Did schools used to be like this?

[spiderslegs]

DS started school FT in January & ever since it's been a constant stream of missives, announcements, edicts & raised brow questioning from his teacher.

The first week he was there I had a constant battle with his teacher because I was sending him to school with a padded body warmer on, not a coat, every day she asked me if he 'has a coat, because we play out every day, even when it's drizzling' & yes, you do, but not WHEN IT'S PISSING DOWN. In which case his arms will get slightly damp, as will his legs & face, how would you like me to mitigate against that, full dry suit & mask?

It was warmish & sunny, biblical floods were not on the horizon .

Consequently, EVERY CHUFFING DAY it's been something, last week was battle of the drinks, they have a school issued water bottle (irritating in itself) which I sometimes put in, he has milk at break & a drink for lunch, I was taken aside twice for not giving him a drink - I had he just didn't arsing drink it, maybe they should have asked him to look in his bag again?

Would you like me to pop in a few times a day to ensure he has fulfilled his government recommended level of fluid intake - WOULD YOU?

On Friday the lovely mum that drops him off sheepishly told me teacher asked her to mention she did NOT LIKE HIS SHOES, they are difficult to do up apparently - I'm sorry, I'll get him some M&S footgloves shall I?

Today's final straw was the letter from the eco-co-ordinator that asked me to reduce waste in his lunch box & that they would be speaking to the children about waste in their lunches THEN COLLECTING & COMPARING THAT WASTE - so you'd like to make my son feel like a miscreant & social pariah because he has a Baby-bel rather than a dried up hunk of cheddar planed from a block would you???

So AIBU to want to run through the school screaming - 'I AM A FREE BORN HUMAN BEING - MY CHILDREN ARE FREE BORN HUMAN BEINGS - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TEACH THEM MATHS, & READING & SPELLING BUT LEAVE THE REST OF IT TO ME PLEASE'

Am I ?

Yes, exoticfruit. I really doubt most independent schools are going to be easier going regarding clothing, etc. If anything they will be far more prescriptive - even down to the colour of hair bobbles.

I actually have no problem at all regarding uniform, it's the mealy mouthed edicts I take issue with.

They already have people in their lives who are more than capable at doing that, I believe they're known as 'parents'.

Well, some children do, sadly not all.

Once you put your child into school then you have to be prepared to let them take charge for a while, whilst the child is in their care. Schools have to have rules for the good of all the children in their care, and these have to be different to ones that parents use when dealing with just one or two children. When you are dealing with several children things have to work more orderly and more structured, else it all falls apart.

I only wish I had more vociferous and common-sense minded parents.
I teach in a scondary school where I've gone 5 years of teaching a student without ever meeting their parent/any other relative.

They are at best indifferent, and at worst, neglectful. I called a parent today as her son has ran along a row of desks, threw several chairs over and called me 'vile'.

I suggested she might like to support the school's sanctions, by grounding him or removing his permanently attached Blackberry for a short time. She said she doesn't ground him as he just climbs out of the bedroom window, and it's 'cruel' to remove his phone as a punishment 'as it cost her £200 so he best be bloody using it'. She also told me he was 'out of control' at home and could we do anything about it because she was fed up of it all.

This is the norm and not an exception :-(

Infants piss on the floor in the toilets, then drag their undone laces through the piss. After a little while, they ask you to tie their laces. This is why I only teach upper juniors.

Most sensible post on here. Dont send your kid into school in kickers OP!! You are pretty much right about the rest of it though!

Your posts didn't sound "tongue in cheek" though.

you started to sound very distressed over very small things.

Anyway,glad your biscuits helped calm you.

Actually I think YAB a bit U about the shoes.

Its a bloody nightmare fastening endless pairs of shoes for little children because their parents have bought them complicated fastening ones which they can't do themselves.

I tell my children, either learn to do laces, or get shoes with velcro on. I do not have time to do up 30 pairs of shoes every time a lace becomes loose....

and to chickydoo (apologies if I have got your name wrong)

If one of the 7 year olds in my class told me to "get a life" I would go berserk. And if you listened to him saying this to me and didn't pick him up on it, I would tell him off in front of you and probably label you as "that sort" of parent

I can vaguely remember something about indoor shoes and outdoor shoes when I was in primary school (think I started at age 3 in 1978) and my outdoor ones had a strap with a buckle, indoor ones were those weird rubber and canvas plimsol things.

The older children in the class were expected to help the younger ones (nursery was one classroom of 3-5 year olds).

YANBU about the coat. This winter has been weirdly mild for the most part and if he has a shirt and jumper on under his body warmer on a milder, sunnier day I'm sure he was fine. If you were sending him in on cold days without a proper coat that would be different, but a good deal of this winter has been mild enough for a long sleeved shirt and jumper even without a body warmer.

The water bottle makes sense. People are supposed to drink little and often through the day and being properly hydrated helps concentration, so I think it's good that the children are expected to have one. They should have checked properly to make sure he had it with him or not before complaining to you and YANBU to think there's not much you can do about it while he is at school if he doesn't want to drink it.

I can see the teachers point about the shoes if your DS can't fasten them on his own, and perhaps you aren't the only parent she has had to contact about it. But YANBU to feel annoyed that she passed the message on via another parent, especially if that message was that she doesn't like them.

And you are not being unreasonable to feel she should speak to you privately, not loudly and in front of other parents.

The lunch box thing sounds awful. I would have felt really embarrassed to have my lunch picked through and judged when I was at school, and whatever packaging DS takes to nursery (he's not three yet so he's not at a school nursery) is sent home with him and we recycle it as much as possible. I do feel a bit sorry for teachers though. They aren't responsible for thinking up these rules and schemes but they have to carry them out.

When was it decided that small children, instead of being taught the rudiments of education needed training in life skills? They already have people in their lives who are more than capable at doing that, I believe they're known as 'parents'.

It's called personal and social education or PSE. It's on the curriculum.

Or PSHE personal, social and Health education.

Social, spiritual and moral education comes under 'educating the whole child' too... Not sure you'll find a school nowadays that sticks to good old Maths and English (whilst allowing the child to fly free as a bird)...

Christ ! how bizarre that DC then go onto secondary school where they survive without all these rules.
YANBU Op - I could never work out why I had to send DC to school with a bottle of bloody water!
If they were animals it would be against the law not to provide water

My 7 year old's teacher said his shoes were not quite the right shade of black????? My little darling looked at her with his big brown eyes and said "Get a life, my shoes are nice" Honest...his exact words

Good grief-and she took it?! I would have wiped the floor with him. DCs do not speak to me like that-regardless of what they parent puts up with. How rude. Sometimes I think that I live in a parallel universe-in all the schools that I have taught in DCs know that they might say that sort of thing at home but they certainly can't at school.
I wouldn't let any child say it to me out of school either.

duvetday - water is available. Just need something to put it in. Animals just drink it as it comes, children need a cup or bottle to put it in.

Agree exoticfruit - I would not stand for a child telling me to "get a life" in my professional life and I would be having very harsh words with my DD is she ever spoke that way to a teacher or anyone for that matter.

'My little darling looked at her with his big brown eyes and said "Get a life, my shoes are nice" Honest...his exact words'

Now that is one of those moments when you use the thousand yard stare and say quietly 'You are not at home, I am not your mother and that language is not respectful. See me at lunchbreak please'

Christ ! how bizarre that DC then go onto secondary school where they survive without all these rules.

Really? Not in the secondary schools I have taught in.

Well if he has 3 coats why in the name of chilly arms don't you put one on him??

Best post I have read all week

My 7 year old's teacher said his shoes were not quite the right shade of black????? My little darling looked at her with his big brown eyes and said "Get a life, my shoes are nice" Honest...his exact words

Really? His feet wouldn't touch the ground for speaking to an adult like that in my school - he wouldn't be going out to play for a while and you wouldn't be bragging about it on a parenting forum.

When was it decided that small children, instead of being taught the rudiments of education needed training in life skills?

Round about the time when parents began sending children into school with shoes they had no idea how to do up, I imagine.

At my DC school water was not available -it had to be provided by parents.
Actually it was for the first few years until the new head came in and decided it had to be provided by parents.
Kittyfane my Dc can go to the water container at secondary schol and gasp pour themselves a paper cup of water.
I know its outrageous

school

So presumably this free spirit you're raising, who's going to stick it to the man... has his shoelaces done up by mummy every morning?

(I had the 'proper coat' talk too, though, made the mistake mentioned above of going from centrally heated house to centrally heated school and forgetting about playtime. Though I just felt like a bit of a fuckwit tbh, rather than railing against 'mealy-mouthed edicts'.)

It has been the mildest winter ever though hasn't it. Where we are a body warmer would have been fine at the start of the month. Stupid to say he needs a coat because it's January when the sun's shining and its in double figures.

I can't believe that an adult would let their child be so rude. I wouldn't actually have to wipe the floor, they know that it isn't the way that they speak to anyone at school, adult of DC, and I would just give them a hard look and say 'excuse me.......' and wait for them to look abashed and apologise.

Why do parents take that sort of thing? Are they doormats?

Where on earth do people get these idea that private schools and secondary schools are free of rules?