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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to slap this "Mum"?

117 replies

HassledAndHarrassedMummy · 30/01/2012 13:27

Just been to pick my daughter up from playschool and two of the other Mums were talking about toys thier kids play with......
The long and short of it was that one of the mums was talking about how her son wanted a dora doll and that her and her husband thought it wasn't "normal" for him to want a doll and he should be playing with cars and other "manly stuff". Blah blah blah. She just kept saying that it wasn't normal.
AIBU to be completely aggrieved by what this woman was saying??? My DS got a cooker for his 2nd b'day as this is what he wanted and more recently my DD got a Thundercats sword for Xmas as she was absolutely deperate for it. Are my children not going to be normal because of this??? Have I ruined there lives by not buying them the correct toys?
I didn't say anything. I just rolled my eyes, but since I got home I have been quietly seething about this woman?
I'm not BU? Am I?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2012 23:31

Should have added, which then would mean that he would be pushing a pram and changing nappies.

BaronessBomburst · 30/01/2012 23:53

YANBU in getting annoyed about gender stereotyping. However, YABU for using up all your little dashy lines in "mum" and then not having any left to use in 'don't' and 'didn't'. Grin

saladsandwich · 31/01/2012 06:27

i was really expecting a thread about something far worse, i'm sensitive but really you shouldn't give a shiney shit about something so small.

my ds once pushed a friends DDs pink pram down the street where we live, his dad would kick off he knew but chuff him, as long as my ds is happy thats what matters, people are entitled to believe what they want but what are they going to do at nursery when schools have all these toys out for all children anyway?.

ragged · 31/01/2012 07:55

yanbu. I would be very upset about it, too. OP. Maybe not furious, but still upset including feelings of anger. Am surprised you've had so little support. :(

nicknamenotinuse · 31/01/2012 08:02

I don't understand the "mum" thing either. Why?

kirsty75005 · 31/01/2012 08:23

Actually, I think we are allowed to be annoyed if we see someone teaching their child sexist attitudes, in the same way we are annoyed if we see them teaching them racist attitudes. Because these learnt attitudes will affect their behaviour and therefore our children.

I've actually been pretty astonished recently by the number of parents who still believe they must prevent their toddler children from playing with toys of the "wrong" gender. I genuinely thought noone was that backward anymore. (Before anyone piles in: this is not about parents whose daughter/son spontaneously prefers girly/boyish toys. I'm talking about, for example, the mum I saw recentlly at a playgroup who, when her one-year-old girl picked up a toy car, took it off her saying "No, that's a toy for boys.)

Gooshka · 31/01/2012 08:34

Why are some MN posters on here so offhand and rude? What gives people the right to pick on someone's grammar (the apostrophe in "don't").From what I can see, it takes some balls to start a thread on here - your topic has to be "interesting enough", never done before, grammar perfect and, I think, most importantly of all, you need to be a regular MN'r whose name fits. Give the OP a break - her topic was a lot more interesting than some of the other shit I've seen on here and I don't feel some of the tones of the responses were deserved. Angry I love reading some of the MN threads and can see there is a strong network of support on here but sometimes, like in this case, I'm left feeling a bit cold by it all. Sad

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 31/01/2012 10:56

YANBU to disagree with her but YABU to let it get to you so much that you want to slap her!

I would be pefectly happy for my girls to play with boy toys but there are some things I wouldn't like them to have and I would be a bit upset if someone was rolling their eyes at me and feeling like they wanted to slap me just because my view was different to theirs Shock

I too don't get the "Mum" thing Confused

rootietootie · 31/01/2012 11:07

Gooshka i'll second what you have said as I have found that as well.

Original poster
HassledAndHarrassedMummy · 31/01/2012 11:39

Here here gooshka.

So I said I wanted to slap her, metaphorically speaking. I'm not actually going to slap someone. Hell, I didn't even say anything to this woman. The suggestions I am violent are utterly ridiculous and totally laughable.

I accept that how people choose to parent their own children is their own business. That's fine. If said Mum, had been saying that she would prefer her son to play with stereotypical boys toys because "that's what little bots should do", I dnt think I would of thought anything of it. It was more the fact that she kept saying "it's not normal". Maybe as someone else suggested on here, in her circles "not normal" may not mean the same to her as it does to me.

Why are some MN posters on here so offhand and rude? What gives people the right to pick on someone's grammar (the apostrophe in "don't").From what I can see, it takes some balls to start a thread on here - your topic has to be "interesting enough", never done before, grammar perfect and, I think, most importantly of all, you need to be a regular MN'r whose name fits.

Couldn't have put it better myself!!!

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2012 11:44

Your sensitivity reaction may suggest "you" are the one with the issue really and not the other "mum".

Original poster
HassledAndHarrassedMummy · 31/01/2012 11:57

My "sensitivity reaction" sparkle?? Hmmm, maybe ur right.....

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2012 17:36

That should have read sensitive reaction.

AndiMac · 31/01/2012 17:41

So now becoming upset at someone's gender stereotyping is having an issue?

I have issues too then.

SparkleSoiree · 31/01/2012 21:29

I don't think it really matters what the topic is. If the topic upsets somebody to the point where they are still seething a while after, despite not even being involved in the conversation, then I would think that person has an underlying issue.

We all have people in our life that we have differing opinions from but most people I know generally tend to 'agree to disagree' in that situation.

Just MY opinion.

rootietootie · 31/01/2012 21:38

I don't think it really matters what the topic is. If the topic upsets somebody to the point where they are still seething a while after, despite not even being involved in the conversation, then I would think that person has an underlying issue.

I shall agree to disagree on that one :) After the terrible incident in china where that little girl was left to die on the road by passerbys, (which i discovered through a conversation i overheard ) i was left seething and probably more sad for weeks. Dont think i have any underlying issues that im aware of [:)]

stealthsquiggle · 31/01/2012 21:44

LOL at this thread.

OP - you would not BU to disagree with the woman's opinions, or to parent differently to her, or even to judge her as a result.

YABU (or at the very least you are wasting a lot of time and emotional energy) to describe her as a "mum", to care so much, to still be "seething", and to post a thread in AIBU and then get all defensive and angry and start generalising about what "people on here" are like when a few people tell you YABU.

and as for having to be the "right" MNer to post in AIBU - well, that's bollocks, IMHO.

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