to think you shouldn't read the work of other kids at parents evening

[nowittynickname]

You know how usually at parents evening the kids' trays are out on the tables for you to have look through whilst waiting for your appointment with the teacher? Well I'd always naively assumed that you were only supposed to look through the tray of your own child. A friend of mine mentioned that she looks through the work (exercise books etc) of children other than her own in order to compare. Tbh I was really shocked - is it me? Does everyone else actually do this & I didn't realise? She (and others I've talked to) didn't think it was any different to work being on the wall. Is it?

I've got a DC in reception, so no experience of this, but I wouldn't think twice about having a rootle through all the books.

There would be no malicious intent in comparison, I would just like to be better informed about the overall standard excpected of the DCs.

I'm assuming the books are all out on the table. I suggest people who are horrified by the idea of random parents looking at their DCs work get the teacher to write a notice to display on the table to state that parents are requested only to examine the work of their own child.

It wouldn't occur to me not to look at whatever books were laid out on the table.

IMO the moms that look down their noses are the ones with average achievers.

We have high achieving kids. We have friends with high achieving kids. When we meet up, we don't discuss how well our kids are doing compared to others or how slow x is. We talk about what our respective DCs are doing at school, comparing experiences, getting study tips.

One rung down are the mums who consiously/subconciously know that their DC is average and aren't going to set the world on fire so they need to dump on someone in order to make themselves feel superior.

No one has said that the OP's friend was looking down her nose.

She was comparing. That doesn't mean making a value judgement about anyone elses child, just seeing where her child fitted within the class.

God - I think I would....just to check PFB was doing the best

He's only 9 weeks old so I may get a grip on myself before he goes to school, but I am always comparing him to other babies and being proud at how much more gorgeous, funny, advanced, cute, big, funny he is

That's normal right............???? :)

Nagoo - I was responding to a poster who went on about how her child had problems and that the moms of the high achieving kids were looking down on her. :)

I agree meditrina urge to compare your eldest is almost irresistible, because of the unknown that is to come in their long educational journey.
Long haul indeed, how insignificant it becomes what my five year old could do in Y1, now he is seventeen in amidst A levels, they all get there in their own time.
No, I would not be looking at other children books, purely because I have no interest in How others in my DS's class are doing?, I know my DC is doing fine and that is all I need to know.
Only comparison I do occasinaly make is between my two, in terms what they could do at the same age, put it this way, younger DC is bit of doughnut and aloof to say at least in comparison to the older one at the age of five, but hey What can you do?
You can't compare siblings in term of "achievement", What good is it to compare two children of a different genetic make up?
Defies belief

I think it depends on how well your children are doing.

I knew that dd was doing really well since she started in Reception so I never looked at other children's work.

Ds2 is an August born Y1. A quick look at books (especially of children in his ability group) is reassuring as the school are very cagey about his strengths and weaknesses. If he was struggling in his group I'm not sure that the school would tell me and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't draw attention to the fact that he was struggling by misbehaving.

At our current school they don't put everyone's written work on the walls so there isn't a subtle way to gauge how our child is doing. My youngest in particular is a reluctant writer and if he was radically behind then I'd want to know so I could support him.

My ds in yr1 is doing really well for his age (from what I can gather) but if I knew someone had looked through his books I would be a bit as it's an invasion of privacy and rude.

I don't think it matters how well your dc are doing at school, it's still personal and no one else's business!

It's different if the work is on display on the wall of course.

I strongly disagree we parents should be lurking into other children's books, not for any high moral stands and reasons, but for a fact there is nothing to be gained from doing so.
If I am too look into X's book perhaps I would realise that X is a excellent writer, or Y is very good at art, but that in itself would still be a very small fragment of the whole picture, X and indeed Y will probably have weak areas that needs work, but I would not gather that information just by looking at their books thus I would end up with a very distorted view of their abilities.
In relation to my child above supposed experience can be counter productive, damaging making me put my DC under unnecessary pressure.
Flicking through other children work in secrecy can only produce negative emotions of inadequacy, failure, jealousy and so on, it serves no purpose.
If it did have a purpose we parents would be encouraged by teachers to look at all books on the table, not only our DC's IMO.

Well those that do like a good nose look through books that aren't their own-it won't be an option at High School.

I would never do it, as I have no interest in what other kids are achieving. I wouldn't mind if other parents looked at my ds's work, and in fact know that they have done. He is moved up a few years at school in lots of subjects and is sometimes regarded with curiosity.

I would like to share my experience of the ultimate pushy/ insecure parent though.

Ds used to go to an outstanding school full of very involved parents. One parents evening I saw a mum writing down the names of the children in the ability groups, for later comparison at home presumably, while dad was(trying) surreptitiously to add the marks up in the shaded boxes at the back of the other children's exercise books up to guage their sats level. Now that, to me is sad.

I can understand how parents of children with additional needs would like to compare their child's work with classmates, but often it is people do it to secretly gloat.

No, it's not on at all, but some people are nosy bastards. Some people look through other kid's book bags when their kids friends come round straight after school. It's like reading a diary someone's left lying around, you either instinctively know not to do this or you don't.

I honestly wouldn't dare.

Yes Sparklingbrook, they will have other worries common to teenage hood to recon with, looking at other pupils books will be the least of their problems

You have children at High School then strict?

Mostly I would say no, it's not really the done thing to nosy in other DC's books. However I will confess to doing it once at the last parents evening I attended before I moved my DS to a new school.

My reasoning for this is because I realised he was way behind and the teachers tend to talk only in terms of personal targets and not where they are compared to class/national average. I wanted a grasp on what an average year 6 childs work might look like so I could gauge for myself how much input was needed.

It's not something I would do as standard but I actually found it helpful as it provided a rough benchmark as to how much DS was struggling. If you are not a teacher and your eldest child has SEN it can be hard to get a handle on what is average. I remember being utterly thrilled when he read his first Beast Quest book in Year 5 only to realise a couple of weeks later that plenty of Year 2 DC were reading them quite happily .

Yes "had" here being operative word, as result I am a mummy with non existent nerves, and not because I was flicking too much through other children books, put it that way.
I am sure you know the game

I have...not gone into a tray or drawer, but I assumed that's why all the books were spread out on the table.
So all the science books were together with some experiments... I looked at ds2's book, then looked at the boy he partnered. I thought it was really helpful, as Ds2 has some SN's and I could see just have far below average he was.
Ah well.... won't do that again.

I wouldn't look through books, but I'm shocked at how many of you say you aren't even curious about where your child is in relation to the class. Really, honestly? You have no interest in whether your child is developing at the expected speed for their age? Or whether they spend their days listening to things going over their heads, or being explained too slowly for them? Or even whether they are putting in the expected effort or not?

You must all be very assured of yourselves, the teacher, the school, all the other kids and your own child's progress and fit within the class. Lucky you.

The teacher will tell me if DS isn't keeping up. DS tells me which set he is in for Numeracy and Literacy. I have no interest where he is in relation to 30 other children.

I would and have looked in book bags but not in the drawers on parents eve as there are others parents around. It's because I am nosey and insecure.

Why would I want to know how is my DC doing in the relation to their classmates?
It is a small class and in our case would not paint an accurate picture, most of the teachers will tell you even if you have to ask, how is your child performing in relation to KS, so there is no reason for comparison within the class.
Again, it serves no purpose.
Child can confidently sit at the top table, be considered to be top of the class, but only of that class, and fall into very average sometimes below average compared to National Average.
And as for the speed of development, who is their to say that they all have to develops at the same time within one class, children develop within great time variations, just because little John can read at the age of five fluently, it doesn't mean that little Sam won't read just as good at the age of seven and catch up with John big time.
There is healthy interest in you child development, one that makes allowances, and there is an obsessive one that is unhealthy "pushy" and borders with lunacy.

I don't care exactly how their classmates are doing - it just gives me a context, and cuts through the blarney. I've been a teacher and done parent evenings and know how meaningless much of it is. That said, my kids' teachers - both primary and secondary - have known us for years so know I used to teach, so they tend to be extremely blunt and honest anyway, in a way they aren't with other parents, as I will just say "Cut to the chase". But I definitely do read other kids' grades upside down, as to say a kid is getting Bs - and the teacher says they're doing OK... if you don't know what the others are getting, then how do you know if they need to work harder or not?

Ask my kids though and they would tell you I'm the least competitive parent in the world. I don't actually care how other kids are doing - just want the framework to understand my own.

All this holier than thou "I'd never look" stuff isn't fooling me. Of course you look! Why wouldn't you? And does it even matter anyway?

My oldest son was always highly motivated and never needed a push from me. He achieved all he's achieved solely on his own. That doesn't mean I wasn't interested in him, or ambitious for him, but looking at other kids' work was to give myself an understanding, nothing more.

Can I ask why people think it's so different looking at other kids work on the wall? (other than the question of implied confidentiality)

I mean - do you only look at your own child's work and view the rest of the class with complete disinterest?

It's quite possible to see different levels of ability in work on display - although it tends to focus only on creative writing, art and humanities.

Nineflowers I can, hand on heart say I have never looked.

Himalaya I may be doing it wrong but when I look at stuff on the walls I only want to look at what DS has done and I do view the rest of the class with disinterest,