to think you shouldn't read the work of other kids at parents evening

[nowittynickname]

You know how usually at parents evening the kids' trays are out on the tables for you to have look through whilst waiting for your appointment with the teacher? Well I'd always naively assumed that you were only supposed to look through the tray of your own child. A friend of mine mentioned that she looks through the work (exercise books etc) of children other than her own in order to compare. Tbh I was really shocked - is it me? Does everyone else actually do this & I didn't realise? She (and others I've talked to) didn't think it was any different to work being on the wall. Is it?

I suggest that you ask the teacher Himalaya-the whole purpose of the evening.
I think that teachers are naive, like me, it would never cross my mind that parents would look in other DCs private trays.

Himalaya I do understand why you want to, and what you?re trying to do, (you?ll end up home ed if you carry on!) but if you're not confident that the teacher can/will give you a true picture and support to keep up (if applicable) it would be better to just ask another parent with a known 'average' child if they'd mind you taking a look.

I think it's fair to say most parents are going to misconstrue your actions if they see you going through other childrens books.

That's awful!

Work on the wall is for everyone to look at, but a child's own exercise books are for them, their parents and the teacher.

I feel sorry for teachers who have to deal with parents like this. Their job is to deal with the kids, not wrangling idiot parents who have no idea what is appropriate.

My jaw just dropped. Thats bad!! Why does she need to "compare"? All children work differently. Oh god she's probably one of "those" mums who stand gossiping about everybody elses children.

I have never done it or even been tempted, but I can kind of see why you would want to.

I have 2 children. One does well at school and I would have no interest in seeing the work of his peers. The other struggles and it is her peers' work I would be interested in. School always reassure me that there is no problem and I simply don't believe them, but how can I tell? Looking at the work of other children would give me a better insight into whether dd needs help or not. I think this is in line with what other parents have said here - it is not done out of a need to see how fantastic your child is but to determine the level of problems they have. If schools were able to be more honest, perhaps parents wouldn't feel like this.

if you do happen to see something, any comment should be along the lines of 'ooh, look what a nice piece of work by your DS/DD, how lovely!'

i looked at others work on the wall, and my daughters is Very Behind! never mind..she's only ikkle. i think it would be slightly rude to draw comparisons outloud.

It depends I think. It truly wouldn't bother me if someone looked through my dc work. But maybe that's because their work is usually reasonably close to the top end, if they were struggling maybe I'd feel different.

If a mom went to my DC's drawers to look at his work I would think 'weird' as opposed to 'rude'. But if it is laid out on a table with others, I don't see what the fuss is about.

I don't look at other kids work only because I don't care about where they are compared to mine.

Years ago when DS1 started in Reception, I know of one Mum who would invite other children round for tea and root through their book bags. Then she would 'play schools' and see how bright other children were compared to hers.

I'm not surprised it happens - I was shocked when one parent casually mentioned reading another child's home-school contact book when the child came round to tea. At least I now know that you should never write anything private in these books.

And yes, it is completely wrong. YANBU to think this.

I don't really see the problem, though I don't get the setup for this to arise. Small kids "work", its not exactly covered by intellectual property rights, 30 almost identical pages on bats or whatever.

I can't imagine anyone would be remotely interested in other childrens work, but I couldn't care less if everyone read my kids.

To the parents who consider it a major contravention of acceptable norms :) is it because your child is near the bottom of the class?

In other threads I noticed various posters getting wound up about the particular topic in hand and as the thread continues it becomes apparent that some personal baggage is involved.

My kids are at the top of their class so if mums want to look at my kids work I would consider it a complement. However, if mine had terrible handwriting or couldn't spell or ... or ... then I probably would make a bit deal out of another parent looking at their work

If your kid isn't near the bottom then you obviously have too little going on in your life that you are prepared to spend a morning complaining about a non-event

I wouldn't dream of looking through anyone elses's books. I'm really not interested in any other kid's work than my own.

I of course talking about looking at school work laid out on the table at Parent's Evening as opposed to going into another child's bag or draw.

.... which is clearly not acceptable

We go into the class where DS will have put his drawer on the desk where he sits. I sit in his uncomfortable small chair and go through the books in his drawer.

Justgettingonwithit - My child is at the bottom of the written ability scale (or at least in the bottom group). You can see that from work on the walls too. I don't know if parents of high achievers look at his work and feel smug or conclude that I must be a bad parent. If they do it's ignorance on their part, but no reason to hide his work.

I just hadnt thought of this stuff as confidential like medical notes. I wouldn't read a teacher's notes about another child but kids look at each others books, mark each others work etc...all the time. My DH at Uni has to read out his work etc...

I see from this thread that people do feel their DCs schoolwork is confidential, so I won't look again.

Exotics - I have enough to talk to the teacher as it is - we don't really have a lot of time to go over what he has missed on Isaac Newton, haiku poetry etc... I suspect if I asked the teacher they might even end up taking out the work of some of the other children to show me some of the topic work he has missed. Or would that be breaking confidence?

our school puts a notice up asking you to only read your childs books. Personally it doesn't bother me if anyone reads DS's and I'm always interested to read their DC's (if they offer). Doesn't change anything, my DS is what he is and I work with that, reading what someone else DC is doing doesn't change that.

But I don;t read them because we're asked not to.

which is kinda what Himalaya said!

I wouldn't look at anything that wasn't on obvious public display (like work on walls).

I think the urge to compare is strongest with your eldest, as at that stage you know so much less about how children progress through school, and I certainly had less understanding of how it's a long haul and the amount of variation on that journey.

..and i'd never go through some other kid's book bag or read their home-school communication book

IMO it's not even useful to compare your child's work with others (except for uber competitive reasons). All that tells you is how your child is doing compared to their current peer group and not how they are doing against the norm for their age.

DD is the best reader in her class. Had she been in DS's class she would have been slightly above average. If I was simply measuring her against her peers I might have come to the conclusion that I was harbouring a reading genius - much more useful that I realise she is doing well but not exceptional.

Actually I was feeling really pleased one parent's evening at how much better DD was writing (steadier handwriting and more variety of sentences). Then the next page was a description of her sister. Oops - DD has brothers. I'd picked up the work of the other girl in the class with the same name by mistake

I think this is completely out of order and also a bit pointless. How do you know the ability level of the child whose work you are looking at? You would have to look at a pretty large sample to get any kind of picture of where your child was.

I would probably think someone was thoroughly weird if I found them looking through my young child's work and I would be quite amused, but not angry. I would probably take it a bit more seriously when they were older as some school work touches on issues that children feel strongly about. For example, if a teacher asked the class to write about bereavement, you might have pupils writing about the death of a parent or sibling, something very sensitive to them. They would be writing it in the expectation that the teacher would see it, but they might not like the idea of any random parent nosying through it and might be quite upset at the possibility of it being mentioned to their classmates.

When I was at junior school they often read out pieces of work in class or even school assembly if they were considered unusually good, but the teacher always asked the child first if it was OK to share it.