Did schools used to be like this?

[spiderslegs]

DS started school FT in January & ever since it's been a constant stream of missives, announcements, edicts & raised brow questioning from his teacher.

The first week he was there I had a constant battle with his teacher because I was sending him to school with a padded body warmer on, not a coat, every day she asked me if he 'has a coat, because we play out every day, even when it's drizzling' & yes, you do, but not WHEN IT'S PISSING DOWN. In which case his arms will get slightly damp, as will his legs & face, how would you like me to mitigate against that, full dry suit & mask?

It was warmish & sunny, biblical floods were not on the horizon .

Consequently, EVERY CHUFFING DAY it's been something, last week was battle of the drinks, they have a school issued water bottle (irritating in itself) which I sometimes put in, he has milk at break & a drink for lunch, I was taken aside twice for not giving him a drink - I had he just didn't arsing drink it, maybe they should have asked him to look in his bag again?

Would you like me to pop in a few times a day to ensure he has fulfilled his government recommended level of fluid intake - WOULD YOU?

On Friday the lovely mum that drops him off sheepishly told me teacher asked her to mention she did NOT LIKE HIS SHOES, they are difficult to do up apparently - I'm sorry, I'll get him some M&S footgloves shall I?

Today's final straw was the letter from the eco-co-ordinator that asked me to reduce waste in his lunch box & that they would be speaking to the children about waste in their lunches THEN COLLECTING & COMPARING THAT WASTE - so you'd like to make my son feel like a miscreant & social pariah because he has a Baby-bel rather than a dried up hunk of cheddar planed from a block would you???

So AIBU to want to run through the school screaming - 'I AM A FREE BORN HUMAN BEING - MY CHILDREN ARE FREE BORN HUMAN BEINGS - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TEACH THEM MATHS, & READING & SPELLING BUT LEAVE THE REST OF IT TO ME PLEASE'

Am I ?

I think the reason that secondary schools don't come up with 'nitpicking' rules is that parents and DCs know the score by then. They realise the DC is one of many and the DCs fit in, they don't want a parent fighting their corner to 'make them different ' and would die of embarrassment at the PFB stuff..
It is also back to the way I outlined earlier. You don't take your DC or collect-and if you do-you wait some distance in the car. They have meetings after school and if you want to speak to someone you need to phone.
You know what your DC tells you, in my case that was a lot with DS1, very little with DS2 and nothing at all with DS3.(depends on personality)
DCs can manage their shoes, if they get wet and cold they take the consequences and they are thought capable of sorting their own drinks.

DCs certainly know that you don't tell teachers to 'get a life'! (something that the parent should know and not call them 'a little darling' for doing-unless they are being extremely sarcastic.) I still wonder what sort of school it was if the teacher allowed the DC to get away with that remark.

Spiderlegs-you seem to miss the point that this was parent driven-parents asked for it.
You won't have had an Ofsted yet- but parents get a questionnaire about how approachable the school is, how well they communicate, how well they explain teaching methods etc.
They want at least 'good' so they need to tick the right boxes. They can hardly do that with your way of doing it! A constant moan is that maths has changed and people don't understand it.
They need to tick the right 'healthy boxes' and the right pastoral care boxes. I don't think that a 4 yr old shivering in the playground is good care so therefore they point out that in January you need a coat and not a body warmer.

So really, what you're saying exotic it that education has become a box-ticking exercise & I should just suck it up for the good of the Ofsted report?

Righto, now you've put it like that I see I was B totally U.

No feenie As I said my Dc went to school wearing the correct uniform.

He wasn't shivering in the playground, OP says it was warmish and sunny, which is why she chose the body warmer instead of one of his three coats.

You may not have had a letter about the shoes but surely it's common sense no to send your child to school in shoes he does not know how to tie?

As for the 'constant' invites well they're just that...invites, not court summonses.

Exactly spiderlegs! Call me old and cynical but I have had 3 DCs through the system and used to be a teacher!
I would only ever use an Ofsted as a rough guide. Choose a school by visiting on a normal day-if you are bothered about 'nitpicking' ask the right questions on the visit.
It is perfectly possible for a school to get a good Ofsted with the 'right' paper work-hence our local infant school having 'outstanding leadership' from a Head no one likes but who is brilliant at paperwork!

I am also correct that all changes are parent led. I have been to more meetings about homework that I care to remember and they get acrimonious -some think there is too much and some think too little. There is never agreement.

You're being ridiculous. You were asked to provide a coat in the rain why would you need to be told? All children are supposed to have a water bottle, that is standard, and the shoes thing sounds ok as well, if he struggles to change for P.E. What's your gripe, exactly?

I was answering this post of yours, duvetday:

duvetday Wed 01-Feb-12 10:49:09
exoticfruits
I was referring to petty rules as described the OP

Exotic - are you available on a consultancy basis?

I could do with someone like you!

I would agree with you feenie-I don't think there is anything petty about having the correct footwear-if spiderlegs was wasting time putting on 12 pairs of shoes she would have a word with parents! I also think that in January you need a coat-regardless of the weather first thing-it can change!

Also if spiderlegs thinks the school is nitpicking she should see what teachers have to put up with from nitpicking parents!

She should also see how much paperwork comes to the Head from government-whole rain forests must be lost! They settle down to one thing and before you know it it is all change and onto the next.

I didn't stop teaching because of the children-I stopped because every hour in the classroom needs an hour out, and there are not enough hours in the day.

I would have absolutely no problem at all with coats & shoes if somebody had written my a nice e-mail or letter & posted it to me before the start of term, out-lining such issues.

Don't try to tell us you didn't get any information before your child started school - everyone else does. You obviously didn't bother to read it. I suppose why would you, when you think you know everything. "Nice email" indeed. I think you need to grow up!

"maths is still exactly the same as far as I'm aware" That's your problem in a nutshell. You're not aware, and your ignorant, self-important attitude will be a barrier to your child's eduction. The teaching of maths has changed. There's a lot more problem-solving, less learning by rote. When your son needs help with his maths homework, and you're thinking "WTF does that mean?" you're going to be a lot of help to him, aren't you. All schools offer these sessions in my experience. But why would someone like you attend? You'd rather just blame the teacher, as though the curriculum is her personal choice, rather than blame yourself for turning down the chance to learn something about your child's education which will be useful to him.

If you want your him to be happy at school, and enjoy success rather than struggle miserably, you have to be able to help him. Your one-woman rebellion won't change the curriculum, but sadly it could damage your child's education.

You don't seem to have the faintest idea of what's required of you. You'd better wise up - you have years of state education ahead of you. You can mouth off about home educating all you like, but it's obvious you're far too wrapped up in yourself to attempt it.

I think that when you have had 3 through the system, Belle, you save your battles for the important stuff like options for GCSE, getting your dyslexic DC the necessary help-you don't get all upset about shoes in the reception class.
Choose a school that you like (if you can) and work with the staff-don't get a name for being 'difficult' or the staffroom joke. You need the staff on your side for the important things.
Be more laid back-roll your eyes a bit -but go with the flow.

If you can't stand it- HE -not something I would wish and my DSs got a lot out of school-there are plenty of good things too!

Right - I'm putting an end to the coat speculation once & for all, I sent my child to school in a body-warmer during his first week, it was not cold, it was warm & sunny & it was not going to & did not rain. I sent him to school in what I judged to be perfectly correct clothing for the prevailing weather conditions.

Which it was.

Today I sent him to school in a duffle coat, hat, scarf & gloves, as it's a bit nippy.

If it raining or looked like rain I would send him in his waterproof.

My point being, I am perfectly capable of judging what is correct attire for my child on any day. I resent being treated as if I am some kind of idiot who is incapable of making the simplest decision.

& yes, I already accepted I may have been off about the shoes (which were bought in September), fear not, it will be velcro all the way from now on, it was the method of delivery which caused my consternation.

*She should also see how much paperwork comes to the Head from government-whole rain forests must be lost!', which was one of the extreme irritants about constant missives telling me to reduce waste in lunchboxes...

My point being, I am perfectly capable of judging what is correct attire for my child on any day

Well in my 17yrs as a school parent, I wish I had a pound for every child who went to school on a sunny morning with a body warmer or even no coat at all...then the heavens open later in the day.

This is Britain after all!

It's far more sensible for the school to insist children have basic sleeves on their coats rather than rely on what the weather may or may not change to, during the 6 hours in the school day.

I appear to have upset you Olgaga, I did not, in fact, receive any information before my son started school, I simply did not.

& maths is exactly the same, the numbers haven't changed not the basic principles which underlie them, there was plenty of problem solving when I was at school but that was underpinned by the building blocks of understanding numbers which had been drilled into us (& has served me well throughout life).

I am perfectly happy & capable with helping my son with his homework, we had a lovely session of addition & subtraction it the kitchen last night using tomatoes.

As for your other 'suggestions' regarding my personality deficits I am choosing to ignore them (no doubt further indication of my ignorant & self important nature).

"I think the reason that secondary schools don't come up with 'nitpicking' rules is that parents and DCs know the score by then. They realise the DC is one of many and the DCs fit in, they don't want a parent fighting their corner to 'make them different ' and would die of embarrassment at the PFB stuff"

Actually, DD's high school has far more nitpicking rules than her primary school ever did. I agree with your other comments though.

"maths is still exactly the same as far as I'm aware"

The way it is taught is entirely different these days. I found that I couldn't help with DD's homework at first because when I showed her how to do something she said "we don't do it like that in class". I didn't learn about number lines I just learnt how to add up a column of numbers. I would have found the maths evening very useful.

You are coming across as very defensive and it sounds like the teacher has picked up on it and has already decided that you are a "difficult parent"

spiderslegs You haven't upset me - I can ignore you if I choose. I don't have the exasperation of having to deal with you on top of my normal working day, like your son's teacher.

I certainly do not believe you simply turned up at the school one day having received no information in advance. Why didn't you make enquiries yourself? You have obviously been taken aback by the basic requirements of the school. I suppose if you just turned up one day out of the blue you may not have had a choice about that, but you did have a choice about whether to be cooperative or belligerent in your response. That's got nothing to do with the school, and everything to do with your attitude.

Your comments about maths underline your lack of understanding. Of course the numbers haven't changed. The methods and teaching have. It's the same with English. The grammar and spelling haven't changed, but there have been changes to the teaching. Why should your son's education be exactly the same as yours? Change is part life - it can be annoying but it's open to you to put your son's best interest first, and cooperate with the school for his sake.

It's entirely up to you if you want to gain a reputation for negative and obstructive behaviour at your son's school.

Do you think it might be because it is an Eco school? Is it worthy and beardy and wanky? (not really sure what an Eco school is TBH so I may be off the mark) I can't remember too much what DS's normal bog standard reception class was like but I do think that they did used to bang on a bit and have to tick all their boxes. It does chill out a lot as they move up through the years though I promise. The most memorable bit of reception twatishness for me was the loud telling off I got for allowing DS a small slice of homemade cake on a Friday (it was then banned, IN WRITING) as it was against healthy eating policy. The pretend Mc Donalds drive thru play set they had to play with in the corner of the class room was fine though. They could put on a little hat and pretend to take each others order and then give out the pretend big macs-bless! I'm glad it gave them all some wholesome career ideas to aspire too

YANBU.

A good Ofsted certainly helps your house price and sale-don't knock it! Ours was outstanding and we sold 2 years ago for the asking price within 48yrs so I am thankful they could tick the right boxes! (it was actually very good)

I really think that you need the information spiderlegs-maths has changed enormously and you would have to be a very young mother if it is taught the way that you were taught.

It's entirely up to you if you want to gain a reputation for negative and obstructive behaviour at your son's school.

I don't think you want to get the situation where the teacher sees you coming and makes a dash for it saying to the TA -'it's spiderlegs again tell her I'm in a meeting!'

Well Olgaga, I rather idiotically presumed if they had anything of great importance to communicate to me they would probably have done so, believe it or dont believe it, that's how it happened.

I have not been in any way belligerent towards my son's teacher, I have been nothing but pleasant because I most certainly do not want to make his time there in any way difficult for him, the most she could have detected would have been a slight twitch of the right eye.

Which is why I came on here & had a good purge.

I'm also sure if your average four year old can understand new methods of teaching maths it will not be beyond my capabilities to grasp them. That's why Google was invented.

Dials I haven't got a chuffing clue what an eco-school is either, by my understanding it involves sending reams & reams of paper out to hector you into reducing waste.