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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did schools used to be like this?

330 replies

spiderslegs · 30/01/2012 20:58

DS started school FT in January & ever since it's been a constant stream of missives, announcements, edicts & raised brow questioning from his teacher.

The first week he was there I had a constant battle with his teacher because I was sending him to school with a padded body warmer on, not a coat, every day she asked me if he 'has a coat, because we play out every day, even when it's drizzling' & yes, you do, but not WHEN IT'S PISSING DOWN. In which case his arms will get slightly damp, as will his legs & face, how would you like me to mitigate against that, full dry suit & mask?

It was warmish & sunny, biblical floods were not on the horizon .

Consequently, EVERY CHUFFING DAY it's been something, last week was battle of the drinks, they have a school issued water bottle (irritating in itself) which I sometimes put in, he has milk at break & a drink for lunch, I was taken aside twice for not giving him a drink - I had he just didn't arsing drink it, maybe they should have asked him to look in his bag again?

Would you like me to pop in a few times a day to ensure he has fulfilled his government recommended level of fluid intake - WOULD YOU?

On Friday the lovely mum that drops him off sheepishly told me teacher asked her to mention she did NOT LIKE HIS SHOES, they are difficult to do up apparently - I'm sorry, I'll get him some M&S footgloves shall I?

Today's final straw was the letter from the eco-co-ordinator that asked me to reduce waste in his lunch box & that they would be speaking to the children about waste in their lunches THEN COLLECTING & COMPARING THAT WASTE - so you'd like to make my son feel like a miscreant & social pariah because he has a Baby-bel rather than a dried up hunk of cheddar planed from a block would you???

So AIBU to want to run through the school screaming - 'I AM A FREE BORN HUMAN BEING - MY CHILDREN ARE FREE BORN HUMAN BEINGS - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TEACH THEM MATHS, & READING & SPELLING BUT LEAVE THE REST OF IT TO ME PLEASE'

Am I ?

OP posts:
Dustinthewind · 31/01/2012 00:11

Well susan, maybe that's what happens when you leave it up to parents. I was a 70s schoolchild, three years in the Mediterranean and one in South Germany. My mum used to limit our exposure in the middle of the day and we covered up. Never has sunburn, despite all the swimming and sailing.
It's why we used to call the British tourists lobsters, pink and boiled in the sun

happybubblebrain · 31/01/2012 00:12

But we are not FREE HUMAN BEINGS.

Dustinthewind · 31/01/2012 00:12

We currently have three external fountains, but all it will take is a few parents wittering about cholera or cross infection and they will probably be shut down.

TrinityRhino · 31/01/2012 00:16

I also second happybubblebrain

probably why I don't wear shoes as much as the next person
I don't enjoy shoes sometimes and don't see why i should

but I 'get' the need for rules in schools that could seem weird unless you look at the big picture

my girls are very individual and think about things rather than being sheep

but they still have to take a coat, only have water in their bottle, don't take anything for snacks that have nuts in

take velcro trainers till I KNOW they can do laces quickly and easily

it just makes sense...you can't fight for individualism and non conformity all the time, its just silly then

blackeyedsusan · 31/01/2012 00:16

don't worry about the shoes until you need to replace them. just promise the teacher that you wil get velcro ones soon. they must need to be replaced soon anyway. mutter something about how you aer sure she will underrstand given the economic climate and all that... but do get ones he can do up himself next time.

30 reception kids, 60 shoes (buckles/laces) and 30 ties do not in any way stand in the way of getting to the loo for a pee and the staff room for a coffee, even when it is the other end of the school. hope that helps.

wet laces... yes... especially in schools with poorly draining troughs for urinals and boys who love to push each other in...

blackeyedsusan · 31/01/2012 00:20

burnt at school. during sports day opractice. fortunately, my mum was good at covering me up and ensurring I did not burn. red heads burn , even in march in the uk. suncream is a wonderful thing.

TrinityRhino · 31/01/2012 00:20

the other thing is each teacher I have had for my girls and that three girls who are 11,6 and 4 have been wonderful, they know my kids, they know me

why wouldn't I try to help them?

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 00:23

Great post from Dustinthewind at 21.21

Original poster
spiderslegs · 31/01/2012 01:03

Happy of course we are FREE HUMAN BEINGS.

We are.

I was born as such.

I WAS.

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 31/01/2012 03:42

Is DS your first? I think it's hard, as a parent, to get used to the idea when your child starts school that we are no longer make all the decisions. Most people get used to it, some pull their kids out and home school, some find a school which is more compatible with what they want for their kids (options 2 and 3 often have financial implications which is why most people go for 1).

Do other parents feel the same? If you are a particular free spirit you will probably resent the petty rules and instructions more than most but you can either spend your life being wound up or go for one of the other options above. I've done everything from home school through "alternative" indie school to very traditional, strict school. Ironically I find strict school (our current) easier in lots of ways. Do I agree with all the rules, no I don't, but everyone knows where they stand which takes a lot of the headaches out of things. Or maybe after three kids and so many years of dealing with schools I've just learnt not to sweat the small stuff.

foglike · 31/01/2012 03:53

I was in school in the 60's and never saw a water fountain.

Alligatorpie · 31/01/2012 04:09

I think YABU. As a kindergarten teacher, I don't have time to tie up 16 ( yes only 16 in my class!) pairs of shes several times a day. Surely you thought of that when buying school shoes for your child. How often do you tie them every day?

I am teaching my class independence and reponsibility and that means I don't go checking school bags for water bottles. If a child doesn't look in their bag, or doesn't have a water bottle, I have to send my TA to the cafeteria for a bottle of water ( that I usually end up paying for). We do have water coolers, but if you don't have a bottle, I have nothing to fill it into.

I don't understand your problem with an Eco lunch! Surely we should be doing everything we can to teach our children / students about saving the planet. Falls into the responsibility teaching I do.

Please do not bitch at your child's teacher when he can't read after 4 months of school. She is probably doing her best, trying to manage 30 kids, tying up shoes, listening to someone cry because they are wet, and dealing with parents who think they have the only student in the class.

Sorry if my post is harsh, I really should be lesson planning before work and am in a rush!

And as pp said, if you don't like the school rules, take him out and put him in another school. Home schooling sounds good to me too.

Original poster
spiderslegs · 31/01/2012 04:55

There aren't 30 children - there are 12, a teacher & two TAs, still, you're right. I am taking him out.

It's utter rubbish.

& I didn't bitch about reading - that's my job as much as yours.

OP posts:
SaraBellumHertz · 31/01/2012 06:10

YABU about the shoes, he can't tie laces so why would you send him in them?

And personally I don't think a body warmer is sufficient when it is either very cold or likely to rain even if in fact it doesn't - nothing wrong with being prepared and all.

I'm not even sure I understand the issue with the water - presumably the response is simply hat you did give him a drink Confused

lostboysfallin · 31/01/2012 06:21

THE BODYWARMER WAS AT THE START OF THE AUTUMN TERM, NOT JANUARY!

lostboysfallin · 31/01/2012 06:22

Just had to say !

littlemachine · 31/01/2012 06:43

It was in January - that's when the op said he started school.

EBDteacher · 31/01/2012 06:51

lostboysfallin the OP's DS only started in January?

I agree with the other teachers on this thread. He needs a proper coat, every day. If it's warm enough to play out without one he will not be made to wear it, he can play in his jumper. That is the class staff's decision at the time when they go out to play, not yours. He needs velcro shoes that he can do himself.

He needs water and yes, in the school regulation bottle if that is what they want. Ofsted would have a big problem with children not having access to water at all times. Fountains, where they are still left in schools, involve going out of class which is not ideal. Named water bottles in a crate by the sink is a good, practical solution which you should go along with.

The lunch box thing will be part of a wider school project. They are probably trying to get their Eco-School green flag, curse them!

Sounds to me the teacher is having to manage your readiness for school more than your DS's. It's about what he needs you know, not what you need?

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:23

The only way to get spiderlegs to understand is to give her a whole class of 4/5yr old everyday-it is very different from one DC at home (or even several DCs at home). They need to be independent and things need to be easy e.g. only have shoes laces if they can tie them.
I have known DC go to school in snow without even gloves. The whole school have been out having wonderful fun and some are in tears because they don't have warm coats, wellies or boots, hats, scarves and gloves and they are freezing! I can only assume that parents took them by car from centrally heated house to centrally heated school and thought they wouldn't be outside.

ragged · 31/01/2012 07:49

OP didn't start him in September (?I think) so they missed out on the whole transition-in period. It's one of the obvious drawbacks of deferring start. I'm not surprised she's having troubles.

Yes it's an institution with its own conventions. How to slot in is a learning curve. Some of us (me) see that as a plus side of school life. Others decide to Home-ed.

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:57

He started in January. DCs need more than body warmers in January, even if it is mild at 8.30am it can be freezing by 10.30pm.

exoticfruits · 31/01/2012 07:58

Sorry -10.30am! Blush

Step · 31/01/2012 08:24

Eco coordinator?

WTF?

Right ask for details of her private life, CO2 emissions from her car, ask to see inside her handbag for her personal items Christ on a bike...... that's a role?

I'd go the other way now and fill his bag with Capri Sun, cereal bars wrapped in plastic, I might even be tempted just to buy plastic disposable sandwich packing like shops use. Then I'd consider getting him Top Gear items slating enviironmentalists... but most of all I'd tell the coordinator to mind her own fucking business.

redskyatnight · 31/01/2012 08:31

DS does not like wearing a coat. However I make him take one to school every day.

His teacher insists he puts his coat on at playtime. After a couple of times of trying to explain he didn't need it, DS now puts his coat on and takes it off when the teacher is not looking . DS is 7. He's already worked out there are some things not worth arguing about.

littlepie · 31/01/2012 08:36

Do you really think the teacher wants to be chasing these things? Believe it or not most teachers just want to teach.

BUT the sad fact is many parents (not saying you are one of these OP) don't fulfil their responsibility in teaching the child the other "aspects" of life. That is why the rules/guidelines/legislation is in place.

For example many parents, for whatever reason, may not make their child environmentally aware about issues such as packaging and recycling. Other parents don't realise that dehydration can affect concentration etc.

Surely better that these things are covered by a caring, concerned teacher? Sounds as though they were only picking up on things they were concerned about.

If it's really getting on your nerves OP, just have a chat with teacher to explain how you feel. I am sure (if it were me) they would be mortified that their concern/care was being interpreted in this way.