

Exotic -

There is generally no maths work on the walls. Also the work on the walls doesn't tell you how long it took.

When I look at an exercise in my son's book that's one piece of information, but when I see that other children in the class wrote two sides where he write three sentences, that is useful context.

Similarly when I look at his topic work and see that it has 3 pieces of work in it, that one piece of information, but when I see that other kids have done 6 pieces I can see what topic material he is missing out on because he is in intensive reading group - so at least we can talk about those subject areas at home.

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